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Original poster

Any single women put off meeting a man from mumsnet threads?

103 replies

Angelfish2021 · 29/10/2020 13:48

Light hearted!!
I like to browse the relationship threads with a coffee when I have a spare 30 mins. Omg the men seem like absolute loosers (massive generalisation obviously) but it's texting other women, sexting other women, web cam girls, escort sites, affairs, sneaking around and gass lighting their partners/wives.
(there are some threads where women also behave as bad but the majority it's the men!)
Puts you off meeting men! Or is it just me?

OP posts:
whatisgoingtohappen · 29/10/2020 17:06

I don’t want to be celibate. I just can’t see me meeting anyone (am divorced). Have also gone so long without that kind of attention that I wouldn’t have a clue how to take anything forward or be anything other than single. I don’t like the situation however.

Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 17:08

I don't think it is really, people realise the relationship was wrong and it's valid to decide to be celebate

Confused I’m not sure what you think I’m referring to but I’m talking about the comments about there being no decent men left.

Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 17:09

I also don’t want to be celibate. I have been for 5 years, not through choice, I’m so done with it.

TheQueef · 29/10/2020 17:13

I'm happily celebate and just the thought of being intimate with a porn addled man is enough for it to slam shut.
Too Old and too wise to the pitfalls to consider a man now.
Besides I've already built a catio.

PicsInRed · 29/10/2020 17:17

There are so many married men on the look out and they are often "good, family men". Mumsnet didn't make me cynical - it's navigating the adulterous swamp of the real life office and even the school gate (!) which did that.

Whybot · 29/10/2020 17:31

I was surprised how many ppl are in coercive /abusive relationships, what are we letting our sons think is ok?

HaleNo · 29/10/2020 17:37

@Smallsteps88

I don't think it is really, people realise the relationship was wrong and it's valid to decide to be celebate

Confused I’m not sure what you think I’m referring to but I’m talking about the comments about there being no decent men left.

I just meaned there are decent men 'left' so it's highly likely you'll meet someone if you want to and open to possibilities and not too jaded whilst also being aware of pitfalls :)

There isn't any way you'd think you were defective, so don't think the men are. Sometimes it doesn't work out first time round. Keep hope and a fresh heart.

Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 18:03

Ah ok, yes you’re right.

RantyAnty · 29/10/2020 18:43

I used to think that a relationship would have some benefit, but after a few tries and seeing the crap other women have to put up with, just to be in one, no thanks.

Being in a relationship seems to mean a whole lot of donkey work for little to nothing in return. Most men are incredibly selfish, entitled and boring.

Meruem · 29/10/2020 18:49

Its my own experiences that have put me off ever wanting another relationship and I now love my single life. However occasionally I do have a wobble and feel a bit lonely. When that happens, I come on the relationships board and it reminds me why I've made my decision. I feel quite bad saying that because I guess I am using other peoples misery as validation for my choice. But a quick reminder of the hell that is dating, seeing people heartbroken that their partner has left them, it all confirms to me that the risks outweigh any potential benefits for me.

Burmesecatlover · 29/10/2020 19:28

Your comment about a catio made me chuckle and then I realised I have three cats and a rather large catservatory. Totally single here! And, relationship board has been an education

Original poster
Angelfish2021 · 29/10/2020 20:30

I'm just up for a bit of fun and dating with some new men and ive already been ghosted a fair few times before we have even met!!
One story that just makes me feel hopeless is one that was on the aibu about the man who cast porn accidentally onto the living room TV instead of the bedroom TV and the grandkids were downstairs watching cbeebies. I keep thinking about that and I think, nah I'll never live with another man again!!!

OP posts:
TheQueef · 29/10/2020 20:41

3 cats is fine.
6 is the tipping point imo.

I despair at what some men have exposed and normalised to themselves.
I blame porn for a lot of ills.
Now you could be getting anything.
If I met the perfect bloke I'd clone and sell him not date him.

stout · 29/10/2020 21:41

I think you have to take this place with a pinch of salt. As has been said you're only going to read the bad stories and lets be honest you're more likely to be hearing from the sinned against than the sinning.

I think what gets overlooked is maybe a fair number of good men (no idea what this figure looks like) have had a tough time with a difficult partner and are very much guarded. Most relationships nowadays seem to be based on what the woman wants or else they will be off with someone else, once you've been through it once there's really not much incentive to go through it again.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 29/10/2020 22:00

Short answer yes. Even with your 30 minutes here and there (like me) this board is full of the worst of male specimens. Any time there is a thread about how great some people's partners are I am dragged in, in hope of the antidote. If there is somewhere that would balance it out I would be there! However, it isn't just here, OLD also just adds to the issue.

Original poster
Angelfish2021 · 29/10/2020 22:09

What always annoys me is the story of:
My dh is a great man, a brilliant dad, a loving husband etc etc but I've just caught him sexting on snapchat

It's so much worse than:
My dh is always been a bit of a shagger so if was no surprise that I caught him sexting on Snapchat!

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 29/10/2020 22:23

I was in a shit relationship when I joined mumsnet. Then I became single and spent ages reading the relationship board. It taught me so much that it made me have much stronger boundaries. Now when I see my friends being treated like crap I get exasperated by them putting up with it and making excuses for mens bad behaviour.
Then I remember my boundaries were equally as crap before I witnessed the straight talking on here.
I think every woman should spend 3 months on the relationships board before dating Grin.
Its totally changed my life for the better.

Isitsixoclockalready · 29/10/2020 22:31

There are a lot of wankers out there but as has been pointed out, you don't get many people posting messages about their good relationships as you don't need advice on how to deal with a decent bloke who hasn't shagged around, isn't abusive or doesn't watch porn 24/7 etc. Even where people have posted messages about their husband/partner being a decent bloke, it's not generally what people want to see, especially when they are having to deal with a tosser in their own lives.

LongWay833 · 29/10/2020 22:41

It's not made me want to a lesbian because Mumsnet has put me off women AND men, the amount of female posters that can't accept that people have a different viewpoint to them. That this is a forum where anybody can post, even if they disagree with them. That are rude and invalidating to OPs. That when somebody says at 7pm that they have just found out their partner is cheating.... If they haven't left by 10pm, posters start to get annoyed. And yes I can just not read the forums, but I prefer to moan about them instead.

Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 22:43

I think every woman should spend 3 months on the relationships board before dating

Yes!!

RenascenceWoman · 29/10/2020 22:52

@Northernsoullover

I was in a shit relationship when I joined mumsnet. Then I became single and spent ages reading the relationship board. It taught me so much that it made me have much stronger boundaries. Now when I see my friends being treated like crap I get exasperated by them putting up with it and making excuses for mens bad behaviour. Then I remember my boundaries were equally as crap before I witnessed the straight talking on here. I think every woman should spend 3 months on the relationships board before dating Grin. Its totally changed my life for the better.
This is what I've learned from Mumsnet. That us women are strong, we're no fools. Whether we LTB or stay for the kids or the financial security , we are in control of ourselves. We can take their crap & learn from it - become better people.

The humour with which women deal with some of this really dark stuff is a marker of their sense and strength DP moaned there's no food for example.

They pull themselves up from the pit of despair and fight. Mumsnet has given me a renewed admiration for women. We are the warriors! 💪🏽

Sakurami · 29/10/2020 23:13

No, lots of really nice men out there. Just that people don't post about them on here. My brothers, my father and many of my friends' husbands are lovely.

I've had a few relationships, half I ended because my feelings changed but they are decent men. I had one cheat and one controlling. I've been dating for a few years and though I had fun, they didn't last. I'm now seeing someone who seems amazing.

But at the end of the day, I only want to be with someone who is amazing for me, as I'm happier on my own than with the wrong person. But being with the right person does make life a lot nicer.

IncandescentSilver · 29/10/2020 23:17

Possibly it's strengthened my boundaries by giving me the support of other women to flow my gut instincts.

I dumped someone 5 minutes ago. I went on a date with him before lockdown, was actually OK, good convo, bought me lunch (I travelled) then went for a walk.

Stayed in touch although he lives quite far away and he sent me a few messages this week. About sex. About playing with himself. Then pretended it was a typo. More mention of sex. I told him, twice, that talking about sex on messaging apps put me off (it really does), tried to make conversation, but no, just got another message tonight mentioning sex again.

So I blocked him everywhere.

I can see why men who have a little charm get more a toon. There are probably only about 12 of them in the whole of the UK!

gindinner · 30/10/2020 01:39

I read so much crap about men, that when I finally met someone who seemed normal, I quickly developed a crush. But, I can also spot a loser at 100 paces

wobblywinelover · 30/10/2020 01:51

All of the threads i've read on this forum have validated my experiences and fears that i've had with men over the years, particularly in my forties. And i'm one of the ones who are probably psychologically damaged by shitty male behaviour over the years and have now given up. Some of the things which go on are totally disgusting. I can't believe some men are treating women so badly and I haven't come across a decent bloke in ten years either. Experiences for me have ranged from being stalked, sexually coerced and assaulted, lied to and emotionally abused. To the point where I don't even think a good man exists. So i'm protecting myself and my mental health by staying away from them.