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Original poster

Shit timing or deliberately malicious.

114 replies

Boredbumhead · 19/10/2020 11:08

I currently have a positive covid test so I'm isolating with the children. My symptoms are mild and moderate. However 'd' p has been unsympathetic all this time (he is currently not isolating with us as he was away with his work when symptoms developed).

He has chosen today to send me the following message: "Can we sell the house? I really don't want to be in this relationship."

I really don't want to sell the kids home. I am trying to relax and recover from covid.
ABIU to think this timing is deliberately malicious?

How should I respond?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 19/10/2020 12:11

TBH

If your youngest is 10 for example

I would text back and state I will not be putting the house on the market before 2028. If your not happy with that then I suggest you seek legal advise. full stop

put the ball well and truly in his court and let him do the running around, this gives you time to work out a plan

Windmillwhirl · 19/10/2020 12:11

Yes, it's a rotten thing to do when you are ill. Sounds like he saw this as the perfect time to end it as he is away so doesnt have to come back into the home now.

Definitely see your solicitor asap. You may even be able to have a phone session if you are in lockdown where you are. Get the ball rolling at any rate.

I hope you feel better soon. He was an absolute coward to do it by text.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/10/2020 12:12

What a prize prick he is.

I wouldn't bother replying at all, tbh.

See what happens next.

ABCDay · 19/10/2020 12:14

I wouldn't respond straight away. You can speak to a solicitor over the phone and find out where you stand. Then you can let him know what you plan to do and he can concentrate on his STBX bit on the side.

lyralalala · 19/10/2020 12:15

What a prick. If you feel like it was an attempt to kick you while you are down then it probably is.

It says a lot that he's dumped that on your head while you are ill.

Tell him you'll make an appointment with a solicitor and the bank once you are better.

Whatever happens do not take him back. He's just shown you that when you are struggling he'll happily dump on you from a great height.

NoSquirrels · 19/10/2020 12:16

"Can we sell the house? I really don't want to be in this relationship."

How should I respond?

Sorry to hear that you don't want to be in a relationship with me. We can discuss all matters relating to finances, the house and the children when the children and I don't have to isolate and we can speak in person. I don't want to sell or move, so I guess there will be a lot to talk about. I don't want to do this on text or email.

TheEmpressOfUtterBastardry · 19/10/2020 12:16

Change the locks. If he wants out he can leave. You stay in the house.

AmelieTaylor · 19/10/2020 12:17

Is this the same bloke you separated from 2 years ago?

You've been posting as a single mum for ages. I remember your strange thread about moving to a new area with two small children during Covid and being pushed off that the Café owner didn't want to chat to you about dog walks.

Winter2020 · 19/10/2020 12:17

Hi,
It is very expensive and takes a long time for him to force a sale of your home through the courts. Keep it low key, string it out “I will look forward to hearing from your solicitor....“ (but I’m sure he’ll say no need for that - we can come to an agreement in an attemot to save himsekf money then string it out. Take the longest possible time to respond to anything, and then ask a query. Before you know it years will have passed and you will be in a position to buy him out (with greater equity to allow a re-mortgage).

Unless you can already afford to buy him out and then you might want to do it just to get shot of him.

Changing the locks might be a good starting point.

I would be so angry about his text. I think my gut reaction would be to say “don’t know about the first part of your message but second part is sorted already (you are no longer in a relationship). You can collect your belongings from the shed anytime.

Sexnotgender · 19/10/2020 12:17

I don't want to sell or move, so I guess there will be a lot to talk about. I don't want to do this on text or email.

Personally I prefer email. I like a paper trail.

Viviennemary · 19/10/2020 12:17

It's crass of him but I would imagine splitting up has been on his mind for some time. If the house is jointly owned he will probably try to force a sale. Did he protect his deposit?

Bunnymumy · 19/10/2020 12:18

Based on your update then I'd text back 'ok I feel the same with regards to us. We can discuss the house and other stuff when I'm finished self isolating'. Then ignore any of his replies until I felt up to it.

QueSera · 19/10/2020 12:20

You need to speak to a lawyer or mediator; do some serious legal and financial research first to get some idea of what might be possible. You don't necessarily need to sell the home, but if he wants to, that makes it more difficult; but I don't think he can force you to sell.
Can you buy him out?
Or, there are cases where you can keep the home as the children's main residence until they are 18 (or something like that) and then either pay him off then if you can afford it, or sell it then.

LeaveMyDamnJam · 19/10/2020 12:21

Can you work out what he would pay in child support until your children reach 18. If it is around the deposit for the house can you negotiate that he gives up any right to the house but pays no maintenance?

Gilda152 · 19/10/2020 12:23

Shit timing possibly but not malicious - he can decide any time he wants that he wants to end the relationship.

IndieTara · 19/10/2020 12:23

Op you keep being asked if this was out of the blue or something you had already discussed re splitting up

Winter2020 · 19/10/2020 12:25

Be prepared for him to back peddle when he realises he has no good options for somewhere to live and no access to his money tied up in the house (and that you don’t give a shit!).

Bid876 · 19/10/2020 12:25

I wouldn’t respond, 1 because it’s not a conversation to be had over text and 2 if you don’t respond he is going to have to make an effort to contact you again.

If this has come out of the blue then I’d be fuming and certainly wouldn’t be agreeing to anything without answers to where this has come from. Is he wanting a divorce? What is he wanting custody wise? Is he expecting you just had over the cash he put into the house and walk away?

Even if the relationship was on the rocks he’s still a callous coward for ending a marriage and trying to make his children homeless over text.

I’d be securing anything and everything financially straight away making sure he can’t empty the bank accounts.

ABCDay · 19/10/2020 12:26

@Gilda152

Shit timing possibly but not malicious - he can decide any time he wants that he wants to end the relationship.
Guaranteed he hasn't just decided now, he's been thinking about it for a while.
Shylo · 19/10/2020 12:29

I’m confused, is it just your name on the mortgage? But both names on the deeds? Or both names on both?

If you are the one funding the mortgage just take out a new mortgage in your own name, borrow an extra 12,500 to pay him his deposit and then get his name off the deeds .... job done

What kind of man dumps the mother of his children by text? Kick him to the kerb!

Gilda152 · 19/10/2020 12:31

ABC yes by the sounds of what pp have said, it's been going on for a while it being on and off. I don't think OP is surprised I think it's just him saying it whilst she's poorly that hurts.

Ginkypig · 19/10/2020 12:32

@user1471538283

I would not respond. I would get a solicitor and then respond that he can put the house up for sale (doing all the work) and you will not be showing buyers around, tidying up etc. All communication goes through your solicitor now. Unless you want to stay there and can buy him out. Go cold on him.
This!

Do not discuss this until you have engaged legal advice and know what you’re legal rights are.

If you have to say something just say I’m too ill to think about this right now we’ll talk once I’m better.

NC4Now · 19/10/2020 12:32

Most solicitors are doing phone/zoom consultations at the moment, so you don’t need to wait till you’re out of isolation. It just depends if you are up to the conversation.
What kind of man does that by text? I can only think he wants to cash in on the current housing market.

theemmadilemma · 19/10/2020 12:32

Can you take a mortgage for the whole amount? I hope you can.

Do it and say goodbye. It's clearly over from his side, and for me that means I'd walk away.

Winter2020 · 19/10/2020 12:34

Shylo
“borrow an extra 12,500 to pay him his deposit and then get his name off the deeds .... job done “

OP said 125k (and was the deposit) so depending on circumstances might not be possible.