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Original poster

Instagram red flags with new guy - pervy accounts & conspiracy theories

78 replies

Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 11:58

I've been seeing a new man, met via OLD. He seems very nice, we live about 30 miles apart and have seen each other maybe once or twice a week for the last 5 weeks. We're both looking for a serious relationship.

Anyway he messaged me on Instagram with a link to an account that I might like to follow (a mutual interest) out of curiosity to find out what else he was interested in, I went through who he follows.

I was dismayed to find one of them was a prominent conspiracy theorist who believes the royal family are shape shifting aliens.

There were also several accounts which were a bit shady in terms of women in really tight fitting clothes doing yoga poses which were all about showing off their crotch. When I clicked through on the bio, they led to "only fans" accounts. Another one was a sexy lingerie account. No total nudity but still a sexual account.

I am very sensitive about this because I dated a porn addict for a few months and it was a nightmare. I don't think this guy is a porn addict because he doesn't have erectile dysfunction and he clearly finds me very sexy and enjoys sex with me.

I want a man who doesn't follow such accounts. It was only about 5 of them that he follows but the conspiracy theory thing combined with these accounts has put me off him. To give more context, I am a second wave feminist who dislikes porn and any kind of sex work.

I also find it a bit immature & careless that he would publicly follow such accounts using his business account (he has a creative arts business.)

I'm not sure whether to let him know (when it comes up later) that porn is a dealbreaker for me.

Or just bail now.

What would you do?

If I hadn't been through his Instagram to see who he follows I wouldn't have known any of this about him.

He did say something last week about how he wondered if the covid numbers are made up and not as high as people think, which struck me.

OP posts:
PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 13/10/2020 12:08

Tbh if that were me I would think we were fundamentally incompatible so would bin him off. I had kind of the same thing and it put me right off him.

Beamur · 13/10/2020 12:10

It's going to give you the ick...

Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/10/2020 12:12

Get rid now. You already feel uncomfortable about him.

Bananalanacake · 13/10/2020 12:14

Ask him if he also believes the royal family are shape shifting aliens. His answer will tell you everything 🤣

Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 12:16

@Bananalanacake

Ask him if he also believes the royal family are shape shifting aliens. His answer will tell you everything 🤣
We did talk about this conspiracy theorist last time we met up because it came up. I said to him, that guy is a nutcase and believes the royal family are shape shifting aliens. He said something about how he sees the royal 'evil aliens' thing as a metaphor for something shady going on behind the scenes involving Prince Andrew and pedophiles.
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Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 12:18

@Bananalanacake

Ask him if he also believes the royal family are shape shifting aliens. His answer will tell you everything 🤣
To be honest, I'm more concerned about the sexy Instagram accounts because I don't want my future SO to spend time looking at other women's crotches, whether clothed or not. These accounts were like 1% of his entire Instagram following. But still...has put me right off.
OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/10/2020 12:20

Love your own self for a change.

Bin him off and work on strengthening and or otherwise raising your boundaries in relationships. Your ex was a porn addict and this man is no improvement either.

Greenkit · 13/10/2020 12:25

Why don't you ask him what his views on porn, paying for sex, stripe clubs etc are.

That will tell you all you know

Redannie118 · 13/10/2020 12:30

You are clearly not compatible so it wont work. However i do think you sound like the thought police and very hard work. This stuff is all utterly harmless and if my new partner went through my insta account and decided they " didnt like how i thought" I would run a bloody mile.

catlovingdoctor · 13/10/2020 12:37

Following a couple of accounts of women in lingerie is very different to being a porn addict. Liking to see an attractive woman for a couple of moments on the phone is not the same as an addiction to hardcore stuff. For a considerable proportion of guys these days it's probably quite ordinary? You said yourself he doesn't have ED so he obviously isn't reliant on porn to fulfill his needs.

Ladylovesbooks · 13/10/2020 12:40

Yuck this is gross , does he give them little rewards ie likes if there bodies meet his approval . Shows you exactly what he values In women

PurpleWave · 13/10/2020 12:41

I don't know about the porn thing but just because he follows someone who believes in conspiracies doesn't necessarily mean he believes it.

I'm subscribed to r/conspiracy on Reddit, not because I believe it but because it's entertaining to read what other people will believe in.

Why not just ask him what he thinks?

Helloguvnor · 13/10/2020 12:48

Good luck finding anyone to be in a long term relationship with if your willing to end an otherwise happy relationship over a couple of Instagram accounts!

Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 12:54

@Helloguvnor

Good luck finding anyone to be in a long term relationship with if your willing to end an otherwise happy relationship over a couple of Instagram accounts!
I totally agree with you. It would be hard to find a guy who doesn't look at this stuff. But at the same time I also find it pretty gross. To be fair, these weren't just ladies in bikini's, he seems to have a penchant for women in yoga poses where their crotch seems to be the focus and where their face isn't even in the shot. When I click on these they lead to 'only fans' accounts which is a porn thing. It's paying women for sexual photos. I don't know if he's doing that.
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Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 12:55

@PurpleWave

I don't know about the porn thing but just because he follows someone who believes in conspiracies doesn't necessarily mean he believes it.

I'm subscribed to r/conspiracy on Reddit, not because I believe it but because it's entertaining to read what other people will believe in.

Why not just ask him what he thinks?

He said he's open minded about it all, but I don't necessarily think he's fallen down the rabbit hole, so to speak.
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Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 12:55

@Ladylovesbooks

Yuck this is gross , does he give them little rewards ie likes if there bodies meet his approval . Shows you exactly what he values In women
Yep I agree. Also wondering if he compares my body to other peoples'.
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SoulofanAggron · 13/10/2020 12:56

Eww, not your cup of tea, bin.

Bin him off and work on strengthening and or otherwise raising your boundaries in relationships.

@AttilaTheMeerkat I don't think OP is necessarily doing particularly badly now. She only just found this out about the bloke and is already considering how to act. The only way she could improve in this scenario is improving how fast she Insta-bins.

Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 13:02

@Ladylovesbooks

Yuck this is gross , does he give them little rewards ie likes if there bodies meet his approval . Shows you exactly what he values In women
And weirdly, on our first date he was telling me that he uses Instagram for his business but doesn't like how so many people are posting selfies and revealing pics for attention. Kind of ironic.
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WellThisWentWell · 13/10/2020 13:23

Yeah, gross!

Both of these are dealbreakers for me.

🚫

chickenninja · 13/10/2020 13:33

Hang on, if this is his business account some of his colleagues might have access and they might have clicked follow.

Also, I think I must be following some random accounts but if you don't interact (like and comment) they fall off your algorithm and you forget you've even followed them, could have been there years.
Is he actually liking these crotch photos or have you just found this rabbit hole by looking down a long list of accounts?

Maybe he is a bit creepy, I don't really know why I'm defending him 🤷‍♀️ . You should get to know him better then you'll find out for yourself.

Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 13:48

@chickenninja

Hang on, if this is his business account some of his colleagues might have access and they might have clicked follow.

Also, I think I must be following some random accounts but if you don't interact (like and comment) they fall off your algorithm and you forget you've even followed them, could have been there years.
Is he actually liking these crotch photos or have you just found this rabbit hole by looking down a long list of accounts?

Maybe he is a bit creepy, I don't really know why I'm defending him 🤷‍♀️ . You should get to know him better then you'll find out for yourself.

He's a sole trader so the only one who has access to this account as far as I know.

I saw he's been on Instagram about 4 years so it's possible he liked these accounts a while ago and forgot about it.

I'm not sure.

I found this by looking through this list of accounts.

I don't know how to find out if someone is actively liking photos.

He doesn't come across as creepy at all in person. He comes across as respectful.

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 13/10/2020 13:48

Hang on, if this is his business account some of his colleagues might have access and they might have clicked follow.

@chickenninja I imagine OP means he's mostly self employed as an individual. She says it's his business. If he isn't the only one with access to an account, imagine employees of a firm following slightly porny accounts on the work public account. Grin Shock No-one would do that and if so the boss/other employees I imagine would spot it fairly quickly, remove and tell them off.

If he added some of these in the past, it's still a red flag that he's a potential sleazeball.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/10/2020 13:50

Crazy idea but you're comfortable enough with this guy to have sex with him, so talk to him. If you can't talk to him, the relationship is doomed anyway

SoulofanAggron · 13/10/2020 13:50

He doesn't come across as creepy at all in person. He comes across as respectful.

@Chocaholic9 Some of them can. And following such accounts on a business account is still a bit thick.

Original poster
Chocaholic9 · 13/10/2020 13:53

During sex this guy was very enthusiastic and turned on.

In the past, I dated a porn addict for a few painful months before I realised what was going on and my experience of him was he had a massive madonna/whore complex and didn't want to have sex with me. When he tried to, he couldn't get it up and then got angry with me.

This guy is the polar opposite and for that reason I suspect he's not a porn addict or negatively affected by porn in terms of his sex life. But it's still a big turn off for me.

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