My best friend has declared his feelings and I'm confused

[wistfulchameleon]

Name changed for this.

I left my marriage of 13 years a few years ago now. The very first person I started to date (whom I met online) I fell for quite badly. Unfortunately my head wasn't in the right place to begin another serious relationship so I ended it. I never told him the extent of my feelings for him, I kept them to myself and we began a friendship instead.
Three years later he is my best friend. We have so much in common, talk daily, meet for lunch every week, he makes me laugh and I love every second of his company. I'd genuinely moved on from my romantic feelings towards him in to viewing him in a purely platonic way.

I've just ended a 7 month relationship because it didn't feel right, and about a week later my friend asked to see me urgently. He told me that he's in love with me and always has been. It completely threw me, and almost immediately I could feel my old romantic feelings towards him returning to the surface. We slept together that evening and it was amazing.

The issue is that I'm really not sure if I should proceed with this. I mean, I want to, very much. But I don't know if two friends can move beyond that point and begin a relationship without risking everything they have together. Would you throw caution to the wind and go for it, or would you keep your cool and attempt to salvage the friendship? He means a lot to me, he's probably the only person in the world I really trust and l don't want to lose him.

What a fabulous thread

I was the one to make the move on my best friend - we're now married. 😁

I had the same fears - how on earth would we get our friendship back if a relationship failed was my biggest concern. So far we're so good.

Thank you all. 😊 I'm currently away for the weekend with him. My children are with exH so he suggested we get a room and hit Bristol. So far everything's really good, although he was a bit drunk last night and got very soppy on me. 🙈

💗💙 so lovely! Have a wonderful time

Oh OP it sounds wonderful! Let yourself go and enjoy it. Of course it was the right thing to do

Go for it!

I think he's so precious to you that you're afraid of losing him. You're afraid that getting into a formal relationship (will all the extra pressure that entails) will ruin the relationship you already have.

However, you might have to make that choice whether you want to or not! As much as he might love you, he might not be willing to see you forever as a friend as it might be too painful for him.

My advice would be to give this relationship a go, otherwise you might always regret it.

I am loving this thread

This is adorable. I’m so happy you decided to take the plunge!

@wistfulchameleon

He's in my kitchen pouring me a G&T. He asked if he could come and spend the night, so I pushed my stupid fretting to the back of my mind and said yes. When I opened the door and he came inside we just stood there for ages grinning at each other, holding hands. 🙈 It can't be wrong when it feels so right, right?

Yyyyyesssssss!! So happy to hear this and I remember that nervous but happy giggly teenage feeling. ENJOY OP !!

Aw @wistfulchameleon I just checked here to see how things went. How exciting!!! I love that you two have given in to it. Good for you!! Any updates??

You lucky duck!

Enjoy - you deserve it

Nothing new to report other than everything is going great. We've been pretty much inseparable since we decided to give it a go.

He's back at work today, but has just messaged me to say he's bought us a 6 berth caravan. 🤷‍♀️ He's a bit of a free spirit and you never really know what's next from him.

He's just let his house out and decided that he would buy a van and live in it on the grounds of where he works until he figures out where to settle. Sounds mental, but quite a few of his colleagues live at work (he's a pilot).

Apparently he got a big caravan so that the kids and I can doss about at the airfield when he's working. I thought that was quite sweet, that he'd thought of another way in which we could spend time together. Yes, I know I'm gushing now...but I'm in love!

🥰🥰🥰 congratulations OP, this is so lovely

Congratulations. I hope you are both very happy together. I got together with a good friend and now we have 3 kids.....

@wistfulchameleon It's so lovely to read your post and I'm so happy to read that it's all working out.

Go for it.A solid friendship is an ideal basis to form a relationship on. Better than getting blinded to someone's flaws when a relationship starts in the other way (romantic from the start so you overlook a lot of things). You likely qlready know and accept each others flaws and quirks at this stage. A very good place to start from. I really wish you the best for it

Just when it can't get any better, it turns out he's a pilot and you may be camping out at the airfield from time to time! What fun. Thanks for the heartwarming update!

@wistfulchameleon thank you for your totally wonderful and heartwarming updates, this sounds so perfect, enjoy every second ❤️

Love this. Such a lovely thread.

I had a best friend through university. We had a lot to drink one evening and he asked me not to go on the (ill-starred, rebound but rather exciting) date I was going on the next day because his feelings had started to change. I was totally shocked, but decided to give it a go - partly because our relationship was a sufficiently big part of both our lives that I thought neither of us was in a state to move on to anyone else without things changing anyway, and partly, to be honest, because he was pretty miserable about other things and I didn't want to make things any worse.

That was almost 25 years ago and the single best decision I have ever made. He's still my favourite person and I feel so lucky to be living the life we have built together.

I just wanted to update on new developments for anyone who might care to read.
I'm getting married! He asked me last night in a beautiful little low-key proposal at home, if I would do him the honour. Rose petals on the bed, champagne on ice etc... you get the picture. Because of Covid it's impossible to do some grand gesture, and to be honest I wouldn't have wanted that anyway.
I'm on cloud nine right now, and can't stop staring at the insanely beautiful solitaire he gave me!

Woohoo!
Many congratulations! 🥂
Simply the loveliest thing I have read for a very long time x

Oh I remember the earlier part of this thread!
How wonderful for you both, congratulations!! 💕🎊💕

This could have been a Sliding Doors moment as per the recent thread and here you are, getting married 💍💖

It sounds pretty much perfect to me. Be happy!