Hand hold desperately needed

[Helpmegetthroughthis]

DP ended things on text a week ago and I’m in the depths of hell.

Mistakes and differences on both sides but I put the nail in the coffin and he wants nothing to do with me. Recurring arguments but he said some terrible things this time and wants me to move on and forget he existed.

I am beside myself and have lost my future as we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Sounds a bit OTT but I’m unable to think of anything else.

Hi OP, I can relate to how you feel but looking back it was the best thing that happened. You will not feel like this forever, I promise you that

You need to think, was you truly happy with this man? Is it really a loss? Did he respect and love you like you deserve? Isnhe the man you’ve always wanted? What are the bad things about him?

Hi op I know what your going though and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Unfortunately no one can make you feel any better but yourself and time. I went through this a few years back and I never in a million years thought I would get over it . How long were you too together ? Mind you things said in the what if an argument and feelings may change after a few more days . Have you contacted him at all xx

How long were you together? Did you live together?

We were about to and together for years.

We had a great relationship but a few things couldn’t be fixed so he ended it.

We have been speaking but as of this all contact has stopped.

I did the stupid long message sending but have nothing more I can say as I’m emotionally spent.

Yes, he was the one.

As of this morning I meant

I’m veering between sheer panic and complete numbness

Do you have anyone IRL that you can lean on? There is no magic wand to make you feel better right now. Unfortunately it’s a process of grief. It would help if you had a shoulder to cry on. Have you had any counselling. I left my DH after 26 years after finding out he cheated. I was utterly broken. I went for counselling which ended up lasting 3 years! I couldn’t have got through that period of my life without it. I know it sounds cliche but it will pass and you will feel better. Hang in there.

I’m with you
He cheated and then basically manipulated me to see me through an operation
Just found out he’s been I contact with her the whole time she as of today now he has his stuff is ignoring me
Pain is unbearable
I have counselling Booked and a stack of friends on hand
Just talk it through and try not to glamorise them
I have to visualise him with her right now which absolutely sucks, and the prick works where my hobby is
You couldn’t make it up
X

I don’t want to do anything and the thought of not telling him I’m upset and sad is the worst feeling. I feel like my world has fallen apart.

He has completely changed the way he sees me and has so many things wrong and won’t listen to or believe anything I say.

I haven’t tried counselling but may have to look into it as I don’t want to have a future without him but have no choice now.

The worst part is I keep hoping he is as sad as I am and thinking of me but I know deep down he’s probably relieved it’s over

Without knowing what you argued about it’s hard to judge. How long were you together?

Counselling really helped me. Made me realise that it wasn’t quite right anyway. Lean on as many people as you can. Be kind to yourself.

He can’t let go of my past mistakes. I told him too much about my past so he thinks I’m someone I am not. He’s also going through a divorce - I’m not OW, met him many years after they split up.

That’s the simple version.

This morning is actually really hard and I am trying to stay no contact but it’s not easy .

Handholding here

Just take it minute by minute. No contact is definitely the way to go. It will help you immensely. Reach out to friends and family.
You will get through this

Honestly op everyone has a past and some arsehole that judges you on it (especially when you've let your guard down and been vulnerable enough with them to tell them that) is not 'the one'.

If he cant see the the good in you now and instead chooses to believe the bad that might have been, then he doesn't deserve you.

And honestly, it sounds like a total cop out anyway. Wpuldnt be surprised if he is just a standard emotionally manipulative dickhead.

No he’s not that’s the thing I was too honest yes and there was a cross over at the beginning, which was the result of a night out when he was spending time with his family for his daughters birthday but we weren’t official and he’s now using this to say he can’t forgive me. I regret telling him as it didn’t get to sex or anything like that but a line was crossed.

We had moved past from that and things have been good but now after a long time he thinks I lied and more happened which it didn’t. This is where he says I have done want I did my whole life and just jump into bed with anyone. I’ve never done that.

He thinks there is more to it as I asked the person who is a childhood friend for a professional opinion on a legal matter and he ended it.

So you slept (or, not even that infact!) with someone else before you were even official and that isnt ok? Why?

It's horseshit op. It was none if his buisness who you slept with. Even if you two were at the point that it looked like it might become a relationship in future. It still wasn't - so you were a free agent.

The only thing I kinda see his viewpoint with is you messaging this person for help with a legal matter. IF this was once the relationship was official. I could see why he would be uncomfortable with that. But if the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure a discussion of 'I'm not ok with this' would have earned him a second chance right? Provided everything else in the relationship was great and he agreed to cut all contact with this person.

I'm sorry op but...I suspect theres more to this. Maybe he has another women lined up. Or maybe he was just looking for an excuse to leave that let him make you into the bad guy.

Either way, it's good that you are out of this as I think it likely he would have been like a dog with a bone about that time where you almost nearly could have maybe possibly cheated...but not really because you were single xD

Bet my arse he would have cheated down the line and then been like 'oh but you cheated on me first'. Or some such shit.

You're well shot.

He wouldn’t cheat that I can be sure of but he has withheld things from me like spending time with his family for the sake of his kids and I should be ok with that.

The night out was during the time he was with them and he expects me to be understanding as nothing happened he his separated.

His view is we were in a very serious relationship after 12 or so weeks so that fact I was behaving like I always have meant I never cared about him and it’s all been a lie. It was a non event but he won’t believe me one bit. Even though I guessed his was with family staying over which is why I wasn’t sure if he was taking us seriously. When I told him this he said it was just an excuse to make myself feel better about my lies and to do that makes it even worse.

He is kind and gentle but has to have things on his terms.

He sounds like a total git @Helpmegetthroughthis and that you are far far better off being free of him. Having things on his terms....I mean he sounds awful

We were about to start a life together with my DCs and the rug has been pulled form under me. I feel terrified and I’m worried about everything now.
I put a lot into this and I’ve just been made redundant on top of everything so it’s all come at once.
I miss him and am just feeling hopeless and on the verge of a panic attack.
This sounds completely pathetic and I am trying not to feel sorry for myself.
He has his own business which is doing very week so he isn’t tied down like I am and seems to be having a great time of it. I’m not resentful I just don’t get how he can carry on like nothing has happened.

So basically, whars good for the goose isbt good for the gander.

You arent allowed to see other people because in his opinion you are close enough that it isnt ok...but he is allowed to sleep over with his friggin ex! Double standards much.

She isn't his family. His children are. Sounds like he just didnt like you pulling him up on his potentially dodgy shit so he reversed it onto you.

Nothing happened with her though that I believe so I can understand why he has trust issues but he’s been really unfair as I trusted completely.

He is also angry because he went away with his children over the holidays leaving me behind and I said I’d go and see a friend and his girlfriend. He found out that the friend I was going to see if dates causally years and years ago and he said I’d lied again and it’s another casual relationship that is just about sex and that’s sort of behaviour is disgusting. This person was living with a serious girlfriend they were talking about marriage and she knew that we’d dated but because it was years ago and there were no feelings involved it didn’t matter. He has withheld ex girlfriends as he didn’t think it was relevant so I’m just so confused by it all.

It’s the constant panic that I’m finding so hard with and the lack of sleep and checking my phone. I’m trying to keep busy but it’s just impossible

So basically he slut shamed you. For having a bit of fun, years and years ago.

I really don't see the appeal he had for you op.
He sounds like a prize wanker to me.

A draining, moaning, double standard wanker.

So sorry that you're going through this op. But it will get better in time. Maybe put the phone in a drawer upstairs or something and only check it once per day.

He's a dick.

Sounds like he's rewriting history to an extent and creating his own narrative to suit himself.