Hi Op your husband even though you say how handsome, and also to outsiders looking In would consider even feel bit possible envious of what looks like almost perfect family life style,
But you know your marriage is just keeping up appearances, its like charade a sham of marriage,
Why do you feel a need to keep up the charade going?
Don't keep the charade going because of what society/religious family ties thinks expects of you as a married woman,
Trust your instincts you clearly felt violated by your husband, that is because you were ,your husband disrespful used you like a like a some kind of sex toy, he objectified.
He disrespected you, by taking advantage of your vulnerability being tipsey,drunk he just assumes cause your his wife that it his own marital right and your obligation to go along with flow and fufil his sexual needs regardless if its consentual or not,even innocent hug,which should be a loving gesture, is by him thought of as being sexual encouragement of some kind, no wonder you feel emotionally violated,
Your husband has a very old fashioned misonigistic sense of what marriage is about, which is quite frankly worrying and alarming.
Your husband has deep seated issues, and sexual addiction such as porn is notoriously quite challenage to change that kind of behaviour, without the help of relevant therapy..
I feel tempted to say to you find a way if poss to get space to think on your own with clarity about your options,can a trusted family member or trusted friend in your social bubble able to babysit for you for a while on a regular basis?so you can have a break from needy family demands then?
The fact is he is aware very much of his behaviour sexually is very off not acceptable ,as he said sorry and burried his head in bed.
If you are thinking along the lines of trying to salvage this marriage would he willingly be interested in getting help for his sexual addiction with porn? and actively attend these therapy kind of sessions or is he denial or can not be arsed bothered with this idea?
would he consider marriage counselling activately without having to be persuaded, you having to nag him regularly to keep up this going?
Its a bit of a gamble a hit and miss whether this marriage is really worth rescuing really isn't it,
Did he feel just a bit squirmming embarassment and just said sorry like a knee jerk reaction just cause you caught in the act and pointed it out, or was it bit more than that?
I can see why Op you feel confused ,Change feels, scarey like a leap of faith into the unknown, (but its also signal of refreshing opportunities aswell ,an opportunity to discover yourself too,
Embrace change,many women have tread that path before you,
Also take care of yourself, mediation is beneficial good thing to get into,its free it can be done at comfort of your own and it only takes 10 to15mins and it well known to give people sense of clarity.
Walk in nature good for relieving stress,listen to good music.
Do have a home made health spa pamper session at home or visit a health spa
Have a holistic therapy session, such as hot stone massage etc
Get into creative arts any kind you do not have to be perfect at this its not competition and it does not have to be painting it can be anything creative it will feel like active mediation and will help you to relax and have a bit of fun, and bit of escapism,
The thing is doing taking part in your favorite part in something you enjoy will help you to find yourself and be more cofindent to take the leap of faith overcome your personal fears as it feel like a bit like mini adventures,like that old saying
nothing ventured ,nothing gained
Instead of just thinking I have been married for just over a decade, clinging on for dear life,by your grip of finger nails
Think of the there was a time also when you coped, thrived done well on your own merits,long before you got married, you did this once before you can do this again too
Also worries me his scarastic attitude towards your children, you know yourself that this is not healthy role model of marriage for your children to see,
So either way you need to demand change for yourself for your children not to view your kind of kind of relantship marriage in such way that they think its normal and when they grow up into adults end up unconsciously going into recreating dysfunctional toxic relantships of their own.
Best of luck Op