I’m married, is my relationship with a client unhealthy?

[Helpmeseeinthedark]

Nc for obvious reasons.

I am a mum of a 4 yo DS, married DH 5 yrs ago & together for 10. Were both 31 yo

I am a cleaner to help pay the bills.

Since lockdown one of my clients is always home when I go once a week. Over the past few months I feel like the dynamic between us has changed, but it could all be in my head?

I’m there for 2 hours and we’ll easily just spend half the time or more chatting, then I’ll quickly rush round doing a bad job because I’m out out of time. He doesn’t mind. We both seem to love each other’s company

He’s recently divorced from his wife, he’s 45 yo. During the week between me going we’ll text each other about random stuff, just chatting . I hide this from hubby.

When I’m there he confides in me quite a lot about what’s going on in his life, I get the feeling he doesn’t speak to anybody properly. Just work colleagues remotely. Sometimes it verges on flirting , particularly by text message

The thing is, I fancy the pants off him & I feel SO SO guilty as my hubby is so great around the house, with DS, handles all the bills, cares about me, he’s literally a woman’s dream. Apart from out sex life whixh is almost non existent :( :(

I keep having the same thought over and over, even if I wake in the middle of the night. If my client made a pass at me I don’t know I’d be able to resist. It’s all I think about

Sounds pathetic.

Is it normal as a woman to fantasise over other men? What should I do?

OP - nothing much has actually happened yet has it. You know you’ve crossed a line - and you feel guilty for what’s in your head. But you’ve not done something unforgivable.
I sometimes think the question is - if you’re other half had done exactly what you’ve done - could you understand and could you forgive? So far your story is fairly ordinary- you’ve got a bit close to someone. Perhaps if you shared this with DH it might shake both of you out of the inevitable complacency that a LTR brings. If you cant get the spark back you have options left. But if you cheat - you have no honest path and immeasurable pain in all directions.

I think people misread Monica's post tbh 😐

OP well done for cancelling the client, it's really for the best, this would only get harder and harder, and I know it's tough now, believe me I KNOW, but you can turn this around and get your life and rship back on track. Good luck

This has moved beyond fantasizing, you're actively hiding this from you're OH cause you know its wrong. Resign from this client and cut all contact. Concentrate on your marriage.

Have a read/listen to this, OP:

www.growingself.com/married-and-have-a-crush/

Two things stick out in your post, you enjoy your clients company and you have a non-existent sex life with your husband. You need to see if these two things can be regained within your marriage. For the interim you need to cut contact with your client and work on your marriage, whether it’s what you want, or whether you both want different things. Relationships change all the time, people grow apart, want different things but the main thing is, is that you’re honest in what you want for the sake of yourself and your husband. You’re not a bad person, you have just lost your way a little.

You sound like a nice lady with normal feelings - is natural to be attracted to others . However, your marriage sounds like a happy one so Talk to your lovely hubby who you obviously love and suggest spicing things up a bit! Tell him you are still young and want sex more than twice a month. Once those lines of communication are open you will have something to work on. Good luck x

You have the power to nip it in the bud.

Keep it as a fantasy.

Go for it OP... be a bit of excitement!

@Helpmeseeinthedark

How are things with your husband since you have gone NC with your client? Do you feel it’s made a difference?

@Helpmeseeinthedark

How are things with your husband since you have gone NC with your client? Do you feel it’s made a difference?

Nearly 3 weeks on and I really miss him. We spoke by text briefly last week, he got a kitten and was sending me photographs. Some messages in the early hours of the morning. My heart skipped a bear at the thought he was obviously thinking about me at such a late hour.

I feel so desperately lonely
Sex life with hubby not improved despite trying, he’s just not that interested right now, genrally stressed with work and stuff
God what do I do? Walk out on a perfectly decent man and ruin the family unit we have for DS? All because I fancy some other bloke like crazy?

@Helpmeseeinthedark - What a tricky situation to be in, do you think the marriage is workable and would you consider couples counselling? I am feeling lonely in my marriage too, no other person involved but I know how difficult it can be to feel lonely within your marriage. Also lack of sex too!

Don't do it unless you have a good reason. Fanny gallops aren't a good reason

Secret late night messaging? You previously acknowledged ‘seriously letting your husband down,’ yet you haven’t completely disengaged from OM with no contact. Your emotional affair continues.

You may have tried initiating sex, but have you actually had a serious conversation with your H regarding your concerns and desire to work together on your relationship? If not, why?

Your H deserves your utmost respect, but you are still humiliating him. It appears that you are not really committed to salvaging your marriage and family.

Once you taste forbidden fruit you know you will be lost dont you? You need to try and filter him out of your thoughts and really think about your marriage and what value it has to you.

OP, you are fawning over a kitten and have a crush on another man while having a seemingly good family unit. Get a grip. It sickens me that you are questioning what you should do especially in these times. Do you not realise how others have lost so much because of lockdowns and how you come across?

Think about your son. Block his number.

He's messaging you for a quick bit of attention, if you continue with this it'll end in tears, most likely yours and your families - while he washes his hands if it all and moves onto the next.

Have you and your DH actually had a conversation about why your sex life is so lacking ? You said before what a great dad he is , but how is your relationship - is he affectionate ? Do u tell each other you love each other ?

Being lonely is a marriage is a very difficult place to be. You need a very frank conversation with your H about what his lack of interest is doing to your marriage. If you had a happy and fulfulling marriage, your head wouldn't have been turned in the first place and this is why I think a lot of affairs happen. One partner complete neglects the other and becomes absorbed in themselves/family, then the neglected partner gets their head turned and aome attention, next thing you know there's an affair and the partner who did the neglected claims to be completely blindsided. Seen it many times.

@Helpmeseeinthedark - How are things with your husband now?

@MonicaBelulaGellar

Ignore the bitchy comments. If I was you, and I was lucky enough to have a hubby like yours I'd cancel the client. Instead of focusing on him focus on your sex life with DH. Dont ruin what you have x

This is brilliant advice

I'm a cleaner op and it's really easy to think you got a good relationship with your clients but in reality you havnt . It's kind of a false illusion . Like when house mates fall in love on tv shows . It's just because they are stuck in an environment together . But what I read is your hubby is good around the house ect but do you love or fancy him ? Don't get involved with the other man . Garantee you he will just want some fun when your there cleaning . And he won't want anymore

And also I can't believe how bitchy people are on here 😴 no one is perfect and I can garantee if half of you came out and said things what you thought I sure bet you wouldn't be all perfect then . Know what op it's your life and do what you want with it but as I said above that's what I think x