I know it's normal to do all these things but I am a hard worker, just didn't see why if I had a job too, I had to do the majority of the housework, childcare etc....
I actually thought that men and women would both work after kids are born and both would share the housework and carework equally!
They should. They absolutely should. They don't always, yes, and it can be tough to be assertive about this after you have already had a child. But, all due respect, if your children are both teens then for many years they have actually not needed particularly intensive care, and you could certainly have worked in some capacity, built your own pension, and still had plenty of time for the housework and supervising tradespeople.
Marriage doesn't have to matter in terms of the emotional aspect of a relationship. Of course there are unmarried couples who are more loving and committed than some married couples. But it absolutely matters legally and financially. It's the only real way that exists to say formally, we have decided to pool our resources and be treated, legally and financially, as a unit. If you opt not to do this, then legally you are single and all you have is what you, personally, legally own. If you make yourself financially dependent on someone without marriage, you are living on their charity in legal terms, and they are within their rights to withdraw it. I know, OP, you have had cause to learn this the hard way, but I think that sadly there are still too many people who make the same assumptions as you do that because you didn't personally feel you'd be more emotionally committed if you were married, that marriage therefore "didn't matter".