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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He’s trying to ghost me?

89 replies

Emmalanexxx · 21/10/2020 09:30

Me and this guy have been seeing each other for 5 months now, been speaking for 8. I really didn’t expect it especially after my prev relationship but I fell head over heels in love with this guy. He’s so kind, handsome and affectionate, I have felt so comfortable with him and he always keeps me laughing. I can honestly say I’ve never fell so hard for a man before, our personalities just clicked instantly and he did cute considerate things no one has ever done for me. He ticked every box other than he has drama with his daughters mom every now and then but I haven’t got involved in that to know the ins and outs, just they don’t seem to get on.

Anyway, last week Wednesday he asked me to see him as normal (we’ve been seeing each other pretty regularly) and we had a good time, I came home and we were texting as normal up until Sunday mid day. I text him and instead of getting a response a normal amount of time later, he messaged back at 10PM, then we had a brief convo, said goodnight and instead of a usual morning text the next day, I got one message at 5pm and never heard off him after. Then yesterday he messaged me in the morning, I sent a message at 2PM and he has replied now this morning. This behaviour is OFF, he isn’t busy with work and these aren’t the days he’s had his son either so I can’t figure out the reason. I haven’t addressed the issue with him only vaguely asked if everything’s ok to which he said it is. The way he’s turned cold on me has upset me and had me feeling pretty low, I feel as though I was on this massive high because of him and now it’s all crashed suddenly.

His message this morning is short, is a response to what I said yesterday and then asks “you ok?” So my question is do I either tell him what I’m thinking, if so how?, not address it and play cool for a few more days or just ignore the message? I usually never let a guy get the best of me, I just really allowed him into my life and allowed myself to get such heavy feelings for him and now I feel horrible to be honest.

OP posts:
Bedsheets4knickers · 25/10/2020 08:00

🙌🙌 you'll be more than ok . Best update ever . Have a happy Sunday 😘

Rollergirl11 · 25/10/2020 08:52

Good for you OP! His loss. Did you reply or ignore to his phishing text?

Emmalanexxx · 25/10/2020 09:10

@Bedsheets4knickers Thank you and you! 😘

@Rollergirl11 yes I ignored the message and he has since text me again asking when I’m free which I haven’t responded to.

Weird psychology but genuinely when you stop giving someone attention they come back.

OP posts:
Rollergirl11 · 25/10/2020 09:48

@Emmalanexxx I bet you receive a flurry of texts now that he realises he’s overplayed his hand. Well done, you can leave this sorry situation with the upper hand and your head held high! Stay strong! 💪🏻

BuffaloMozzerella · 25/10/2020 14:09

Just wait for the ones telling you how unreasonable and childish you are being for not responding 😉😉😉

OwlOne · 25/10/2020 14:17

Good update.
However you phrase it, getting turned off by their ambivalence is the way to go.

minibreakams1 · 25/10/2020 14:22

Great update, would be good advice for many others who (annoyingly) will go through the same thing. Keep on smiling :)

Muchadoaboutlife · 25/10/2020 14:25

Keep up the no contact. If I was you I’d do it right up until your birthday and see what efforts he makes

Bedsheets4knickers · 05/11/2020 13:57

Op how are you getting on ?

ChippyPickledEggs · 05/11/2020 16:10

I find all these posts advising against 'game playing' and suggesting OP just 'be honest and ask what's going on' really naive. Honestly, to what purpose should she do this?

He doesn't want to talk about it. Otherwise he would be talking about it. He doesn't want to have an honest and open conversation. Or he would be having one. "Being honest" and "asking him what's going on" is utterly, utterly pointless. He won't tell the truth (because if he wanted to tell the truth he already would be) and OP will be no further forward.

Ignoring his messages is not "playing games". It's a considered response like any other - one that allows the OP to retain her dignity and power and self respect. Chasing after idiots like this and whining, 'but why aren't you talking to meeeee' is just demeaning. It has certainly never transformed a cowardly chancer into an open and honest communicator.

OwlOne · 05/11/2020 16:52

So true

Requinblanc · 05/11/2020 17:06

You are over-analysing...

He could be under the weather, busy at work, family problems, there are many reasons why we suddenly have to focus on something else for a bit . The worst thing you can do is panic and push by sending endless text. Let him contact you. If he does not make any effort to get in touch, you have your answer.

Skyla2005 · 05/11/2020 21:40

I think you should just back away. Keep as busy as you can and keep your mind off him as much as pos. if he misses you he will call you. If he doesn’t his not worth it and you have to move on. It’s horrible feeling but it’s the only way you will find out. Don’t message atall now and just see It’s not playing games it’s protecting yourself from being played along

WithLotsOfSprinkles0 · 05/11/2020 22:01

Have you met him OP?

If you do I would be bringing this up with him and that in future he should be more considerate of your feelings.

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