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Original poster

Shit timing or deliberately malicious.

114 replies

Boredbumhead · 19/10/2020 11:08

I currently have a positive covid test so I'm isolating with the children. My symptoms are mild and moderate. However 'd' p has been unsympathetic all this time (he is currently not isolating with us as he was away with his work when symptoms developed).

He has chosen today to send me the following message: "Can we sell the house? I really don't want to be in this relationship."

I really don't want to sell the kids home. I am trying to relax and recover from covid.
ABIU to think this timing is deliberately malicious?

How should I respond?

OP posts:
Frownette · 19/10/2020 11:27

Was this out of the blue for you?

Sexnotgender · 19/10/2020 11:28

Sounds like you’re in a good position financially.

Can you remortgage to give him his buy in back?

Sounds like he’s got his eye on something/someone else.

ktp100 · 19/10/2020 11:29

You need to call him out on his cowardice, OP.

Who the fuck does he think he is to just drop a bomb like that?!!! Via TEXT!!!!

Twat.

Can you afford to buy him out? I really hope so, for your sake.

I'm so sorry OP. He's a total shit.x.

BrowncoatWaffles · 19/10/2020 11:30

*Text back “no. Will speak to solicitor once I’m out of self isolation. Meanwhile your bags are on the drive.” And follow through."

If it were me I think I'd do this, and book an appointment for as soon as I am out of self isolation.

So sorry this is happening - hope you and your DC are doing ok.

flyingant · 19/10/2020 11:32

Was him wanting to end the relationship sprung on you or just wanting to sell the house?

Original poster
Boredbumhead · 19/10/2020 11:39

He has blown hot and cold in the past. However last weekend when we were altogether on a day out all was great. Very very odd. It feels like he's trying to kick me when I'm down.

OP posts:
Guitarstrings · 19/10/2020 11:42

Can you buy him out?

Beautiful3 · 19/10/2020 11:44

You dont have to sell the house because you have children together living there. I would reply, I'm not selling the home as the children need somewhere to live! When the youngest reaches 18, I will take out a remortgage to pay back the £125,000. He cannot make you sell a house when you have children living in it, and you re able to pay the mortgage alone.

sadie9 · 19/10/2020 11:45

It's a very strange text to get from a long term partner.
You sound pretty relaxed about it, and not that surprised by it. So either you were already exchanging highly charged remarks or had already decided to split.
If it were me I would be ringing an ambulance for my partner because it would be such a weird text.
I would ring him straightaway or answer 'I will discuss in person with you'.
If his remark is just part of a chain of snidey remarks you are making at each other, then it's just drama isn't it?

LimaFoxtrotCharlie · 19/10/2020 11:46

@Beautiful3

You dont have to sell the house because you have children together living there. I would reply, I'm not selling the home as the children need somewhere to live! When the youngest reaches 18, I will take out a remortgage to pay back the £125,000. He cannot make you sell a house when you have children living in it, and you re able to pay the mortgage alone.
Not true
Newwayofthinking · 19/10/2020 11:48

That's is so cold on his part

Lifeisabeach09 · 19/10/2020 11:50

@BrowncoatWaffles

*Text back “no. Will speak to solicitor once I’m out of self isolation. Meanwhile your bags are on the drive.” And follow through."

If it were me I think I'd do this, and book an appointment for as soon as I am out of self isolation.

So sorry this is happening - hope you and your DC are doing ok.

What Brown said.

What a prick!

slipperywhensparticus · 19/10/2020 11:51

Is his portion protected? Do you have the ability to buy him out?

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/10/2020 11:51

Bastard. Flowers. Hope you will be able to buy him out.

thequeenoftarts · 19/10/2020 11:53

Reply "no we cant"...Your stuff will be available for collection on the front doorstep( as I am isolating due to having covid) on xxx date at xxx time since you no longer want to live with us or be in a relationship with us. Any other discussions can take place when I am Covid free and no longer caring for our children alone, whilst I am ill. Please have your solicitor contact me or my solicitor directly. End of discussion

ScarMatty · 19/10/2020 11:58

I'm so confused. There must be more to this...

differentnameforthis · 19/10/2020 12:00

Hmmm, he's checked out.

He tells you when you are isolating, so cannot do anything about it.

Has been away with "work" ... or has he? Men don't usually check out so easily.

Could there be someone else?

Frownette · 19/10/2020 12:00

Unless there's a huge back story he's either gone mad or is a stone cold bastard.

How do you feel about this?

Dominicgoings · 19/10/2020 12:00

@thequeenoftarts

Reply "no we cant"...Your stuff will be available for collection on the front doorstep( as I am isolating due to having covid) on xxx date at xxx time since you no longer want to live with us or be in a relationship with us. Any other discussions can take place when I am Covid free and no longer caring for our children alone, whilst I am ill. Please have your solicitor contact me or my solicitor directly. End of discussion
Pretty much this.
Smallsteps88 · 19/10/2020 12:01

He has someone else. He wants his money. He doesn’t care the impact of that on his DC. Someone else is first on his agenda.

tribpot · 19/10/2020 12:01

So even with tenants in common all owners have to agree before a sale can happen.

You seem to think it's okay for him to decide day-by-day whether or not he still wants to be in the relationship. What do you want? (For the relationship, rather than with regards to the house).

I would respond basically as others have suggested saying 'once I have recovered from Covid I will explore options with a solicitor and the bank and let you know'. One option might be for him to forfeit some of his share in the property in return for no child maintenance payments or something similar. But I assume he is counting on his casual earnings to protect him from having pay very much anyway.

Realistically can you afford the mortgage on your own? There is no point continuing to live in a situation where he might decide at any time that he wants his investment back.

madcatladyforever · 19/10/2020 12:05

Sounds like my ex husband who dumped me and ran away when I was seriously ill. Made me realise what a price he had always been and I was glad to see him go. You are probably coming to the same conclusion.

ivykaty44 · 19/10/2020 12:08

They are our children.
Were both on the mortgage as tenants in common. He put down 125,000 and I took out the mortgage for the rest. He does casual work. I have a decent job earning 58k.

how old is the youngest child?

user1471538283 · 19/10/2020 12:08

I would not respond. I would get a solicitor and then respond that he can put the house up for sale (doing all the work) and you will not be showing buyers around, tidying up etc. All communication goes through your solicitor now. Unless you want to stay there and can buy him out. Go cold on him.

ivykaty44 · 19/10/2020 12:09

Someone else is first on his agenda.

Only himself is first on his agenda - no one else comes close