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Original poster

Any single women put off meeting a man from mumsnet threads?

103 replies

Angelfish2021 · 29/10/2020 13:48

Light hearted!!
I like to browse the relationship threads with a coffee when I have a spare 30 mins. Omg the men seem like absolute loosers (massive generalisation obviously) but it's texting other women, sexting other women, web cam girls, escort sites, affairs, sneaking around and gass lighting their partners/wives.
(there are some threads where women also behave as bad but the majority it's the men!)
Puts you off meeting men! Or is it just me?

OP posts:
kiwiblue · 30/10/2020 01:52

If something happened with DH I don't think I could be bothered with dating or even putting in the effort to form a committed relationship with someone else. It sounds like a lot of effort that chances are won't lead to anything worthwhile.

Yes! The dating threads are especially terrifying. If DH leaves me I am not doing online dating. It sounds horrific and I've heard this from friends IRL too not just Mumsnet!

grassisjeweled · 30/10/2020 01:59

If I did end up single, everything would have to be on my terms.

I'd basically want an old fashioned lover to come over every other week or so for dinner and sex. I couldn't be doing with all this dating rubbish.

I would have zero tolerance for bullshit. I just can't imagine putting the effort in, tbh.

famousforwrongreason · 30/10/2020 02:04

@wobblywinelover

All of the threads i've read on this forum have validated my experiences and fears that i've had with men over the years, particularly in my forties. And i'm one of the ones who are probably psychologically damaged by shitty male behaviour over the years and have now given up. Some of the things which go on are totally disgusting. I can't believe some men are treating women so badly and I haven't come across a decent bloke in ten years either. Experiences for me have ranged from being stalked, sexually coerced and assaulted, lied to and emotionally abused. To the point where I don't even think a good man exists. So i'm protecting myself and my mental health by staying away from them.
Yup I kind of agree. I wish I could become lesbian but I like the d too much. I had a recent experience with someone with impotence issues (on top of a while other lot of issues) Several people suggested using dildoes etc but then I might as well go for a woman anyway if real life cock is not on the menu. I'm still not sure if I'm ready to completely give up yet, partly based on a huge physical reaction to a hot tradesperson in my area. There was clearly a mutual attraction but I didn't have it in me to pursue him and had he pursued me I might have been creeped out as it was a weird scenario and I'm slightly intimidated by guys who are forward now. My trust issues are quite confused
Meruem · 30/10/2020 07:04

So i'm protecting myself and my mental health by staying away from them

This is exactly where I’m at. I am finally in a really good place mentally. Probably the best I’ve ever been in my 50 years so far. No way am I going to risk that for a man.

BigFatLiar · 30/10/2020 07:11

Reading here does put you off but then I look over at my OH and realise they're not all bad. Every so often you get people posting about the loss of their partner and how badly its affecting them and you realise there are lots of people in good loving relationships.

Its just mumsnet (well parts of it certainly) is the home of broken and shitty relationships so you get a jaundiced view of the world.

SnuggyBuggy · 30/10/2020 07:18

Are there fewer "good men" than "good women" in the dating pool? It feels like it but is it something any researcher has attempted to quantify? Could you even quantify it when people have different standards for what they want in a partner?

BigFatLiar · 30/10/2020 07:25

Are there fewer "good men" than "good women" in the dating pool?

Depends what you mean by good men and good women.

SnuggyBuggy · 30/10/2020 07:27

@BigFatLiar

Are there fewer "good men" than "good women" in the dating pool?

Depends what you mean by good men and good women.

For me it means a person who could be in a committed relationship without being detrimental to the other person.

Also do men typically complain about lack of good women?

Nailgirl · 30/10/2020 07:32

It's taught me that most "decent" men aren't.

And that's RL too. My friends married for 20 years plus -3 kids. He is amazing husband ,father etc. err he doesn't work or childcare- he's a musiciain and contributes NOTHING not a bean to the house- he goes out DJing every night and does lots of cash in hand jobs and keeps the cash -"for going to see family back in SA" etc he can play the great dad 1 day a week or whatever -she thinks they have a great marriage - I don't. I couldn't do it. Another friend -he's a serial shagger but they have been together 30 years and now have granchildren etc -again she puts up with it as "he loves her really and will never leave her". I live in the bleak North north though and I have no chance of meeting anyone here.

Vello · 30/10/2020 07:33

Men just seem like such a burden. Can't see what the point of them is really. And OLD! Shock It sounds like absolute hell. I can't understand why people do it.

I have never dated as I was married for 20 years and young people didn't date 20 years ago. We all just knocked around in a big friend group and shagged each other after going out clubbing. Now it's all this dating and it sounds awful. Like some kind of appalling reality game show.

I'd rather go out for dinner with my friends tbh -- much more amusing.

Vello · 30/10/2020 07:35

@grassisjeweled

If I did end up single, everything would have to be on my terms.

I'd basically want an old fashioned lover to come over every other week or so for dinner and sex. I couldn't be doing with all this dating rubbish.

I would have zero tolerance for bullshit. I just can't imagine putting the effort in, tbh.

Yes that sounds fine!

But god, all the rest of it. No thank you. So needy, so burdensome.

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 30/10/2020 07:39

Not really. My own relationship experiences did that and I have to say I enjoy the contentment of living alone.

LynetteScavo · 30/10/2020 07:55

If I'd never met a man (say I was from another planet for example) and my only experience of men was through Mumsnet I wouldn't want anything to do with them ever.

OhioOhioOhio · 30/10/2020 07:59

Me. Especially with my back story.

stout · 30/10/2020 07:59

SnuggyBuggy - its pretty similar.

BigFatLiar · 30/10/2020 08:34

Also do men typically complain about lack of good women?

From the men I've met most don't really talk about relationships in the way women do.

OverTheRubicon · 30/10/2020 18:55

Also do men typically complain about lack of good women?

Massively yes. Just hang around on Reddit a while and hear the many many stories of great fathers/husbands/providers whose wives all took their kids, houses and savings, enabled by evil misandrist lawyers and the court system, and will never be near women again except possibly for casual sex. Personally given my experience of men who'd classify themselves this way I take it with a pinch -shovelfull of salt but there's definitely the flip side of MN out there.

jojomolo · 30/10/2020 19:05

Bloody hell that's a harsh comparison.

whatisgoingtohappen · 30/10/2020 19:16

hear the many many stories of great fathers/husbands/providers whose wives all took their kids, houses and savings, enabled by evil misandrist lawyers and the court system

Ha ha this is probably what my ex says about me, but I am FREE and what he says or thinks is no longer my problem.

He genuinely thought I was nothing - or just part of what he owned - so to be legally unentwined and independent is a source of constant amazement to me.

And yes the judge did think my side’s proposal for the division of assets was the better one - but that’s because my ex’s proposal was ridiculous, and would have involved his having a hold over me forever Hmm.

Anyway sorry I digress Blush. As you were...

Ceriane · 30/10/2020 19:45

Yeh. I’d love to still think it’s Lollipop Lane like one of my extremely smug coupled up since teenage years friends does!

OhCaptain · 30/10/2020 19:49

I'm kind of the opposite.

I'm a happily married straight woman, and I find myself reading the dating threads like some sort of creep because I really want to set up my (perfectly normal, nice) brother and I often think "Oh she'd be great with my brother."

Isn't that weird?!

madcatman · 30/10/2020 20:13

Seams very discriminatory re men, what about women. How some use others or expect to be looked after. It should read people and dating in general. Mind you I have read many discriminatory posts on here. Being sexist is no better than other discriminations like racism and I for one am very offended.

I have to question if some posters show or post potentially sexist comment, what stops there mind set being racist, which both are very illegal and can command police reprimand.

blindinglyobviouslight · 30/10/2020 20:28

No. The people in happy functional relationships aren't posting to tell us about that : )

It has made me glad that I am older so that I am less likely to meet porn- wrecked guys. The tales from younger women are horrifying and I never came across anything like that when I was younger.

blindinglyobviouslight · 30/10/2020 20:31

I have never dated as I was married for 20 years and young people didn't date 20 years ago

Where did you live?!?! I was young 20 years ago and we never did this!
I dated ( we called it 'going out' back then, dating is a bit American).

blindinglyobviouslight · 30/10/2020 20:40

This is what I've learned from Mumsnet. That us women are strong, we're no fools. Whether we LTB or stay for the kids or the financial security , we are in control of ourselves

@RenascenceWoman

I love this! This is exactly how I feel about myself. Having had control of my taken from me some years ago by a bad relationship I have totally taken control back. Thank you for giving me the words for this.

I agree about the relationship boards. Wish I had read them and taken note before my own relationship based fuck up. But I am wiser now.

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