Realised im bi sexual at 30 with children and married

[Ecowarrior90]

I have recently come to the conclusion i am bi sexual. I am married with children and feel i have missed time to explore a part of me? Does that make sense? Feeling so stagnant and confused

I seriously can't grasp how this is going to benefit OP.
This is the same as someone saying they hadn't married their first boyfriend, and had had more sexual partners.

Some of the responses on here are both ridiculous and judgemental. The OP isn't talking about cheating- she is regretful that she didn't explore a side of herself that exists within her, a side that wasn't strong enough until now when it's too late to do anything about it unless she destroys her existing life.

OP, you sound similar to my sister. She has spent 20 years in relationships with men, and never once thought that she was bi-sexual until earlier this year when she met someone who has turned her world upside down. She says that she spent 20 years being in relationships with men and not really understanding why she didn't really feel completely fulfilled and it's only since meeting this woman that she understands what was missing. She was fortunately single when she met this woman so it's been a much simpler situation for my sister than it is in your case.

The only thing you can do is speak to your dh about how you're feeling.

All i said is being a man is not like being a bi woman as demonstrates by society, laws and religions which i think is insanely double standards, nevertheless there we are. My comment was in response to

mummmy2017

Sorry but this does change everything.
If my DH suddenly told me he fancied men, it would rip my world apart

Because i simply don't think it an equivalent example in practice. Perhaps it should be the same but i don't think it is so in the world.

Anyway i really dont want to derail ops thread further so i'm withdrawing from this thread.

I dont know if i thought my attraction was admiration or whether it is something that has changed over time... Sexual fluidity? I have turned down advances from women over the years with no thought at the time i could be bi sexual. It is only recently i have come to the conclusion.

Anyway i really dont want to derail ops thread further so i'm withdrawing from this thread.

Thank fuck

Dress it up however you like; we're talking being unfaithful.

No we're not. Dear lord - it's hardly a crime for the OP to have a little regret at not having had the chance to experience relationships with women before she settled down with her husband. Just as a woman who has only ever slept with the man she married might have a few regrets. Doesn't mean she has any intention of being unfaithful.

As for why she's not really realised she's bi until now- I thought that was pretty common. In these days where lots of people say that sexuality is a pretty fluid thing, I'm surprised people are reacting so suspiciously and critically towards the OP tbh.

Some really weird responses!! You’ve clearly said you’re not intending to cheat (didn’t assume you were anyway!). I would feel exactly the same as you, would never know what sex with a woman was like or a relationship with a woman. Perhaps some people think that’s no big deal to them but it would be a big deal to me, you, and I’m sure many others!

Where you go from here, I’m not really sure, though... would you feel better being open about it with your husband? Or a friend first?

And it’s really common to not realise you’re bi or even gay until later on in life - homophobia (even internalised) is still alive and kicking, and even without that it can take a while to really understand your own feelings. Being straight is a whole lot easier.

The "explore" part is seeing if you are just full-blown gay?

(I started with women, "explored" with men a bit - what a massive disappointment, but PIV is interesting - and now if I ever date again I'll go back to women. I don't know how to class myself so I use the term Bi.)

I don't agree with those saying it's just the same as fancying a man when you're married to one. There are different feelings around experiencing same sex attraction when you are in a committed opposite sex relationship and have only ever had straight experiences. You do find yourself wondering why you weren't aware of this part of yourself before, wondering whether it's a change in you or the world around you, or down to the particular woman/ women in question, and obviously there is a greater degree of curiosity. Agree with pp though that it's best to accept that the moment has passed and focus on what you've got.

Lot of rubbish about bisexuality on this thread.

It's exactly the same as being attracted to men except you're also attracted to women. It does not mean you are planning to cheat.

Hi op. I’d say several of my friends consider themselves on the bi spectrum, as do I. There are Safe spaces to explore this, with partner consent. PM me if you like :)

Being single and Bi, to s very different to being married and suddenly saying you like the oppersite sex. Phil Scofield springs to mind.
If your not intending to act on it, why do you need to mention it?
The only way any spouse/ partner can take this is that they are not whom you want to be with.
Would you stand and tell your husband you fancy his boss? No you would not.
If your husband told you he fancied the woman next door and wondered what sleeping with her would be like, you'd go nuts.
Double stands are in play here from lots of you.

I'm 32, bi-sexual, happily married to a man with 2 children. If we were to split I'm not sure i would b with another man again as I do lean more towards women than men ironically enough.

I can understand why you feel how you do completely and please ignore those who are completely ignorant on this thread.

Do you think you could be happy in your life having not explored this because if not you have an awful lot to consider.

@mummmy2017 if my husband told me he fancied the girl next door i would thank him for being honest and wouldnt go nuts, he is human. If he cheated i would. As i have already said numerous times i am mentioning it as i feel i am basically living a lie or denying a part of myself. Whether i do anything about it or not. @Thisisnotnormal69 i have spoke to friends about it, new ones atleast.

There's some very odd responses on your post OP. I posted something similar a couple of weeks ago about realising in my 40s that I'm not straight (after 20 years with my DH and several DC). The responses were much more measured and supportive.

No advice except solidarity because I know how this feels.

From my experience, you get a range of responses from partners. From expecting that you're up for a threesome, getting full of angst when they think you might go off with a woman, to the most common, which is where you might both say oh she's good looking while watching the TV and agree oh yes, lovely.

I think this situation is not at all uncommon.

You know your husband best op and what his reaction would be. Tell him if you're sure he will be fine with this. Maybe think what if anything you want out of it first. Be careful of his feelings. It would be a massive deal to me if my DH suddenly turned around and said he was bi. He may need a lot of reassuring that nothing in your relationship will change. Good luck.

The biphobia upthread thread is sickening. It really needs to be reported. Nobody should be being made to feel guilty or ashamed or told they're "cheating" for simply having a particular sexuality. There are actual laws against the kind of shaming that's going on here. I realise a few LGB allies have recently joined me on the thread so can we please report the posts i'm talking about together? No wonder the op has suppressed a part of herself for so long! This was probably the kind of reaction she was dreading.

*Or indeed actual LGB people

I think this situation is not at all uncommon.

Christ some of the posters here are unpleasant.

1. OP hasn’t been unfaithful and isn’t contemplating being unfaithful.
2. It’s completely normal for anyone in a long term relationship to occasionally wonder “what if?” It doesn’t make them a bad person.
3. Posters saying they would never date a bi man are being ridiculous. Bi men are all completely different people, to rule out an entire group is incredibly short-sighted. I hope those potential bi lovers all have wonderful lives without you!