Do strong women really scare men off?

[pinkyponkywonky]

My ex husband said that I was too strong for him and that myself and his mother emasculated him. Personally, I think it was because he was so useless that his mother and I just "got on" with things on our own.

Since dating, I've found that several men seem to be scared off by my strength.

Thoughts?

I'd suggest that men who want to dominate rather than have an equal partnership may well be put off. But then they're no loss.

Agree. I work with sex offenders. Some of them like to blame their partners not needing them for downloading child abuse.

I think some men are put off, but it says a lot about them. Decent men aren't.

I saw the phrase "the trash takes itself out" on another thread. That neatly describes this. DH was raised by a strong mother, has a strong sister, and certainly wasn't scared off.

Yes. Most men like to feel needed.

Only scares off the men not worth knowing.

Carrie Fisher once said, "There are no ballbreakers, only breakable balls."

If you were too strong for him, why didn't he choose another partner? I've met people who are too X, Y or Z for me; I leave them to it and go on with my life.

Funny how women are responsible for men's behaviour, and also responsible for their own behaviour. And their children's behaviour too

@picklemewalnuts

I'd suggest that men who want to dominate rather than have an equal partnership may well be put off. But then they're no loss.

this ^

It only scares off the weak ones.

I have a very strong personality and am very independent.

Ex husband couldn't tolerate it, was raised by a mother who gave all control and power to his father.

My husband who I've been married to for eons totally accepts my strength but will always support me if I need it. He was raised by a mother who has a strong personality and a father that has always contributed equally to domestic chores, cooking and childcare, despite this not being a typical early 60's way of living.

Define strong? I know plenty of both men and women who define the selves as strong but are just a bit arrogant and aggressive and sure they're right.

wozzy I don't get what you typed.

Definitely scares off the dominators and abusers. Healthy partners don’t even categorise their partner as this.

Strong women scare off weak men.
Strong men find strong women irresistibly attractive.

PPs are correct. It absolutely does scare men off but usually the ones not worth knowing. Also look out for those who get off on taking you down a peg or two as they do not genuinely care and why would you want them in your life. I have seen several men try to use vulnerable times in the woman's life to assert themselves - usually through violence or aggression. Its horrid and your best off clear of this sort.

Personally, I think it was because he was so useless that his mother and I just "got on" with things on our own.

This is what the men you are dating are sensing. They are sensing that they can't dominate you and that it would be an equal partnership. They don't want that.

I'm apparently 'feisty'.

Thank God I got a man who likes strength in his partner - not to break, not to dominate, but to co-habitate.

I lift weights.

It terrifies men.

That’s one of the pluses as far as I can see.

They see me as competition not prey and that suits me just fine

A couple of examples of this 'strong behaviour' would be interesting. I think like has been said it depends on personality.

My Dad was with my Mom who was too passive and he's now with a 'strong' partner that nobody likes including at least one of her two children.

Only the control freaks who can't handle a woman who has an independent mind. I'm apparently strong, I'm independent and don't need my dh I'm with him because I want to be. He loves that I am the way I am, if he didn't he could find the door himself.

Yes, a lot of men appear to me to need or want a woman who needs them. Being competent and self sufficient seems to scare them.

@Happyspud

Define strong? I know plenty of both men and women who define the selves as strong but are just a bit arrogant and aggressive and sure they're right.

Exactly this. There are some women who fit this description and I'm sure all of them are bragging about being "strong" when in reality no one (unless they're doormats) wants to touch them with a barge pole once they get to know them properly.

I’m a strong minded woman. I’ve noticed that the men that can’t handle me really want a doormat. They want someone to just go along with everything they want/say/do, they want you to mold your change your personality to fit theirs, a healthy debate or having an opinion of your own means you’re argumentative and contrary.

Oddly enough, if I tell a guy that I’m one of those strong women they will start off excited. But as time goes on they realize it’s not what they want and they later end up with not as strong traits as I have.

Some want to be central and everything revolves around them. Their wants and whims come first.
With a strong woman, they have to consider someone else and compromise.
You see it on here all the time women running themselves into the ground working, taking care of the house and kids while he just works and does what he feels like doing.
She is the one that has to go to part time or change her hours to do the school runs.
A strong woman may have an equally important paying job so he has to compromise too.
A lot of men really resent having to do that.

Maybe crap men- but you wouldn't want them anyway.