Realised im bi sexual at 30 with children and married

[Ecowarrior90]

I have recently come to the conclusion i am bi sexual. I am married with children and feel i have missed time to explore a part of me? Does that make sense? Feeling so stagnant and confused

Also not sure where you're seeing that. My husband is well aware of my sexuality and is quite happy with that because it's part of who I am and he loves me as I do him.

What a class act 🙄

We are in a committed monogamous relationship and are very happy.

So... you're wrong and what point are you trying to make aside from being uneducated and a homophobe?

@mummmy2017

Being single and Bi, to s very different to being married and suddenly saying you like the oppersite sex. Phil Scofield springs to mind. If your not intending to act on it, why do you need to mention it? The only way any spouse/ partner can take this is that they are not whom you want to be with. Would you stand and tell your husband you fancy his boss? No you would not. If your husband told you he fancied the woman next door and wondered what sleeping with her would be like, you'd go nuts. Double stands are in play here from lots of you.

Some of these comments are uncalled for. OP might as well of said she had had sex with a woman. She has not stated this so posters need to calm down.

OP feels how she feels what don’t you understand it’s not ideal that it’s feelings towards the opposite sex of her husband but it’s her worry at the end of the day.

OP settled down too young by the sounds of things and people change and so do people were you the same person at aged 20? Compared to 30?

@Vortice - Your comments on this thread are some of the most helpful and constructive l have seen on MN.

OP, there is little l can add to the positive comments, so take care and ignore those who are negative.

@RuffleCrow

The biphobia upthread thread is sickening. It really needs to be reported. Nobody should be being made to feel guilty or ashamed or told they're "cheating" for simply having a particular sexuality. There are actual laws against the kind of shaming that's going on here. I realise a few LGB allies have recently joined me on the thread so can we please report the posts i'm talking about together? No wonder the op has suppressed a part of herself for so long! This was probably the kind of reaction she was dreading.

I agree. It's horrendous.

I've reported and asked MN to look through this.

@Furbs

I feel like the bi community can't have it both ways.

😂😂😂

Thanks @TheBlueStocking

I am bisexual OP, I have had sexual relationships with men and women before I met DH and DH has always known this, so slightly different. As many people have pointed out, just because someone is bisexual does not mean they cannot commit to a monogamous relationship or are eventually going to cheat (we have been together for 17 years now).

What I can hear you saying is that you feel you haven't had chance to fully explore your sexuality. The best advice really is to speak to your husband about how you feel. Where that conversation goes will really depend on you as a couple, but having sex with another woman is not the only way you can explore this part of your sexuality.

You see, I’m not sure I agree with you, @RuffleCrow, that all the mention of cheating is homophobic. I think it’s because the OP suggested she felt ‘stagnant’ and wished she’d explored more before marriage. If the OP hadn’t mentioned her sexuality but said the same, she’d have received similar answers. So I think posters mentioned cheating in response to an OP who suggested she was restless in her marriage. MNs in general have a fondness for reminding all posters that they’ve taken marriage vows and that’s that so I don’t think all the posts that suggested ‘exploring’ would equate to cheating were necessarily being homophobic. I think there’s just often a very harsh response to anyone implying that their marriage may not be enough for whatever reason.
That’s not to say there’s nothing homophobic on the thread, just that the references to cheating aren’t homophobic by themselves; rather they’re just typical MN.

In my experience those sorts of comments are usually reserved for heterosexual women who are having emotional or physical affairs with other men or who have a man in mind they're about to do that with. I can't remember a time a heterosexual woman was told she was 'cheating' simply because she was acknowledging, in her own mind, that she was straight.

You can discuss it with your husband so you're not feeling like you're hiding part of yourself.

There are online bisexual communities where she can go. Even something as simple as going to a guy bar.

As I said up thread it really depends on the OPs feelings. If she feels like she can't live her life without exploring it physically then she has a hell of alot to consider but it sounds like she actually more than anything just doesn't want to deny this side of her sexuality and needs to explore her own feelings around who she's figured out she is.

There is an entire LGBT culture that she has never experienced.

Think of it as exploring Rome. There is alot to do without meeting the Pope.

Are you sure you are not secretly wondering if you are a lesbian? Yes, you are missing out by being in a monogamous relationship, not exactly the same, but similar to a lot of women missing out if they've ever only slept with 1-2 men prior to their marriage.

Maybe you should wonder why you are getting itchy feet at this point, or wonder why the pull to explore is so strong. Is it really because you are bisexual, or is it because you are imagining a totally different, more fulfilling emotional and sexual life for yourself in a lesbian relationship?

@mummmy2017

So ok, please explain, because I just don't understand how you can do this any other way. Please explain, if your not wanting anyone else, not going to cheat how do you explore being Bi?

As said just now, in the same way anyone can acknowledge their sexuality without creating.

Does being straight mean you are going to cheat with the next man you see?

That should have said she can discuss it with her husband etc.

You can also discuss it with your husband if you wish

*cheating

RuffleCrow can you tell me , if you don't mind, did you split up with your partner after you felt you were attracted to both sexs?

@mummmy2017

RuffleCrow can you tell me , if you don't mind, did you split up with your partner after you felt you were attracted to both sexs?

@mummmy2017

So ok, please explain, because I just don't understand how you can do this any other way. Please explain, if your not wanting anyone else, not going to cheat how do you explore being Bi?

First and foremost, conversation with her husband. Joining online communities/attending Pride events/talking to other bisexual women-see above first Fantasy (solo or with her husband depending on how he feels about this) Literature/films Accepting openly your sexual identity is also very powerful.

OP might decide this isnt enough and feels she does need to explore this physically, but that is a separate conversation.

I recommend discussing this with your husband before taking it any further, but before you do have a think about how you are going to deal with the fearful response you have seen from other posters on here, because it will be a natural reaction to the news. Sadly there are lots of stories online that will scare and worry your husband if he decides to look so you need to get ahead of that.

You'll need to discuss what is right for your relationship and may have to accept that there will be limits to your exploration of your sexuality if you wish to remain within it.

@TheBlueStocking

From my experience, you get a range of responses from partners. From expecting that you're up for a threesome, getting full of angst when they think you might go off with a woman, to the most common, which is where you might both say oh she's good looking while watching the TV and agree oh yes, lovely.

You’re forgetting the classic,

‘Can I watch?’

[quote Ecowarrior90]**@mummmy2017* if my husband told me he fancied the girl next door i would thank him for being honest and wouldnt go nuts, he is human. If he cheated i would. As i have already said numerous times i am mentioning it as i feel i am basically living a lie or denying a part of myself. Whether i do anything about it or not. @Thisisnotnormal69* i have spoke to friends about it, new ones atleast.[/quote]
How about your husband's response, would he be the same? Is there a reason that you can't say "Do you know, the older I get, the more I realise I fancy women too"? Are you afraid he'd think it meant you were gay, or that you wanted to cheat, or is he emotionally intelligent/mature enough to be able to cope with the idea? Do you discuss whether you find TV stars etc. attractive? Could you imagine it simply becoming part of your conversation, that you admire a pretty woman and maybe agree you both like her? Is that the kind of thing you mean; it being an openly discussed part of you?

You also feel as if you've missed out on the experimentation you could have done, is that right? I don't think that's an uncommon experience at all. I didn't experiment with either sex before settling down with my exh, and as I got older and more confident I did sometimes feel sorry I hadn't had the confidence earlier. Like you, I would never have done anything about it apart from that slight feeling of missed opportunity (though not actual regret): if we'd stayed together forever I'd have gone to my grave with it. As you can see from the "ex", however, the opportunity later arose :) - you're only 30, and still have a good few decades ahead in which you might end up exploring after all for one of many reasons. And if you don't, you'll have had another experience that many people do not have: a very long marriage. We can't have all the experiences...

I kinda get where you’re coming from. I’m happily married with four kids to the guy I lost my cherry to at 14 and the only man I’ve ever slept with, and yet. In my first year of University I formed a relationship with another woman and we were lovers in every sense of it. We were together just under a year and yet I’d never been attracted to women before or since so I don’t consider myself anything other than heterosexual. Interestingly, she’s happily married with kids too. It was just, one of those things.

We split for unrelated reasons actually.

rufflecrow that is nobody's business x