Husband in a huff

[cheesersqueezer]

My DH is annoyed with me. I have no idea why. This is not unusual. We texted today whilst he was at work and I sensed something was 'off' but I wasn't picking up just how 'huffy' he is on this particular occasion. He came in from work obviously in a mood. I asked what was wrong, he ignored me and walked upstairs.

I used to ask over and over 'whats wrong' , 'have I upset you' etc and he would continue to say 'nothing's wrong' and then after a time he may say what was actually wrong, or I may never find out what was wrong. I decided to stop asking over and over and last time he huffed, I just ignored him. He apologised the next day.

I am ignoring him tonight and we'll see what happens. His behaviour is obviously childish but I also think its bullying. He doesn't agree. His parents could huff with each other for days,- I think his dad maybe prided himself on how long he could huff for, so this has probably influenced his view of it.

Any suggestions as to other ways of reacting to his behaviour?

[Geppili]

Emotional abuse. Your kids will be learning that this is normal behaviour.

[cheesersqueezer]

He tried to speak earlier to me earlier to explain about a job he's doing in the house and to ask my opinion. When I said I wouldn't speak as though everything is normal, he said fine, I'll decide without you. I said he was being unreasonable and he said 'I'm beyond caring'.

He then went on to say he has reduced his monthly contribution to a joint account we have by more than half. When I asked what he was talking about he said "if you don't understand what I'm talking about, I'll write it down for you".

Just to emphasise, I have no clue what has annoyed him. I know he will expect me to know and will be angry that I don't.

[Raindancer411]

What does the joint account pay for? Could it be linked or has he done that to start an argument?

[billy1966]

OP, hugely abusive relationship.

You are an abused woman.

Your son is in an abusive home.

Contact Women's Aid and get help.

Please stop trying to fix and accommodate an abusive man.

Think about your child's future whic is going to be so impacted by this awful.

Who cares what the hell is wrong with him.

Protect your child.

[category12]

I really don't know why you are seeing this for what it is? It isn't your husband being a bit of a grump and having a bad moment - this is emotional abuse that is damaging not only you but your dc.

[Plussizejumpsuit]

OP this is bullying and abuse. It's awful soul destroying behaviour. Why are you in the relationship now?

[rowrowrowyaboat]

You have wronged him somehow and now he is punishing you, first emotionally and second financially....whats the next punishment? He is upping the ante, he is (and will) get more and more abusive. You have to end this op, for you and your son.

[user1493494961]

Fuzzymoon - I think stropalops and huffysnuffy are brilliant.

[FredtheFerret]

I would be telling him that's absolutely fine. I will be filing for divorce at this point, because your behaviour is utterly abusive. I think you'll find it will cost you a lot more than the 'half' you're putting in our joint account.

And then I'd fucking do it.

[londonscalling]

Get dressed up, get your coat on, go to the front door, shout "bye" and go out for the night.

You can tell him later that you'd have told him you were going out if he'd been speaking to you!

[Sunnydaysstillhere]

You need to beware of the finances op. Sounds like he has plans afoot..

[londonscalling]

His family brought him up like that. It sounds like he's now doing the same
to your son! Do not allow your son to witness this!

[RandomMess]

After your last comment I would filing for divorce!!!!!

How dare he reduce money to the joint account to punish you for not smoothing things over and begging to be told what misdemeanour you have dared to do

He is abusive.

[HotPatootiebootie]

This is shocking op. How on Earth you've put up with this for so long I don't know. My mum was like this with my dad. I hated it.

I hope you sort this out for your child sake.

[Eckhart]

You're in an abusive relationship, OP. He's not had success in distressing you using his usual method so now he's gone a step further and is starting to bring financial abuse (or the threat of it) in, to support his efforts.

Rather than asking him what's wrong, have you calmly asked him 'How am I supposed to know what is wrong?'

From what you've said, he clearly thinks you should know. He must have a reason for thinking that.

[ferntwist]

OP it’s so good that you can see this for what it is, clearly part of a pattern of emotional abuse/manipulation by him. Excellent that you are finally going to let him know he can’t behave like this. It’s so unfair to you and your son.

[Regularsizedrudy]

So when his emotional abuse didn’t have the desired effect he decided to financially abuse you.

[Isthisit22]

He is escalating his abuse as his usual method has not cowed you enough.
Hope you manage to leave this awful man

[cheesersqueezer]

He has made up a bed in another room and has gone there.

[Porridgeoat]

Sit him down and tell him the childish huffing need to stop immediately as it has no place in your life. You’re at a crossroads as youve no intention of enduring silly behaviour. He needs to communicate properly . Tell him he’s been conditioned into thinking it’s normal due to his childhood but you have never experienced this behaviour before apart from him

[Anotheruser02]

What an arsshole. I hope your Son is ok, this kind of thing used to give me stomach aches as a kid.

[billy1966]

@Anotheruser02

What an arsshole. I hope your Son is ok, this kind of thing used to give me stomach aches as a kid.

That's EXACTLY what it does, and the memory lasts a lifetime.

Op, protect that child.

[relievedlady]

After that threat I would be telling him if he wants to continue to add financial abuse to his hall of shame he needs to pack a bag and piss off now.

Or better still pack a bag for him and tell him to piss off.
He's trying to excert his power because he has realised your not putting up with his shit so you need to match fire with fire now op.

A threat to pay less money into the family account to cover the bills is literally the lowest so far. I'd be telling him that.

[newnameforthis123]

This is all so damaging to your son as well as you. It's become toxic and if one party isn't willing to discuss it and work hard to resolve it, that can't be fixed. Please don't facilitate this relationship model being passed onto your little boy.

[Eckhart]

@cheesersqueezer

He has made up a bed in another room and has gone there

This must be driving you nuts.

Don't cave, though. It's like a child having a tantrum - it's a battle of wills. If you took it to the extreme (and I think you need to), do you think he'll just live seperately from you from now on, never really speaking? For a month? For 6 months? For a year?