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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just sex?

47 replies

deesdeli · 07/10/2020 12:54

I would like the opinion of both men and woman on this one....
My ex cheated on me with the same woman 3 times.

He claims that their relationship was not based on sex but more of an "emotional connection"

He also claims that he didnt really enjoy the sex with them and found them to be unattractive in that way.....it was guaranteed sex with this woman.

I think he is talking sh*t - would a man have sex with someone more than once if they found them to be unattractive and didnt enjoy it?

I am interested to hear what everyone else thinks...

OP posts:

LaBellina · 07/10/2020 12:56

No they wouldn't.

It's a bullshit excuse and I would consider it an insult to my intelligence.

Bin him permanently.

Peace43 · 07/10/2020 12:59

Nope, he wouldn’t

AgentJohnson · 07/10/2020 13:01

Ignore this idiot.

SecondStageIgnition · 07/10/2020 13:09

I'm a woman and I think it's more than possible that some men have sex with women they don't find attractive. When they are in the mood for sex these men will just get it where they can. It's also highly possible that a man can get on with a woman (or, have an 'emotional connection') yet not find her sexually attractive. It sounds like your situation is a combination of these two factors.

Maltadreams · 07/10/2020 13:10

Excuse to try make you think you are better than her in bed. Thinking that will bring you back around that she had nothing on you. Be careful.

Sakurami · 07/10/2020 13:12

So why did he have sex with her? It doesn't make sense to cheat on someone when they don't enjoy it

baileys6904 · 07/10/2020 13:12

Course they would. Think of all the 19 year old toy boy lovers from Turkey and African countries that get married to people 3 times their age. I appreciate some things ripen with age but....
There can be many examples of men and women lying back and thinking of England on a number of occasions

Original poster

deesdeli · 07/10/2020 13:27

It would be interesting to hear the opinion of some men also...

OP posts:

Givemeabreak88 · 07/10/2020 13:38

I’m amazed that people are saying men won’t have sex with women they don’t find attractive, obviously very naive posters!! Of course they would!! I’ve heard some stories in my time. Sex is just sex for a man and no they don’t need to find the woman attractive “every hole is a goal” remember

nolovelost · 07/10/2020 13:46

I definitely don't think all men are the same, but I once heard a man say that men will stick their dick in anything, he was a tosser though.

But I don't know how many would do it again after not enjoying it the first time, think he could be fibbing there.

FlatScreenTV01 · 07/10/2020 13:50

Your DH is a liar. It does happen but doesn't change anything. He is a cheat.

widespreadpanic · 07/10/2020 13:51

Of course many men would, especially if they are hard up for some.

I have a friend with a live in partner that he doesn’t even like anymore and he gets it in with her at least a few times a month. He does it cause he needs to keep her there to babysit his child. And he has a woman on the side he has sex with that he’s attracted to.

Holiday21plea · 07/10/2020 13:56

Personally to have an emotional connection with a person your having sex with (this is built) not just built by having sex the one time. Also I think once you have an emotional connection with a person you would be be physically attracted too.

User166777 · 07/10/2020 14:00

Does it matter though? He still cheated on you?.... In fact.... Does it not even make it worse in a way. He risked your relationship for a woman he didn't find attractive? Is that not even worse?. I've had similar happen to me a long time ago ( not said she was unattractive but insinuated it....), I was just speechless. So he betrayed me for some meaningless shag?

Except for you they had an emotional connection? Did he feel he was going to lose that and so slept with her?

I don't hear one ounce of thought for you in anything that he has said. I'm so sorry.

Sparkybloke · 07/10/2020 14:08

Bloke here....nope is the answer....if he did not enjoy sex the first time he'd have stopped....he enjoyed it, went for seconds and thirds....and will probably do so again...

RantyAnty · 07/10/2020 14:09

I hope you're not talking to him.

A lot of men will screw anything.
A pie, a fleshlight.

The feeling in their dick is extremely important and it has nothing to do with an emotional connection.

Eviebeans · 07/10/2020 14:26

If you ate a cream cake but wasn't sure you liked it and had 2 more goes just to make sure it would still make you fat

RationalOne · 07/10/2020 14:32

Completely possible for some to have sex with someone they don't fancy:

Men don't necessarily fancy the sex worker or vice versa
Turkish men fancy the 60 year old women
Pretty Thai Philippines women and the old men
For some sex is just an act

SoulofanAggron · 07/10/2020 20:07

A lot of men wiill get sex anywhere they can find it, they don't particularly have to fancy the person (hence even some straight men will get off with men just for the sexual act.)

safeordangerous · 07/10/2020 20:14

Speaking as a man... sounds like bollocks.

Is he spinning a line to try and get back with you?

sensiblesometimes · 07/10/2020 20:25

I think.it doesn't matter, he cheated on you.
end .

Swaning · 07/10/2020 20:33

asked my male DP. He said "that's hilarious, what a load of bollocks, i can't believe anyone would fall for that".

There you have it, another male opinion.

Hiccupiscal · 07/10/2020 20:57

Of course he will have sex with someone he doesn't find attractive.
As PP have said "any holes a goal" "pull a pig nights" etc are not sayings for no reason (turns my stomach writing that)
I've been privvy to many a male conversation in my lifetime, and belive me, men will stick thier Penis in just about anything.

I've known men deny being sexually active with women their mates wouldn't find attractive, thus making the poor woman look like a fantasist or liar.

Ive known men laugh and joke about women they have been sexually involved with but not found attractive.

Men who use prostitutes for example. Basically mens penises can rule over everything.

In this case, dont fall for his absolute crap.

If he's slept with her more than once, belive me, he didn't find it unenjoyable!

user1481840227 · 07/10/2020 21:00

Surely that's worse then if you believe that version of things.

He wasn't attracted to her, didn't enjoy the sex, yet slept with her 3 times because they had such an amazing emotional connection?

SandyY2K · 07/10/2020 21:09

This is a common line from cheaters, so I'm not inclined to believe it.

And he's cheated 3 times that you know of.

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