Ignored after confronting upsetting behaviour

[Realitea]

SIL launched into a big tirade at dh the other night which really upset us both. It’s not the first time either. The problem she has this time is that by ‘sticking to the rules’ (regarding Covid) we’re damaging our dd’s education. (Dd recently had Covid symptoms so couldn’t go to school until test came back clear)
There is a lot of background to this and we’ve had accusations before for many things that don’t make sense/aren’t true.
I decided to finally stand up to her and sent a message which was polite but firm, it said I do not tolerate this kind of behaviour and we are good parents doing the best for our dc.
It went completely ignored. We next got a message changing the subject, no reference to what I said. Now I feel even more hurt that what I said has just been ignored, I was expecting an apology really. Now I feel that to them, I’m not even worth acknowledging. At least I had my say. How would others take this?

Sorry it's me again..
Dh has now said he will be showing up tomorrow at a certain time to take the dc. What on Earth do i do?

Take them out. Contact a solicitor for advice re separating/divorce. Show him if he wants to play the “I’m leaving” card it’s going to get real and he and his family won’t be dictating what happens. Start looking at properties nearer to your friends and family. Don’t bend to his behaviour at all. He’s behaving disgustingly.

Go out - don't be there !

Cross post with honeyroar

I suppose I could leave for work earlier but I'd have to take the dc with me. If we go out for an hour for the time he's coming I won't be able to get to work in time. Also to make it worse, dd saw his message and really wants to go. This is such a mess! He won't tell me if/when he'll bring them back and he's not behaving in a very sane way at all.
I am going to need to get advice very quickly on this but I know trying to find legal aid can take a long time.

How old are the children?

I don't want to say too much but.. primary school age.

Can you call 101 and ask for help?

I am so sorry Rea, this is so dreadful.

Please don't be afraid to ask for help.
You are afraid for your children.
Please reach out for support.

He’s been reported for coercive control. The police have been brilliant

Well done for reporting him. You have really handled all this very well, so good on you. Glad to read that the police have been helpful in this matter. Chin up girl, you've got this.

So what happens now? Do you think he'll just turn up?

I've been following but not commenting. Well done OP.

Your husband is a spineless cunt and you need to get rid asap

Well done @Realitea

You should be so proud of yourself.

Nasty man and his nasty family.

Thanks everyone! I’m proud of myself!

I have just read all this with my jaw on the floor. I can't believe your husband flipped into such a nasty man so quickly.

Definitely a LTB from me

Keep risen above them and their histrionic nonsense. Make sure that you surround yourself with radiant, positive, sane, balanced emotionally healthy people - this will keep you strong.

Don’t doubt yourself. The further you step back and step up you will see their emotional enmeshed chaos - don’t waste your headspace trying to understand them or considering their motives - they most likely aren’t even aware of their own dynamics.

Keep focusing on your own clarity and belief that you know what is wrong and what is right. This will be a big shock to you so rest up and take care of yourself. Distance. Dignity. Disengage. Keeps you sane.

You should be OP!

You have refused to be abused and manipulated by this awful man.

You have protected your child.

Your daughter is so lucky to have a mother like you.

Phew. It's been eventful here. He showed up today after I reported him for coercive control as him and his family have acted like this before. He wanted to take the dc's. As we're married, he had a right to and they wanted to go. So I packed the bags and just as they were leaving, I got upset. I said I'm upset because you left us and now you're taking our children too. He said 'I didn't leave'. I let him know that he was gaslighting me at that point! If he didn't leave, where's he been hiding? In the cupboard?!
He said 'If I was leaving you for good I would not be leaving MY children with you'
I pulled the dc back and dd ran to get the keys and I locked the door and phoned the police. They came within 10 minutes.
That 10 minutes was hell. Children crying, shaken, confused. I felt guilty myself for all this upset.
Dh apologised to the police and admitted it was a knee jerk reaction and he took it back. He said he lived here so of course he will be returning and going back to doing the school runs (that's pretty much all he does)
The police couldn't stop the dc going and they wanted to go so we all took them to the car. I made sure they have a phone so they can contact me any time.
There was one police officer who couldn't understand why I'd called the police and just stood around looking like we were wasting his time but the others were better.
The agreement is, the dc's come back when they want to come back.
I would not be surprised if they were 'persuaded' by the family to stay as long as possible now but I there's nothing I can do about it. I'll make sure to phone the dc's every day to check they're alright.
They were so shaken up and upset I felt awful for them.
I think there must be some sort of breakdown happening here. To go from a happy family one minute to this overnight it does seem strange. His family have a huge control over him and I hope one day he sees that he is being abused himself and by running back to the abusers and copying their behaviour, he will always be a sad lonely man.

That sounds awful but we'll done fir standing up to him. I hope the children are OK and he brings them back without any trouble.

Thank you, me too! Hopefully now he knows the police are aware he will act more 'normal'!

You were correct in involving the police.

Your gut is correct.

Their involvement will give him pause.

Keep a note of everything.

You are being so strong.

I’ve read this in sheer horror at what he has done. In the space of two days he’s turned on you because of his mothers fabricated drama.
You’re doing the right things by involving the police and protecting your DC, too many posters on here dither and dither, not you!!

Be careful with agreeing that the children come home when they want to. It leaves them vulnerable to bring pressured to say they want to stay. It’s also inappropriate for children of primary school age to make these decisions about where they want to be and when. Whilst the children’s wishes might be considered. it’s for the adults to take these sort of decisions.

@SBTLove that made me laugh! I don't hang about. Maybe it's my age but I haven't got time for messing about!

@MsControversial I thought the same, it's not nice for them to have to decide or choose. They might not want to hurt either parent's feelings. The police recommended this as the best course of action to take and while I felt uneasy about it because his family could pressure them to say they want to stay, I agreed as it was clear we needed to do something and dh had said to the police that he will return them and come home (not sure how I feel about that!)
I feel so lost tonight on my own, it's so quiet and I'm still in shock.