Shit timing or deliberately malicious.

[Boredbumhead]

I currently have a positive covid test so I'm isolating with the children. My symptoms are mild and moderate. However 'd' p has been unsympathetic all this time (he is currently not isolating with us as he was away with his work when symptoms developed).

He has chosen today to send me the following message: "Can we sell the house? I really don't want to be in this relationship."

I really don't want to sell the kids home. I am trying to relax and recover from covid.
ABIU to think this timing is deliberately malicious?

How should I respond?

LTB and clear any joint accounts / finances before he does

Time to change locks and lawyer up.

Get some legal advice quickly.

Is it possible he's with another woman?

@Boredbumhead

No matter what, you don't sound happy. We will all help, but we can't like this.

I wouldn't respond until you feel better. He's an arsehole.

Don't reply at all.

Telling him what you want to do or anything will just give him info to use against you.

Were you already splitting up ?

Get advice.

See if you can buy him out somehow.

@NoSquirrels’ suggested message nails it, I think.

Repeated below for ease of reference:

“Sorry to hear that you don't want to be in a relationship with me. We can discuss all matters relating to finances, the house and the children when the children and I don't have to isolate and we can speak in person. I don't want to sell or move, so I guess there will be a lot to talk about. I don't want to do this on text or email.”

Reply "No to sale, but you can buy me out." ?

I’m pretty sure he has to provide a home for the children until they are 18, so he can’t force you to sell.
I don’t know whether you’d discussed splitting, or whether this is totally out of the blue, but it’s a pretty gutless way to end a relationship.
💐💐

Legal advice, if you're not feeling too bad you can start setting up an appointment now ready for when you're out of quarantine.

You earn enough to buy him out. Start fresh

Screenshot the text, with the time stamp
Screenshot your covid result with the time stamp
Print both and keep them so that you have proof of what an utter cunt he is.

Can you afford to live there on your own without him?

Regardless, I would not reply to the text AT ALL.

He sounds like an utter monster from hell.

@Boredbumhead.

Do you think that he's just trying to wind you up when you're ill and doesn't really mean it?

Because your post is about the timing and wanting to keep the house. You don't seem surprised or hurt that your partner and father of your kids is doing a Phil Collins on you.

With 58000 you will be fine. As pp said, how old is your youngest child? Having been in your shoes I'd definitely change the locks and move him out.

Do nothing

You have NO obligation to respond

If he wants to force a sale it would likely take 2-3 years given court backlogs IF he could force a sale - with 'casual work' maybe the house could be in lieu of child support

Just ignore til you get a solicitors letter

He sounds like a nasty bastard, and I do expect the timing was deliberately unkind.

However, you cannot expect to keep the house with £125k of his money (plus or minus his share of equity increase or decrease since you bought) without buying him out. You can't just expect him to walk away with nothing, while you, the higher earner, keeps the lot.

You need to see a solicitor. You will need to get valuations of the house and see if you can remortgage to buy him out.

You are a high earner, and he works casually. You cannot expect to keep a big chunk of his money! He will need that in order to buy his own home.

Since you're not married, all you will be entitled to is child maintenance, as per the CMS calculations.

@ScarMatty

I'm so confused. There must be more to this...

Yes. I feel like there's a massive part of this story missing???

I think you wondering if he's trying to kick you when you're down because of Covid is a weird reaction. Were you expecting this?

How strange!

Ignore his message for now but you know where you stand with him and what to do when you are better.

Sow confusion.
Reply to his message as if it was wishing you and the children well... and reassure him that no you don't need anything just now but it is lovely to know that he'll be there for you if you do.

Be aware that his £125,000 will probably be worth more now five years later when you're doing calculations.

I don't think that staying until the children are 18 has to be allowed, although it can and does happen.

How are you emotionally?

His text does sound as if it is something that you've discussed before.

He definitely is kicking you when you are down. What an absolute arsehole! Thank goodness you are married, own the house jointly and you earn a decent salary. You can be independent of this waste of space. How hurtful it must be for you though, and for your children.

My hope is that you will find a way to keep your current home; it is possible, many do. Take legal advice.

Good luck and dry your tears, better things are ahead - and I do hope you recover from Covid-19 soon with no lasting effects.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

What a prize prick he is.

I wouldn't bother replying at all, tbh.

See what happens next.

I’m surprised by how much I approve of this suggestion.

Normally I’d say ignoring things is a bad idea and doesn’t solve anything, but...It’s perfect. Fuck him. Honestly.