He’s trying to ghost me?

[Emmalanexxx]

Me and this guy have been seeing each other for 5 months now, been speaking for 8. I really didn’t expect it especially after my prev relationship but I fell head over heels in love with this guy. He’s so kind, handsome and affectionate, I have felt so comfortable with him and he always keeps me laughing. I can honestly say I’ve never fell so hard for a man before, our personalities just clicked instantly and he did cute considerate things no one has ever done for me. He ticked every box other than he has drama with his daughters mom every now and then but I haven’t got involved in that to know the ins and outs, just they don’t seem to get on.

Anyway, last week Wednesday he asked me to see him as normal (we’ve been seeing each other pretty regularly) and we had a good time, I came home and we were texting as normal up until Sunday mid day. I text him and instead of getting a response a normal amount of time later, he messaged back at 10PM, then we had a brief convo, said goodnight and instead of a usual morning text the next day, I got one message at 5pm and never heard off him after. Then yesterday he messaged me in the morning, I sent a message at 2PM and he has replied now this morning. This behaviour is OFF, he isn’t busy with work and these aren’t the days he’s had his son either so I can’t figure out the reason. I haven’t addressed the issue with him only vaguely asked if everything’s ok to which he said it is. The way he’s turned cold on me has upset me and had me feeling pretty low, I feel as though I was on this massive high because of him and now it’s all crashed suddenly.

His message this morning is short, is a response to what I said yesterday and then asks “you ok?” So my question is do I either tell him what I’m thinking, if so how?, not address it and play cool for a few more days or just ignore the message? I usually never let a guy get the best of me, I just really allowed him into my life and allowed myself to get such heavy feelings for him and now I feel horrible to be honest.

Could it be he is suddenly busy? I'd do a breezy 'Yes all fine here, how are you, you seem a bit quiet which isn't like you, all OK at work? '

And see how he responds.

I hate how guys do this suddenly but I have experience of this too. It all feels great and they seem really into me etc and then they just go cold.
All I would say is play it cool because if he senses a desperate vibe from you, that will push him further away. Give him a chance to miss you and miss talking to you.

Yes I would let him make the first move on the messages and be easy breezy. I wouldn't mention he now takes longer to respond etc.. that will sound desperate
I would arrange another meet up though and his response to that will tell you everything. If he is keen and arranges straight away he just has been busy/things on his mind. If he gives excuses and puts it on the long finger, yes you do have cause for concern and he is probably slowly trying to withdraw
Either way you will know soon enough
its awful, I hope it turns out he is just busy

Stop messaging him. If he is busy he should explain that to you instead of suddenly blanking you for hours on end; if he is no longer interested he should tell you instead of blanking you for hours on end. Either way he is the one who should be communicating with you.

But yes, it does sound like he's trying to pull away and break it off; when guys are interested they make it known to you. And asking 'you ok?' after blanking you seems quite insensitive, he will know full well that it's not nice when the person you're dating starts blowing hot and cold with you.

Terrible advice. Don't act 'breezy' when you don't feel at all breezy. You've been seeing him for five months and yes he is actively ghosting you. Nobody is too busy to explain to someone they've been prioritising why they are not a priority anymore. You can be angry and upset that he's breadcrumbing you but you also must accept he is trying to give you the subliminal message that he's lost interest in keeping you feeling valued. Ghost him before he ghosts you. I know you're hurting but at least you can control the narrative here.

Urgh. It sounds like he has started a cowardly slow fade. This has happened to me before, I think you know in your gut that something has changed. Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do, but I think @Angelfish2021 gives good advice - either that or have an honest conversation with him. It’s awful if you start to feel like someone is losing interest but I guess technically it can happen at any time and people have the right to change their minds 🙁

Sounds like the slow fade. I’ve been thru the before, actually most people that have OLD probably have.

I’m with Gilda, as much as it hurts and you want to reach out I would stop texting him. Cell phones have made it way too easy to at least send a quick text explaining what’s going on if he’s busy.

To me he is showing signs of disinterest. So you should do the same.

Oh gosh no, don’t play games and not message back for hours or ghost him back!
Why can’t you just ask him outright?
You have 2 options, spend days playing this game of who’s taking the longest to reply and filling yourself with anxiety that will only effect your next relationship OR you can msg him your concerns and get an answer.
The second option will settle those anxieties either way and mean you can move on quicker
And besides that, even at 5 months, you should be able to be honest with a DP. If you can’t is it really the right relationship?

Why do men do this? Its cowardly and disrespectful because he doesnt want that awkward conversation and is hoping you will get the message. I would ask him directly outright whats going on. In the past I've tried pulling back and acting breezy but then I just get anxious waiting for them to message and hating the whole feeling of uncertainty, then it can come across as needy when do you communicate. If you ask him outright at least you will know.

I'm going through an identical thing right now !! Met a guy 8 months ago totally out of the blue and we got on great so funny etc. He has messaged me every single day since we met, I last saw him Saturday night we had a nice time and his parting words on Sunday Morning were 'see you soon'. His last message to me was Monday but was definitely cooler, I haven't heard since. I feel crap, low and teary I'm not sure he was the man for me but he made me laugh so much and I loved his messages and was lovely to think someone was thinking of me.

If you never let a guy get the best of you, then don't start now.

Get real busy with your life and don't text him anymore.
No, don't mention it as he certainly isn't going to tell you the truth.
Don't plan a meet up.
Let him do it.

The strongest message you can ever send is silence either he's lost interest or feels he can take you for granted. . Make him earn your time.

I reckon it’s better to be upfront and ask him. If you start playing games what does that say about the long term status of the relationship? I prob just ask if everything is ok as you don’t seem as free to chat as normal. He might give you a good reason why-in which case no stress and panic. If you don’t want to be played games with them I’d not do it yourself iyswim

Ask him outright. Why waste time hanging around to see when he next communicates.

His response to your query will tell you what to do next. Oo and also.... Trust your instincts.

I had this...cooling off, no messages for days, excuses not to meet.

I called him out and he never said he wanted to be with me...never completely blew me off either but nothing for days now.

It's shitty cowardly behaviour...why can't they be upfront.

I have been in bits the last few days.

When I asked I got told he was "busy"...they will give excuses. You can sense if something is off. Mine made me think I was the needy one for doubting him but I could tell.

If someone you’re dating turns flakey overnight I say call them out on it.
It’s cowardly, childish and ridiculous behaviour that we all need to quit accepting
I was dating a guy a few months ago, 3 dates and he suddenly changed so I asked him outright what he was looking for. He answered that he wanted a ‘casual’ relationship that was enough for me to say ‘See ya!’ and move on
Let’s be honest, none of us want a relationship with a guy who runs hot and cold but we don’t want to be left hanging for days. We’ve got to take control and knock this crap on the head!

You take control by walking away. No calling out required. It will only hurt you to get into it, because believe me, they already don't care.

How many children does he have, OP?

@Cocklepops Hey, sorry it isn't clear because I said son and daughter seperately my mistake, wasn't fully awake when writing haha. He has 2 children with previous partner, son and daughter and he usually sees them a few times a week.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, its really difficult because it literally is 50/50. Half of me feels if I address it then maybe I might look clingy or potentially desperate but then the other half of me feels as though its better to be up front and have a mature conversation rather than play games-but then would he even be honest anyway... I can't believe how often it happens after reading all your experiences! Surely they are aware how shitty it can make a person feel. Today I've tried to keep busy, he has spoke to me a little bit but still feels off, kinda feel as though I'm just dragging out the end, I don't really see how he could bounce back to normal after this.

This kind of thing is totally shit. I think if it’s been a certain type of communication for 5 months and then it suddenly changes, you know something is off. You say you asked if everything is ok and he said it was, however your gut is telling you everything you need to know, if he was busy with work or something else, he’d have told you so.

I’d be sending the goodbye text ASAP, no point in a long drawn out torturing. Also this isn’t the kind of behaviour you’d want for a LTR.

After all this time you ought to be at a stage where you can ask him what’s going on. Tell him if he wants to cool things that’s fine, but you’d appreciate it if he could be honest and not waste your time.

I would do what the first reply says, it doesn’t have to be a big dramatic reply,
A
Simple ‘hey I’m fine, are you? You seem abit quiet last few days, is everything ok?’ Like that doesn’t sound desperate or needy it just sounds like you’ve noticed he’s not himself and is he ok. If he carries on being a dick after and being offish with you, then he’s doing it on purpose. Or he might apologise and explain if he’s had a bad week or something and then go from there. Don’t waste your time having drippy conversations Because in the end he will say ‘the conversation doesn’t flow anymore like it used to I think the spark is gone’ the usual male bullshit, when the conversation isn’t flowing because he’s being ignorant! Xx

He may be in a low mood about something (ex drama again, maybe) or just feeling off-colour.

The issue with asking is, he may not know if he's just feeling a bit depressed (it's seasonal with some people - as it starts getting dark early) or unwell, or is he losing interest in relationship, he wouldn't want to say anything final or alarm you in case it's just temporary. I felt like that myself at times, and would find it difficult if questioned, as had no clear answers.

But you can always say just that 'you seem to be preoccupied / not quite yourself' and see what he says - rather than questioning him 'are you going off me?'

I wouldn't say anything. Cease contact. Imagine this 20 years down the line... If ever. Men like too blow cold supposed to keep you on your feet. Red flag for me.