Realised im bi sexual at 30 with children and married

[Ecowarrior90]

I have recently come to the conclusion i am bi sexual. I am married with children and feel i have missed time to explore a part of me? Does that make sense? Feeling so stagnant and confused

It’s no different to realising you fancy someone of the opposite sex, really, is it?

You’ve committed to one person. You either stay with them or end your marriage and explore others.

The bisexual thing is a bit of a red herring.

Man or woman , your talking about cheating.
Are you prepared to destroy your family?

The same thing happened to me. I think it's easier blot out that side of yourself until after you've done what society expects of you. Once you've reproduced I think that nagging little voice in the back of your mind goes "ok, so that's heterosexuality sewn up! What else is there?!" Or at least that's how it was for me.

You might benefit from some counselling to help explore your feelings. There used to be LGB specific stuff available, not sure if it's still the case.

Also, don't do anything rash. Take the time to really ask yourself what you want, rather than feeling you "should" do this or that.

Why are people assuming op wants to cheat?!

She hasn't even said there's a specific woman she likes.

No. Realising you're bisexual is nothing at all like cheating. It's 2020, people!

As a similarly aged bi woman, married to a man, with a kid, i don't see the issue. You presumably married your husband because you don't ever want to be with anyone else, because you love him, and enjoy sex with him. Being bi shouldn't change any of that. If it does, you're in the wrong marriage.

Unless you have sex with everybody on the planet in every conceivable way, by committing to one person you are closing a door.

If it's causing you that much consternation, perhaps ask the important questions first. Is your marriage right for you? Do you want to leave? Do you prefer women?

People often level the accusation of bisexuals being less happy to settle or more likely to stray as unfulfilled and this is why. Dissatisfaction is its own state and not related to bisexuality in an intrinsic way.

I have no experience if this but just wanted to say I Understand your OP. I’m not sure some posters have!!

What you do next depends. With therapy and help can you come to terms with the fact that unless things change with your husband you never will explore that side? If not you have to be honest with him and let him know what’s going on. Because if you can’t live your life without the chance to explore it but aren’t brave enough to do Anything about it you will be miserable and more than likely make him miserable.

I feel for you OP, life is short and you both deserve the chance if true happiness

Thankyou for the comments i appreciate every single one. I would never cheat and have been in a committed relationship for over ten years with the same man who adores me. I just feel like i wish i had come to this conclusion about myself before marriage so i could of explored that more. As i feel supressed right now in a way. @RuffleCrow i think you hit the nail on the head.

@Ecowarrior90

Thankyou for the comments i appreciate every single one. I would never cheat and have been in a committed relationship for over ten years with the same man who adores me. I just feel like i wish i had come to this conclusion about myself before marriage so i could of explored that more. As i feel supressed right now in a way. *@RuffleCrow* i think you hit the nail on the head.

What do you feel is being suppressed?

Being myself in a way or expanding/exploring ideas about myself

Yes i think you understand my point. Life is short. I think if i did explain this to him hed be extremely supportive. It is just having the guts to do it.

“Man who adores me”?

Do you adore him, OP?

Sorry that last post was for you @LunaNorth im new to this

Dress it up however you like; we're talking being unfaithful. What if he were to announce that he had feelings towards men but wanted to continue in th marriage? How would you feel about that?

Marriage is accepting (and being content with) the choice to never have another person in your bed. Same or opposite sex.

Remove from your thoughts for a moment, the alternative. Picture your life and sex life with only your husband. How does that make you feel?

Anything less than content is worth having a think about and seeing to what conclusion you draw.

If you want to stay in the marriage then you need to accept that you can’t explore your bisexuality fully. I don’t understand how your husband could support you to explore this unless you’re talking about starting an open marriage.

@SuperSange i am not "dressing it up" like anything we are not talking about being unfaithful at all
@LunaNorth i do love him but probably not adore but what relationship is perfectly equal?

@SuperSange

Dress it up however you like; we're talking being unfaithful. What if he were to announce that he had feelings towards men but wanted to continue in th marriage? How would you feel about that?

Being unfaithful implies the OP intends to explore her bisexuality behind her husband’s back. Having sex outside your primary relationship with your partner’s knowledge and permission isn’t being unfaithful.

OP. If you feel he’d be supportive then discuss it. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be out every weekend trying to find a girlfriend, and doesn’t necessarily need to mean anything more than you simply expressing how you feel and having that “restriction” removed.

@SuperSange

Dress it up however you like; we're talking being unfaithful. What if he were to announce that he had feelings towards men but wanted to continue in th marriage? How would you feel about that?

This is nasty. OP hasn’t done anything wrong. You feel how you feel.

OP settled from quite a young age 19/20. And she has been with her husband a long time. I often have this debate with a one of my best friends there are pros and cons to settling down young from a young age especially with children.

Look at your options.

Cheat to explore this other side of yourself.
(A pretty shit thing to do by anyone's standards)
Explore you alternate sexuality with your DPs consent.
(Difficult for DP and you would have to accept him looking at other sexual relationships)
End your relationship now and look for female relationships.

(Probably the fairest thing to do it you are overwhelmed with a longing to explore your sexuality)
Wait until your children are older and end the relationship to seek out female company for sex.
(Very unfair on DP as he has devoted his younger self to you, just to be thrown away when you feel this overwhelming need)
Talk to DP and find a way to come to terms with these feelings. Maybe get some counselling.
(Probably the least damaging all round, after all sexual attraction isn't the be all and end all of life)

I think you are experiencing the bit of the relationship where the gilt has come off and the essential boredom of a monogamous relationship is more obvious.

I don't get it, if you're not talking about sex with women then what is there to explore!?

What do you hope to achieve in telling your dh that you think you may be bisexual?

Your going to tell the father of your children you don't fancy him enough.
Yeah nice, your going to hurt him to make yourself feel better.

I understand OP. I'm 35 and have realised as I've got older that I'm bisexual

I experimented a bit when I was younger but not as much as I'd like

I'm married with a young DC and have been with my husband for 9 years

I'm not going to leave him or cheat on him but there is a certain sadness that I'll never get to experience part of who I am because of this

If you think there's even a small chance you might decide to explore behind your DH's back OR decide you'll leave to explore when your DCs are older ... tell your DH now and talk it through.

It would be incredibly unfair to cheat on him and risk his health behind his back.

And it would be incredibly unfair to literally be counting days until you can leave to 'find yourself' with someone else after he's given you his best years, as people say. Give him the chance to find love with someone who wants to spend their life with him.

If you wouldn't do these things, then it's irrelevant really. You're in a committed relationship, doesn't really matter if you'd have been happy with a woman if you hadn't met him first.