Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Any single women put off meeting a man from mumsnet threads?

103 replies

Angelfish2021 · 29/10/2020 13:48

Light hearted!!
I like to browse the relationship threads with a coffee when I have a spare 30 mins. Omg the men seem like absolute loosers (massive generalisation obviously) but it's texting other women, sexting other women, web cam girls, escort sites, affairs, sneaking around and gass lighting their partners/wives.
(there are some threads where women also behave as bad but the majority it's the men!)
Puts you off meeting men! Or is it just me?

OP posts:
TheQueef · 29/10/2020 13:49

No question.
Mumsnet has made me a lesbian wannabe.

hilariousnamehere · 29/10/2020 13:50

Ha! I didn't want one anyway, I am much happier single.

But yes, if I was looking I'd be put off by the sheer quantity of hopeless men on here 😂

Hesfamousforit · 29/10/2020 14:25

Seems like every man out there has a hidden agenda and double life.

Namechangeme87 · 29/10/2020 14:28

A bit yes altho It’s obviously biased as it’s rare people come on saying how happy their relationships are as they normally post for advice But in a way it does make me happy I’m single Sometimes

However after my Previous failed relationships With the utter bell ends that are my exes I didn’t need MN to tell me Grin

Luckily I also know some awesome men so I live in hope !!

TiggerDatter · 29/10/2020 14:28

There’s a lot of selection bias though... it hasn’t put me off men, but MN has taught me about red flags and mental load, I’m determined not to get caught out again.

shartsi · 29/10/2020 14:38

Mumsnet taught me about cocklodgers. I've not met one or know of one, but boy I worry for my children Grin

firewalkeruk · 29/10/2020 14:43

As a man who actually needs advice sometimes I have become quite addicted to MN.
I think that if you take your world view of men from the relationship threads here the I wouldn't blame you for swearing off men.
We men aren't perfect, God far from it but for every A-hole boyfriend or husband talked about here there is also a decent guy just trying to do the best he can and being faithful, loving and supportive to his wife and children.
Also MN seems to be the home to some very angry and outright mandating women who are a major influence to the more susceptible on here.
My view of MN is the same as my view of the bible, it's full of some very truthful and insightful stories but it isn't the whole and exclusive truth.
If you're coming to MN looking for someone to give you the answer to your problem then you need to realise it is only you who can make the changes.
In short some men BAD, some men OK.

HaleNo · 29/10/2020 14:45

People overwhelmingly don't start a thread unless there's something wrong, it's bound to be a bit skewed.

I've been surprised at the amount of cheats though.

@hilariousnamehere it is quite peaceful not having to worry about a romantic relationship. Does he like me/where is this going/are we compatible and so on.

JorisBonson · 29/10/2020 14:47

I'm never letting go of my husband. I'll lock him in a room if need be. What's out there scares me.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/10/2020 14:50

I don't blame mumsnet but if something happened with DH I don't think I could be bothered with dating or even putting in the effort to form a committed relationship with someone else. It sounds like a lot of effort that chances are won't lead to anything worthwhile.

Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 14:52

Yes, but also you have I read those threads in the correct context. People post when they have an issue, not when their partner is great. No-one posts to say “my husband is wonderful, help!” So you’re not seeing all those lovely relationships. And also in real life I have friends who have or are lovely men and partners in great relationships. So I have hope.

Lookingoutside · 29/10/2020 15:03

My own experiences with certain men and their different behaviours did that. But reading on here has made me aware of what other people have gone through in relationships. I’m thankful never to have been through the discovery of an affair/multiple incidents of cheating/using sex workers/mental and physical abuse.

The damage that has been done to some of the women on here Is awful to think about. The destruction of the ability to trust and sometimes long term mental health implications is heartbreaking.

I’m recovering from a recent disappointment and I suppose my heart is broken for the first time in 16 years. I had forgotten how debilitating it can be. I miss sex and intimacy but at the moment all I want is to avoid feeling like this ever again. I deleted the apps and I avoid eye contact and conversation with men when I’m out.

OverTheRubicon · 29/10/2020 15:05

Its made me really split about my separation.
On the one hand, I posted situation on Relationships and got a pretty decisive ltb.

Then I look at all the other posts about useless DHs - or even worse, the one recently that was meant to be about lovely things that partners did, but so many of them were some version of 'when I'm exhausted from working plus doing all the childcare, shopping and cooking, he takes the kids out to the park for a few hours on Saturday morning / brings me a cup of tea, the wonderful man'. I then feel like maybe my expectations (and those of the Relationship board) are too high.

Like a pp, I desperately wish I fancied women in the right way.

whatisgoingtohappen · 29/10/2020 15:21

For me it’s online dating. My experience of it and what people say about it on here has made me feel a bit hopeless yes.

Mainly I think that I would like to meet a best friend and take things from there. Have a feeling it won’t happen though, for various reasons. What I don’t want is a lot of heartache over people who are not worth it. And it seems as if a lot of people are not worth it, and I would want them in my life because....Confused?

I hope my awful marriage is not my one and only chance at love though, I really do. The thought of that makes me sad.

HaleNo · 29/10/2020 15:32

Online dating really doesn't sound like much fun!

Sideorderofchips · 29/10/2020 16:04

As newly single I have no interest in meeting anyone else ever again.

Rgy3250999 · 29/10/2020 16:27

When you consider the millions of people in relationships and the number of threads on here, even if they were all true (highly unlikely), it’s not that many. As someone above said, it’s only those with issues that really post so you’re not going to hear about the good men on here.

I have seen plenty of threads about female cheats and women that don’t paint us in a very good light either. That doesn’t stop me finding female friends and wouldn’t prevent me from dating though because it isn’t representative of all men or women.

Take people as you find them. I like to think that people find likeminded people. Lots of threads suggest damaged people, find people that pray on those kind of individuals, miserable folk find other miserable folk etc. Be happy and enjoy life. Have experiences and see what happens. Know your worth and you will be fine.

AV78 · 29/10/2020 16:31

It’s a complete waste of time. Really is like looking for a needle in a haystack. If being ghosted, arsed around, dealing with men children and men who really just want a shag and nothing else is your thing then head over to OLD. When you get to a certain age, the vast majority of the best men are already married, are not cheaters (hence still married) and have no intention of not being married. If you want to find that one that is the exception then you really are going to have to do a lot of frog kissing and deep digging. I did it on and off for 10 years and found most were no better than the ex husband who had cheated on me. It’s full of devious lying people who will do and say anything to get in your knickers.

The day I gave it up I think was the best day of my last 15 years.

OutingMyself · 29/10/2020 16:33

Oh yes. 100%. I'm still going on an online date tonight though.

When I was married I thought that if we ever split up I'd not bother again. I don't think you can really know how you'll feel until you're in that position.

Hailtomyteeth · 29/10/2020 16:35

Just glad other people find them as dodgy as I do.

Orkneys · 29/10/2020 16:36

@TheQueef

No question. Mumsnet has made me a lesbian wannabe.
Men in general made me one
Haveagogogo · 29/10/2020 16:37

It's not MN threads but other people's partners in real life that put me off dating again. The older I get, and the longer I'm single, the fussier I have become. I'm sure some of my friends' partners are lovely if you've got years of shared history, children together etc but I can only think of one that I would even consider dating if he suddenly became single. The rest all have habits / attitudes that would drive me up the wall.

Sideorderofchips · 29/10/2020 16:38

Like someone else said. All the decent men are already in a relationship and happy in it.

I've given up and plan to collect cats and concentrate on my kids, myself and my cat collection. (I have 2 so far)

Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 16:44

This is a depressing read Sad

HaleNo · 29/10/2020 16:55

@Smallsteps88

This is a depressing read Sad
I don't think it is really, people realise the relationship was wrong and it's valid to decide to be celebate.