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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tinder app appears on my phone - bf doesn't believe me

122 replies

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 18:23

Hello all,

Something rather strange happened this evening. My partner arrived home from work very angry.

According to him I've downloaded Tinder, or used Tinder in the time I've had an android phone (which is the time I've been with him, when I used Tinder I had an iPhone). I was shocked because I haven't used Tinder for at least six years, before I met him, but he showed me the suggested apps in the Google Playstore and there it is, ready to be installed (along with Bumble, which I've never used in my life). I've been with him for four years.

Can these popular apps be suggested to anyone who fits the right demographic (mid 20's etc)? Really puzzled and my bf is really angry. My Phone's a Huawei if that makes any difference!

OP posts:

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 18:49

Tell him to look at HIS suggested apps - but I'd also consider dumping for accessing your phone.

Sparklfairy · 26/10/2020 18:51

@coffeecroissant

That's my worry too Sparklfairy.

I didn't think he was really paranoid, but he just isn't listening to me. And because I have a rather wild past he doesn't trust me now.

Mine was the kindest, sweetest, most laid back man. But then he would come out with these wild accusations. Not even in an angry or aggressive way, just a matter of fact 'I know' way. I constantly felt on the back foot and like I had to explain myself.

What you have to remember is, you can't prove a double negative. So if he's made up is mind on some deep level that you're a slut and cheating, then there is no way to change his mind. I'm sorry. It's horrible. I recently spoke with mine and his deep seated hatred for the lying cheating person he thinks I am is quite soul destroying tbh.

Original poster

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 18:56

Oh no Sparklfairy :(

That's kind of how my bf is too right now... Just like 'I know you've used tinder' and not even considering that it could be a suggestion?

OP posts:

CandyLeBonBon · 26/10/2020 18:57

Blimey op that's a leap on his behalf? Fuck that shit. Unless you've cheated on him before, your 'wild past' should have no bearing on anything. It sounds like pure paranoia.

Sparklfairy · 26/10/2020 19:01

@coffeecroissant

Oh no Sparklfairy :(

That's kind of how my bf is too right now... Just like 'I know you've used tinder' and not even considering that it could be a suggestion?

Then the only thing I can suggest is a firm, 'I'm telling you right now I have never downloaded Tinder. Do your research on suggested apps and how they work. This is the last I'm speaking on the matter because I have done nothing wrong. If you don't like it, you know where the door is as I refuse to put up with constant accusations.'

I spent months trying to reassure him. But once one thing worked, there'd be another accusation. It's really no way to live. This will be hard for you to hear but if you say the above and he walks, let him.

AramintaLee · 26/10/2020 19:02

OP... you said this is the first time he's been sneaky? I would suggest it's the first time you're aware of him being sneaky. I imagine this isn't the first time he's checked up on you.

I think this situation should be a massive red flag. I would be running - not walking - away.

Original poster

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 19:03

Candylebonbon - I've never cheated on him, it's a total leap from him.

It's why it's so strange, I have had a really demanding job in the time that I've known him and I've always let him know more or less where I am. I'm not a secretive person so I'm really feeling let down that he'd suddenly accuse me of using a dating app!

OP posts:

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 19:04

He's on Tinder himself then?

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 19:05

I would actually make a profile now and go find him

Original poster

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 19:08

Thanks for the advice Sparklfairy.. Will be telling him that but unfortunately he sounds so much like your ex I think I know the direction this is heading...

AramintaLee yes I agree, I would say the same to a friend with this issue! Totally shocked but I know men can hide their true nature for years.

No no, Twenty Vigilante hes not on tinder, neither am I it's just a suggested app on my Google okay store account! Hence why it is so strange that he's acting like I'm actually on tinder!

OP posts:

Original poster

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 19:10

I should say, Twenty Vigilante, that I assume he's not on Tinder. Unless this is just a classic accusation to cover his own tracks

OP posts:

nevermorelenore · 26/10/2020 19:11

Could he have got onto your Google account some other way and had a nose around? Are you logged in anywhere else like a laptop or tablet that he could have nosed around?

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 19:13

I was thinking he may be on Tinder to 'catch you out' and maybe saw a profile that COULD be you. I believe you, that you're not on there!

Original poster

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 19:16

Nevermore - possibly, but he only has a work computer and got a new phone a few days ago.

I have several devices but they're all at home with me.

I did think about him hacking me as I've just finished watching Mr Robot... But he really is not great with technology.

OP posts:

Original poster

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 19:18

Ah yes Twenty sorry I misunderstood!

That could very well be it... But he didn't show me a profile or anything. It was literally just the app suggestion on my play store account!

OP posts:

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 19:20

You need to lock your tech down and think about your future with Mr Paranoia.

Original poster

coffeecroissant · 26/10/2020 19:22

@TwentyViginti

You need to lock your tech down and think about your future with Mr Paranoia.

Yes, you're right Twenty.

OP posts:

TurquoiseDragon · 26/10/2020 19:24

OP, I suggest backing up your data and then doing a factory reset on your phone. I wouldn't be surprised if he's downloaded something to track your phone usage, etc.

Although you reckon he's not great, he may have still found out how to do it.

And, even if he hasn't, his level of distrust in you is bad enough I'd say end the relationship. You know the truth, but he is not willing to listen. I also fear this could escalate.

Wyntersdiary · 26/10/2020 19:25

-_- oh wow so much duh brain here....

Suggested doesnt necessarily mean because you have used things like it, it can mean that lots of other people are iking the app so its suggesting it to you in case you would like it too.

I would LTB, Its not like its downloaded and your bf sounds paranoid.

D00MGL00M · 26/10/2020 19:29

It's not on your phone though? It's just a recommendation. I get similar on my my gmail if I access via a browser.

The fact he knows what your suggested apps while looking at work sounds like he may be logging into google store on a different device, you can get an android simulator to run on a windows PC for example and if you've given him your password in the past, or use the same combo for everything he could be snooping that way on. He can find out your AppStore purchase history without ever having your phone in his hand.

If you use gmail and are signed in all the time, check your setting because if he's got access to that he can also check your search terms on chrome and what google services you've used etc.

I'd be furious about the spying and getting angry about recommendations. It's creepy and weird.

DC3Dakota · 26/10/2020 19:29

Does he have access to your gmail email account? If so, the play store may have emailed you with "Here are your suggested apps!" Could that be it?

DC3Dakota · 26/10/2020 19:30

Also, if he does have access to your Gmail account, he can use those logins to view what apps you have downloaded

earthtopluto · 26/10/2020 19:31

If he's had time to look at your potentially downloaded apps and suggested apps, he's also looked at your messages and emails etc. No way a paranoid snoop goes straight to the app store! I would hate it if anyone looked at my phone without my permission. It's a massive breach of trust.

Sillybilly5 · 26/10/2020 19:32

Go in to your play store. At the top right corner your initial will be there click on it. You should see your name and email. If there is any other name/email too (your boyfriends) then he can do the same on his phone and see what apps you have also probably can see your emails too, so when he clicks on his initial your email comes up, he clicks on it and can see your apps and recent downloads/removed. Also possibly your emails too. All he has to know is your sign in for Google play.

DanceThen · 26/10/2020 19:36

Suggested apps are ads. Almost everyone will have tinder as suggested, unless you already have downloaded the app!

The question is why did he know that at work?

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