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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

REALLY embarresing sex question ... :(

36 replies

blushingtoday · 12/10/2007 11:02

Hiya

Ive name changed for this as its been on my mind for a while but could not bear to post it under my usual name!

When me and DP have sex I end up at some point getting 'fanjo wind'

Its really not funny and I ended up crying last night. We just ignore it but its so embarresing. We have been together for years so its not mortifying but I still hate its and it kills the mood.

I feel like its because ive had kids and Im baggy.

Can anything be done?

We do move around alot during sex, usually do about 4/5 positions during one session and I know all that moving about may add to it - but I dont want to lie there like a pensioner.

Any advice?

Please don't laugh or make jokes as this is really getting me down, we have only just started having sex regularly again and its really putting me off

OP posts:
sKerryMum · 12/10/2007 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Songbird · 12/10/2007 11:06

Oh bless you, no I?m not going to laugh. How old is your youngest, because this happened to me for a while after having dd. I laughed it off at the time as dh certainly didn?t mind, and found it rather amusing (not in a cruel way, at least I hope not!) but I was really quite embarrassed at the same time. I?ve stopped naturally, in fact until I read your post I?d forgotten about it. I wonder if pelvic floor exercises would help.

Original poster
blushingtoday · 12/10/2007 11:07

Yes, that has obviously been the cause on a few occasions,

but it also happens during other things too, like oral sex which just made me want to die

Ive never done pelvic floors - would they tighten me up in that respect too??

Im really sorry about telling you this, but its not something you can just mention to you friends is it?!

OP posts:
LordVenger · 12/10/2007 11:07

You want to be doing yer exercises love. Get one of those fanny exercise bike things and tootle away on it during EastEnders. It worked for me. In the meantime - and you should notice results within three weeks - play music. Maybe something with lots of wind instruments in. Maybe the theme-tune to Zulu. That should drown it out.

Original poster
blushingtoday · 12/10/2007 11:09

Hi song bird, my youngest is 1.5yrs

So its been a while since he was born, i am going to try the pelvic floors anyway as i need to (bladder!) and hopefully they will help this situation too,

OP posts:
doggiesayswoof · 12/10/2007 11:11

I know you don't want to just lie there, but I've definitely found that some positions encourage this problem much more than others.

If you know what positions are the worst culprits for you, avoid them for a bit... I don't know if pelvic floor exercises will help but they certainly won't do any harm so I would be doing these regularly if I were you.

Second what skerrymum says too.

JellyNump · 28/10/2007 21:06

Oh no, I had this problem for a while with ex H.....what happens when/if I get a new partner and it happens?!?! I don't really want to sit down first and explain the problem?! Can you tell me if the exercises work?

eggybreadandbeans · 28/10/2007 23:24

Sympathies, blushing. I get this occasionally, have done for years, and it is always after having sex from behind ("doggy style"). Never at any other time. So, for me, this position seems to trap air. I'm not bothered about it - we've found it kind of funny - but I appreciate that may well be because we know why it happens, and it's not all the time; I can understand you feeling distressed with it happening every time you have sex. So with all the position-changing, can you link it to a certain position? There are plenty, so you could lose a few of the problem ones?

I'd also second pelvic floor exercises. I did these a lot during and after pregnancy, and mostly haven't had any tone trouble downstairs.

Hope you're able to figure this out and overcome it.

BecauseImWereWolfit · 28/10/2007 23:35

Why on earth would you cry about something so silly?!

You're having an enjoyable sex life, which is the most important thing. If you have such an intimate relationship with your dh, why let this upset you so?

Sounds, though, like pelvic floor exercises might be a good thing (can never do too many of these, IMO)

bookofthedeadmum · 28/10/2007 23:43

This happens even to women who've not had children (happened to me the night I lost my virginity ). Funny noises in sex are all part and parcel of being intimate with someone. It'd be more embarrassing to fart imo.

twinsetandpearls · 28/10/2007 23:46

yes I used to do this before children as well as now, it sometimes sould like a duck quacking!

I have told dp it is because his penis is so huge so he sees it as a compliment, I suppose in a similar way that is some cultures it is the done things to burp after dinner.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 28/10/2007 23:49

I get this once a doggie session is over. It would seem this posistion traps air, and sometimes it is uncomfortable.
Very normal though.

bookofthedeadmum · 28/10/2007 23:54

"I suppose in a similar way that is some cultures it is the done things to burp after dinner."

T & P, I nearly spat tea all over the keyboard laughing when I read that . My dp hates it when it happens to us but as I said to him, what goes up [the air], must come down. He is squeamish though.

MotherFunk · 29/10/2007 00:06

Message withdrawn

gigglewitch · 29/10/2007 00:32

pelvic floor exercises work great, may not totally remove the, erm, upsetting sound but certainly improve it. Someone told me that your body takes 18mo to get back to "normal" (but what's that?) after DC, so your time may not be up, and that aside you can always work on any muscle to improve its tone. (no pun intended)
just remember, only on mumsnet would we confess, but i reckon a straw poll would say a rather large percentage of us have experienced it at some time. Aahhemm.

MotherFunk · 29/10/2007 00:35

Message withdrawn

mamazombie · 29/10/2007 00:46

now ladies, its time to realise that this is perfectly normal and in fact shows what a happy healthy sex life you have.

when the mans penis is entered along with it goes some air, during the whole thrusting part of love making the air is expelled and therefore creates a slight sound.
it is absolutly nothign to be embarassed about.

if your man does mention it in a sniggery kind of way retort with "yes darling its becasue your penis is so small it doesn't fill the gap" whilst smiling. then have a think whether he really is mature enough to be sleeping with.

MotherFunk · 29/10/2007 01:11

Message withdrawn

daydreambeliever · 29/10/2007 02:48

Yes, me too if we do it doggy style. Its not really the noise thats the problem there, there would be a few farty noises if we do that, but we'd have to shift position pretty quick because its so damn uncomfortable for me, filling up with air down there, very very uncomfortable. That position as a whole is off the cards for me, if we do do it I guess we tend to shift position every now and then for me to sort of deflate. What about avoiding doggy style, and going on top instead, stop him thinking your just lying back taking it easy.....

A few posts seem to be telling you off for being upset about it. If it is very loud and persistent then it could well spoil things and be upsetting for you. Just avoid that position for a while.

Doea anyone else have fanny farts build up when they do that yoga thing where you lie on the small of your bag with your legs in the air? Now thats embarrassing.

MotherFunk · 29/10/2007 14:54

Message withdrawn

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 29/10/2007 15:37

Some positions such as legs together make you tighter than others and could help to stop the sound as well as make things nicer for him. You could try missionary with your legs together flat on the bed (no use if he's v short though) or with your legs held together in the air, or standing up bent over the back of the sofa etc.

But have music on too, and try not to focus on it. It happens to most women at some point, your partners will have experienced this before. You either have to laugh, change position, or turn up the music. Or all three!

If it happens during oral sex, you could try having a toy in there too to avoid the noise being created.

Motherfunk- could you try wearing a stretchy camisole type top which you could pull down for boob access whilst still covering up your stomach?

twinsetandpearls · 29/10/2007 16:12

God yes daydreambeliever I have done many a fanny fart in a yoga session.

I have not been to yoga for a while but there were only two of us, the other woman was a size 8 unbelieveably bendy serene woman who had been doing yoga for years. Then there was me size 16 when breathing in anything but supple and exhaling air from every orfice possible with great noise and ghusto!

twinsetandpearls · 29/10/2007 16:20

Motherfunk I really do understand the body conscious thing but men are really not bothered .
Candlelight is a good option as there is enough light to see but not so much that you feel as if you are perfoming in braid daylight.

Have you thought about underwear that would cover that region,
I have this from anne summers don't worry only underwear so you can open the link without causing perversion all around you

I also have a nurses outfit that manages to hold me in and acts as a good distraction.

MotherFunk · 29/10/2007 16:32

Message withdrawn

twinsetandpearls · 30/10/2007 00:14

it is good as it is longer than a basque so has quite a streamlining effect.