Should you ever re-connect (platonicly) with an ex/first love??

[Peacefulnight]

It's an incredibly long story, but I unexpectedly bumped into an ex (first love) recently.
I haven't seen him for around 20 or so years, although he doesn't live that far away and I have heard about him through aquintances etc.
We were each-others first loves, first everything I guess.
Together more than 9 years from mid /late teen years upwards.
We were living together when we split up when he met a woman at work and cheated.
After we split, he later married her.
We didn't have an opportunity to exchange more than brief pleasantries when we met, but I have not been able to get him and what could have been out of my mind.

Is it ever a good idea to re-connect with an ex, just as friends?
I was thinking just a drink to say thank you to him for his support with a difficult issue or something like that, nothing more.
I am definitely not thinking of going back, it's just got me a little nostalgic and thinking about the past/how we are so much older now and how different things could have been.
I prob sound crazy, but I hope that you see what I mean!!

Nope no nope he cheated it will do nothing but hurt

No. Not unless you’re both single and even then I’d say no.

Ex's are ex's for a reason.

Deep down I know that I agree, but I can't help but think of that shy, flirty, endearing look that I immediately recognised and rewind 20 years or more!

I can't help but think that I'm trying to cling onto some ridiculous, idealistic dream though!

You are so obviously thinking of going back, admit it!! Is he still married? If so, then walk away.

@CiderJolly

You are so obviously thinking of going back, admit it!! Is he still married? If so, then walk away.

Honestly I think I want the unrealistic what could have been:....

2020 has been an incredibly difficult year, for most if not all of us, but hell it's sure as hell been a hard one for me!
He was a big part of my life all those years ago when things were at the time at least a little more stable and better.
I don't know is the Truth, I know it's unlikely to be a good idea, I think I wanted somone to give me a shake and let me know that!!

Please don't unless he is single

My DHs first few gfs appear to have been in touch through lockdown boredom

It's just not ok - they know he is married it's plastered all over his SM

My exh is closer to me than my blood brothers.

@puguin86

Please don't unless he is single

My DHs first few gfs appear to have been in touch through lockdown boredom

It's just not ok - they know he is married it's plastered all over his SM

Trust me, it is definitely not lockdown boredom. We were together a hell of a long time, we were everything to one another once upon a time. We discussed marriage and children etc, it just never happened for us. He is married to the person he cheated on me with (I found out at the time and we split up)

I didn't bump into him intentionally, it was totally unexpected, but he seemed happy, he tried to engage a little and give that endearing look

No, definitely not. If you're feeling nostalgic, contact an old school friend or alumni group. There's nothing to gain from seeing this man. And it's not platonic if he gave you 'the look'.

@Catawaul

No, definitely not. If you're feeling nostalgic, contact an old school friend or alumni group. There's nothing to gain from seeing this man. And it's not platonic if he gave you 'the look'.

It is a hell of a long time since I left school, I am no longer in the same area, I don't have happy memories of my school years and I am not in touch with any of my old school pals. I wish it were that easy and straightforward tbh!

He's an ex for a reason. This is the relationship equivalent of eating out of the bin.

It's not worth the risk.
It could at the very least stir up a lot of emotions that you find very hard to shake..and as you said you already haven't been able to get him off your mind. That will pass if you draw a line under it now rather than opening a can of worms that might lead you to being hurt all over again!

Terrible idea. Not only is he a cheat but he's still married to the woman he left you for. No matter how much you romanticise that, that can never ever be a healthy friendship.

Non je' regret etc

No they always try to shag you the second time round and it's really icky. Gives you closure I suppose but ruins the memory

Just read this through. You low key want to fuck him to fuck over the girl that fucked you over. Either fuck him and get back together or fuck him over by telling his wife he had an affair........ I see you! You may not believe your own intentions but believe me I've been there.

I think you're reading much more into a brief exchange. Imagining what you wish it would be. He doesn't feel the same way about you.

It's been 20 years. You don't know each other anymore.

He cheated on you. He married her. She was clearly the one for him.

Thanking him for something 20 years ago that he probably doesn't even remember, he'd think you were a bit odd.

Leave the past in the past.

No. He cheated on you.

There are no ‘what ifs’ He trampled all over your plans a long time ago.

I always said that given the opportunity I would sleep with ex-DH just to make the woman he left me for feel the pain I felt . I know I wouldn’t really. Even though it’s been 30 years I would like him to apologise for everything he put me through at the time .

No.

I'm platonic friends with a number of 'significant' exes. Utterly utterly platonic though. Sure the odd 'what if', but never in a way that is serious. We're all married with kids now, I know their wives, they know I'm not after their husbands, we have met in person à few rimes but mostly chatting online/connecting via fb etc.