Tinder app appears on my phone - bf doesn't believe me

[coffeecroissant]

Hello all,

Something rather strange happened this evening. My partner arrived home from work very angry.

According to him I've downloaded Tinder, or used Tinder in the time I've had an android phone (which is the time I've been with him, when I used Tinder I had an iPhone). I was shocked because I haven't used Tinder for at least six years, before I met him, but he showed me the suggested apps in the Google Playstore and there it is, ready to be installed (along with Bumble, which I've never used in my life). I've been with him for four years.

Can these popular apps be suggested to anyone who fits the right demographic (mid 20's etc)? Really puzzled and my bf is really angry. My Phone's a Huawei if that makes any difference!

[TwentyViginti]

I knew he'd be a sulker. As pps have said, this treatment will escalate until you become a shadow of yourself.

[coffeecroissant]

@Dery

“I guess it sets a precedent for the rest of our relationship where he is able to accuse as he likes with no reason.”

Yes - either he backs down or you bin him. Accusing you of cheating and refusing to hear explanations as to why you haven’t sounds like he’s laying the groundwork for future abuse: demanding you prove your loyalty by not going out, dressing a certain way, doing as he tells you, verbally and perhaps physically roughing you up a bit if you don’t capitulate etc.

If this is out of character and a one-off, you may be able to move beyond it but there are lots of red flags here.

Hi Dery,

Thanks for your message. No unfortunately, it's not a one off when put alongside the other things that you mentioned.

[ThatsHowItStarts]

Have you asked him how he knows what's on your phone.?

[TwentyViginti]

So he's been controlling in other ways?

[Dery]

Sorry to hear that, Coffee. Sounds like you need out of this relationship. He sounds like he could be dangerous to you. And even if not, you don’t need his unhealthy bullshit. Do you have somewhere else you could go?

[MitziK]

I'm going to have a look on my suggested apps.

Lidl.
Mushroom Identification.
Duolingo.
Disney.
Tik Tok.
All Trails: Hiking, Rinning and Montaineering
Just Eat.
Strava Running Tracker.
Fitbit.
Garmin Connect.
A bus company from the Southwest
John Lewis.
Slimming world.
NHS Weight Loss Plan
Just Park.
A compass app.
Mobile banking for every high street bank.
Another compass app.
Another compass app.
Pizza.
KFC
McDonalds
All the coffee shops.
Two pub chains.
Music.
Sleep sounds/Rain sounds/meditation apps.
All the supermarkets.
All the sports shops.
Two sports channels.
Some cheap clothing sellers.
Another fucking compass app.
All the TV channels.
TWO more fucking compass apps and a GPS navigator.
A stargazing app.
John Lewis.
OS Maps.
Plant Identification.
Another stargazing app.
Weather forecasting apps.
And an invitation to install the Serco tracking app.

Fuck's sake, another three compass apps I hadn't spotted when I scrolled down.


And on the Ads: Suggested for you, I have Bumble, Audible, a spying app, Tinder, some random 'meeting people' apps I've never heard of, several trading apps and one for transferring money to Africa. And a 4chan browser tool.


I'm 47, don't do running, don't climb mountains, can't see any stars where I live due to street lighting, haven't travelled further than the hospital since March, have never managed to get lost in the roughly 3 mile radius in which I have spent the last three years (and the mile and a half I have travelled in the last six months) and have no reason to be looking at any of those those things.

The Ad section has the dating apps 'all lined up'.



I think you need to bin him - for being terminally thick, never mind anything else.

[Mydogmylife]

'He refused to answer and said that's not the point'
Actually it's very much the point! He's snooping and behaving in a totally controlling and abusive way. Please have my very first LTB , things will only go downhill from here

[ABabyPanda]

He’s probably been snooping on your phone for a while, reading your text messages and browsing history. I would despise the lack of privacy - it’s a fundamental right!

I would put a passcode on my phone, Touch ID or whatnot & if he doesn’t apologise him him. This is really shocking behaviour! Especially when it’s not like you’ve cheated on him before and give him any reason not to trust you!

[coffeecroissant]

@Dery

“He's just staying in our room and not speaking to me.”

Fine. Leave him to stew. Are you safe? Has he been physically violent before?

I'm physically okay, he's never been physically violent to me, so I'm not worried about that.

That'showitstarts - Yes, I have, but he refused to answer.

Twenty - yes, starting to worry that's already happening :(

[MiddleClassMother]

I was about to say that you probably had used tinder as apps don't just appear on your phone, the title is slightly misleading. Honestly I'm sure most people are suggested tinder, I just checked my app store and I am (using an iPhone) Your boyfriend is being pathetic and paranoid. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

[PixelatedLunchbox]

"this is the first time he's been as sneaky as this"

Oh I can pretty much guarantee you that it isn't - this discovery just pushed him over the edge into revealing himself. Lock your phone, change your passwords.

[coffeecroissant]

Twenty, Dery:

Yes I think he is controlling, he gives me a hard time if I see friends that he doesn't like, or if I change my plans and do something different with friends when he's not there. But it's never too bad, it's the kind of thing that once in a while you could let it go but it's been happening more and more frequently.

I guess it just took this situation to put things into perspective.

[coffeecroissant]

@MiddleClassMother

I was about to say that you probably had used tinder as apps don't just appear on your phone, the title is slightly misleading. Honestly I'm sure most people are suggested tinder, I just checked my app store and I am (using an iPhone) Your boyfriend is being pathetic and paranoid. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

I know MiddleClassMother I just needed to quickly write a title that wouldn't take up a whole paragraph.

I did think, well maybe I downloaded it to browse through as a joke with friends as I used to while at uni, and just forgot about it.

But it was just above a compass app and another tech app called Ant? Which I am sure and certain that I never downloaded.

[TwentyViginti]

Oh right. Yes it's escalating and yes you need to split. Your life will become a nightmare if you don't.

[DianaT1969]

I think you should leave just because he's so thick. Who wants to go through life with an idiot who thinks a suggested app is one you are using?

[DiscustinHunAmFummin]

I have just looked in my play store library (which I've never even looked in before) and if I scroll down there are things like Samsung, Sony account manager and Xperia keyboard. It's been a really long time since I've had either of those so it must also connect from the email addresses linked, of which I have a few.
I just don't think it even matters he sound horrible and I really hope you LTB as soon as you can.

[Ducksurprise]

Just checked my suggested apps, even my phone doesn't think I'm good enough for Tinder 🙄😂, nice to know phone.

Your partner is a twat, but I always think those that accuse have something to hide. So possibly a cheating twat. Did you deactivate your Tinder profile, could he have seen an old one, could someone be using your details, my friend once got a suggestion and the picture was George Clooney. Pretty sure he hasn't relocated to Norwich.

[DiscustinHunAmFummin]

Oh now I'm confused is it actually in your library or is it within the suggested ads on the main page? Again not that it matters but either way it's not actually installed in your phone!

[newnameforthis123]

@coffeecroissant

Twenty, Dery:

Yes I think he is controlling, he gives me a hard time if I see friends that he doesn't like, or if I change my plans and do something different with friends when he's not there. But it's never too bad, it's the kind of thing that once in a while you could let it go but it's been happening more and more frequently.

I guess it just took this situation to put things into perspective.

You need to break up, you can't be in a healthy relationship with someone controlling like this. It's very far from normal and acceptable for him to dictate terms to you like this and it's concerning he's ramped it up recently. That will just continue to happen.

[Dery]

I think Twenty is right about this. It’s good he hasn’t been physically violent and perhaps he never will be but he’s already being emotionally and psychologically violent and that could easily spill into physical violence. And the non-physical violence is reason enough to split. He sounds unsafe to me. This is not how a decent BF behaves. He’s trying to bully some more concessions out of you.

[Sparklfairy]

I'm so angry for you OP so he gets to throw accusations around but won't be open with his own Google play and phone?! Cheeky controlling fucker.

[widespreadpanic]

@TeddyIsaHe

Your phone probably realises what a knob your bf is and suggested it for you so you can bin him off.

He’s bonkers, who gets annoyed about suggested apps?!

😂

[MitziK]

Oh, I've just found the library tab.

It lists apps I had on previous mobiles, such as those for Sony now I've got a Samsung. And a trading app, which I have never downloaded because I'm not stupid that appears on YouTube adverts a lot.

No dating shite, though.

[notagoat]

My recent ex was like this, the exact same thing even down to the suggested apps on google play store. It escalated in the end to where he would basically time how long it took me to go anywhere and I found out he had been leaving his phone at home to record me. Just leave now, honestly it won't get better.

[TwentyViginti]

@notagoat

My recent ex was like this, the exact same thing even down to the suggested apps on google play store. It escalated in the end to where he would basically time how long it took me to go anywhere and I found out he had been leaving his phone at home to record me. Just leave now, honestly it won't get better.

There's your future, right there OP.