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I look exactly like his ex

43 replies

FeckArseDrinkGirls · 19/10/2020 09:46

I’ve been seeing a lovely man for a few months. All going really well, absolutely no red flags at all. If anything I think he’s hugely out of my league and I’m not sure why he’s interested in me but that probably just my lack of self esteem rather than anything else.

He split from his ex about 3 years ago. It was a bit of a messy split from what I can gather - she left him for someone else and he had a complete breakdown as a result, was signed off work with stress for months, had to have counselling for over a year. Although he seems to be over it as much as you can be it obviously hurt him massively.

Anyway, out of sheer nosiness I looked up his wife on social media. She looks identical to me. Not just similar, genuinely identical. I could understand if it was something like we were both blonde/ similar body type/ whatever as that may just be his ‘type’. But there was one photo where she was wearing sunglasses, I showed it to my best friend and she genuinely thought it was me.

Is that massively weird? We met online, I only had a couple of photos of me on my profile. The first time that we met he said that he thought I looked different to my photos. I asked if that was a bad thing and he said that I looked much better in real life than I did in my photos. He couldn’t stop staring at me and smiling on our first few dates. I thought that was because he fancied me but now I’m thinking that it’s because he realised he’s just found a clone of his wife.

Should I say something? I’m supposed to be going for a birthday dinner with his parents in a few weeks, there’s absolutely no way they won’t immediately think that he’s with me because I look like his ex wife.

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 19/10/2020 12:37

Love bombing can also be being extra complementary and also, needing to talk to you constantly (texting, calling or whatever, every day and all day). Basically if it feels 'whirlwindy' then be careful.

But if there no glaring red flags then it's probably fine. That being said, if you're only a few months in then I probably would mention that I'd seen how similar his ex was to me and that I found it a bit weird. Just to see his reaction.

KarmaNoMore · 19/10/2020 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasedByFox · 19/10/2020 12:55

This kind of happened to me- but I was the first one!
There were two of us on my course at university that were very very similar, people used to mix us up all the time. I went out with the chap for a few months, I did really like him, but I was not in a good place at that time in my life and ended it to spend some time sorting myself out.

He began seeing my doppelganger about six months later...and they're still together 20 years later, as far as I'm aware!
It was obviously his type Smile

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 19/10/2020 13:01

Oh dear. I'd ask him what his ex looks like.

slipperywhensparticus · 19/10/2020 13:08

My ex has, wife number one grew her hair he loved it and hated it when she cut it wife number two has long hair future wife number three has long hair he also picked out future wife three glasses they matched ex wife two and clothing like ex wife 1, 1&3 have identical body types (slim model type but short) wife two is a bit more robust he is currently in between future wife three and his next choice no shocks she has long dark hair too and same body type

Its like a fucking family reunion

HoochieCoochieMan · 19/10/2020 13:14

I don't see the problem. As a man I have a "type" that I'm most attracted to. It's not that my DP looks like me ex. My ex was just my "type" too, as was the gf before that. The "type" is the instant attraction, but it's the personality you fall in love with. Physical appearance is never enough for a LTR.

Angrymum22 · 19/10/2020 13:29

I found out recently that I look like an old ex of DHs ( his first love in fact) I suppose she set the mould. He definitely has a type but he also likes intelligent independent women so not just a physical type.
The thing is he is definitely my type physically and personality wise. So it works both ways.
His ex before me (28 yrs ago ) is not quite his type but has spent 20 odd yrs changing her hair colour and style to match mine. I don’t think she quite realises that he doesn’t like fake.

Spottybluepyjamas · 19/10/2020 13:35

I think a lot of people have types though, and it's fairly common for partners to look alike if someone like a specific style/look. I know that my exes always seem to follow a particular type. I wouldn't worry about it, as long as you're not getting called by her name then I think it's fine!

Raidblunner · 19/10/2020 13:36

Men are simple creatures and we know what we like. All of my girlfriends since splitting with my ex wife have all had curly hair. Its what I like. Perhaps your guys the same.

Angrymum22 · 19/10/2020 13:36

Just to add I have no problem with more recent ex but just find it funny that she seems to change her hair length soon after I do.
I’ve never met his first love so have no idea what sort of personality she has.
As someone who has always been attracted to a physical type it doesn’t surprise me that we are similar looking. I don’t think it has any bearing on our relationship since initially physical attraction only gets you talking.
Unless your DP is trying to mould your personality or behaviour I don’t think you should be worried.

TurquoiseDragon · 19/10/2020 13:39

I look very much like my ex's first wife. In fact, I'm now good friends with her and never speak to ex. Grin

I think he has a physical type he goes for, but I have a very different personality.

It's taken a few years, but I now realise I also have a physical type that I like. Which happens to be very different from ex.

As far as I'm concerned, the type is just what gets me noticing people, after that it's about the person, what they're like, are they nice? A skinflint (ex basically bled me dry), any signs of abuse, etc?

PurplePansy05 · 19/10/2020 13:47

It is a bit awkward for you, I get that. But if he's good to you and you're happy, does it really matter? He seems attracted to women looking like/similar to you and his ex wife, that's not a crime. I had a situation where one of my ex bf's partner (the one after me) purposefully tried looking like me, we're talking dying hair, losing weight, changing her clothes and make up. Now, that was batshit! But in your case it's pure coincidence and he clearly fancies this look.

dottiedodah · 19/10/2020 13:48

I think this is unsettling yes ,but it is difficult to see how you can be so alike unless youre related(LOL!) If you are happy within your RL then just enjoy yourself! Often men (and women obv) will have a certain type they go for . Dont dye your hair! Just be yourself ,remember that you are you a very unique person !

Nickname01 · 19/10/2020 13:54

I think he just has a type.
I have a type, when I look back at photos, it can be hard to tell which boyf it was Blush
I’m only attracted to men who have a certain look.
He is probably the same.

ImABitScaredTBH · 19/10/2020 13:57

Maybe he cant even see that you look like his ex?

My friend has a certain type and her partners have all looked similar. The man she is with now is the double of her ex and she just cant see it herself

myhobbyisouting · 19/10/2020 14:11

My friend is convinced that she looks exactly like her new fellas ex (she doesn't, they have similar hair).

She flipped her phone round to show me a photo (with sunglasses on too) and a knowing look. She was incredulous when I said "who's that?" and says it's just me that can't see it because other friends she's shown agree.

No, the other friend she's shown just didn't want to disagree with her.

I bet you look quite different really

londonscalling · 19/10/2020 14:35

I'm not really sure what the issue is.

He finds a particular look attractive and that's it!

zafferana · 19/10/2020 14:39

I've known a couple of men who do this - have a very definite type. One I was at uni with - his type were slim, strawberry-blondes. He married the third one, all very, very similar to look at. The other is a friend of DH's. He goes for a certain look type of blonde look. When drunk I once called his DW by his ex's name, so similar are they and so drunk was I! Real cringe moment when I realised 😖

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