Confused, help me make sense of why he doesn't want to see me.

[Namechanged1122]

Have name changed for this. I'm quite embarrassed to be writing this down.
I met a guy at work in March just before we locked down. We couldn't see each other then outside work, obviously.. we have fancied each other from the beginning and we stayed in touch throughout lockdown (as well as seeing each other at work) I'll admit the chat outside of work got very flirty and - I wouldn't normally do this - but images were shared (not identifiable images).

I haven't actually seen him outside of work. This sounds ridiculous.... he's very paranoid about covid, sometimes when I look over I'll see him sanitising his hands several times. Sometimes we see each other at a cafe we both go to prior to work and we'll walk in together but that's it. We talk most of the day either on work Skype or on what's app in the evening. While we're not 'official' He has told me that he isn't dating anyone and has no plans to until there is a vaccine.... his mums birthday was a few weeks ago and he told me he couldn't visit as it didn't feel safe.

The other thing is, he has a 'friend' who he has known around 15 years, yes she's female. She has a dog and they walk it together on a Sunday and a weeknight. They live in the same apartment block and she also shares an allotment space with him. He's assured me time and time again that she's only a friend.

About 2 months ago I'd decided I was sick of him seemingly making excuses not to see me outside work so I stopped communication (at least outside work on what's app, we still spoke on work Skype)
He has got back in touch and is being more sweet with me than before, like he's changed in a way.. he's told me he's applied for jobs which means he'll be leaving soon. I said well we'll never see each other again after that. He didn't seem happy but reiterated that he can't promise me anything until a vaccine is introduced.

I don't know if he understands how hurt I am. I asked him to swap his support bubble to involve me instead of the woman he is friends with in the apartment and he said this would involve him not seeing her dog and he didn't want to do that

He continues to talk to me, and I'm trying to hold back. I don't know what he wants from me. I don't truly believe he's single but I really want to believe what he's telling me

I'm so blindsided because I like him so much.

So, I'm trying to work out - is he genuinely worried about covid or is he just not that into me ? 😖

Please someone talk sense into me, but please don't be harsh.. I feel particularly vulnerable at the moment.

This situation won't change, it will just be more fuckery.

His communication is evasive, stringing you along but not actually saying anything. Just the hint of.

You say you really get on, I wonder if he's doing some mirroring along with the intermittent reinforcement.

My guess is he has a messed up unboundaried upbringing.

Seriously, get out and stay out.
You could be writing this same shit in 10 years.
Are we aren't we.
Why doesn't he love me.
Why does he string me along.
Why aren't I good enough.

Is this good enough for you?
Is this anywhere close to what you want from a relationship?
No!
Get strong.
Focus on you.
Put everything into you.
He is a complete waste of time.

Oh yes
Well done on the block, keep it up.
Work your way through baggage reclaim.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-spot-emotionally-unavailable-men/

Please be strong as he isn't the right one for you (not even the right one for right now!). You've had an enormous crush on him and he's enjoyed it but it was never going anywhere. You've said you're lonely and that's why you've come over all needy but this never helps. You sound a very thoughtful, caring person and when you feel good about yourself it will shine through. Try not to give him another thought (and no, you can't continue to be friends) and pat yourself on the back for getting out of this downward spiral. Good luck 🤞

Keep going with the block!
You’ve had a huge crush on this guy who has, for whatever reason, let you carry on. In your mind it’s a ‘thing’ in his it isn’t. If he was talking about you to his friends what would he say, if anything?
Think of all the men you don’t want to go out with (ie nearly all men!), if one of them asked you why you didn’t want them what would you say? They might be good looking and great company but you might not fancy them just... because. And that’s fine, that’s how it works. If they kept on pursuing you depending on your personality you’d either enjoy the flattery or feel a bit stalked.
I hope you feel better soon. I don’t think you should talk about this to colleagues. Every time he pops into your shout a great big ‘NO!’ internally or externally depending on where you are.

Well. He got a new job last week and left on Friday. It was an internal vacancy so he was able to just leave. He's in the same department but will be working in another building.
I had him blocked but when I found out he was leaving he came over to my desk and talked to me, I don't know how but he somehow managed to convince me to add him back on what's app. Stupidly I did, the moment he left on Friday he sent me a message. I gave him an ultimatum and said I basically want to see you and I want you to swap your friend for me in your social bubble temporarily. He said no, and went on to say that he wasn't prepared to date anyone or see me for the next 6 months when social distancing restrictions should be over.
I got upset. I've blocked him again. Before I blocked he asked me to Skype him when I'm back at work.
I do not understand it anymore nor do I want to. I've blocked him on the work Skype and will keep it that way.

I'm trying the 30 day no contact method for what's app.. I'm on day 1 😖

His friend came up in conversation last week and I asked him if she knew about me, he said yes, but I didn't ask in what context.. nor do I care.

The baggage reclaim article is interesting.

Every time you have an interaction with him it harms you.
The no contact is protecting yourself isn't it?
Look at it like, every day you stay away, you are looking after yourself.

Baggage reclaim has loads on no contact.
Read it and become empowered.

How come he doesn’t want to see you for six months because of coronavirus but he talks to you at your desk every day in work? Are you in masks?

It's really not good that you asked him to swap you for his 'friend' but his reply must now finally make you realise that he is not interested. Block him on everything, try to build up your self confidence and try to forget him.

I agree with LilyWater re the intimate photographs you sent him. I don't understand why you would do that when you weren't even in a relationship. You must realise if he decided to put your photos on the internet, they will be there forever.

I hope you can move on from him and it's good that he is now in a different building.

@Savemyusername no, we do not wear masks in the office. He told me that we couldn't even have a socially distanced walk, due to me 'wanting more' - it's true, I would.

I shouldn't have asked him to choose between me and his friend but for some reason I hoped he would choose me, at least for a while. He told me it's against the law to swap bubbles anyway, which I think it is, actually. The rules say you can't.

The problem is I'm prepared to not abide by the rules, he wants to follow them rigidly.

He’s not that into you . But also he sounds a bit strange . Sorry op , you can do better . I see these scenarios play out at work all the time .

Also I had a guy like this ( from work ). He liked the attention from multiple women , including myself . He asked me for nude pictures and that is all he wanted from me . He had no intention to date me whatsoever .

OP, you're just an ego trip to him. KEEP HIM BLOCKED.

I’ve had this type of situation before, as have several friends, and without fail - no matter how intense and exciting it feels at the time — they have turned out to be a total waste of time and energy . However, on the positive side, on each occasion I have looked back with the benefit of hindsight once the crush has faded and thought “What the hell did I see in him?!”. This guy sounds flakey at best OP, you’re dodging a bullet. Move on and up,
and don’t look back.

Oh OP... his "friend" is clearly his wife/girlfriend/partner and you're just a frivolous distraction. Him not wanting to meet up has nothing to do with Covid and vaccinations. It's "safe" to see you in work and he's happy to enjoy flirtatious messages, but as soon as it becomes too "real" (ie. meeting up) he pulls away.

What you'll come to realise is that you're not actually as into him as you think. The fact he doesn't want you makes you want him more (the old age "we always want what we can't have)

I would advise you to remember you can do better than this absolute wet blanket and meet a man who will actually want to be around you. Lusting after this absolute dullard is just wasting your time.

Stay strong.

He is not a respectful decent man OP. He knows you would like a relationship and that he doesn't want to give you this, but STILL he is toying with you, trying to get you back on side. He will also know he has given signals that more would happen over the course of your interactions.

Honestly, decent man would back off from this situation now and would not be interested in causing upset.

This tells you all you need to know. Even if he agreed
to a date or changing his bubble, there would be another issue or hurdle at some point and then another and another.

It's a good thing though he's moved internally and is no longer under your nose.

It might take you a little while to get over it - but you will get over it. And you will also spot this BS a mile off in future.

(From someone who has been there and got the T-shirt!)

He told me that if I genuinely cared about him then I'd understand his point of view regarding covid and that I'd respect the fact that he will not allow extra people into his bubble, etc.. it's a proper headfuck. It's also made my anxiety worse re covid as I'm not sure what to believe anymore.

I dreamed about him last night, that he married his 'friend' and I tried to reach out to him and he blocked me. It was horrible.

I admit I'm probably obsessed with him. I didn't mean to get myself in this situation, I really didn't.

Still have him blocked, keeping it that way. Last time I did this I lasted 2 weeks before he was coming to my desk and asking me to unblock and being very sweet. He can't do that now.

I need to believe that I am worthy of love and respect and that I have good qualities, I'm a nice person, have things going for me. Just need to keep telling myself.... sometimes it feels like the only men I've really really liked in life are the ones that didn't feel the same in the long run. It's sad

Keep him blocked. He isn’t sweet, a sweet man would be honest with you and not encourage this. It’s best for both of you if you just draw a line under it and try to move on. Given a bit of time you’ll realise he isn’t right for you.

I am sorry OP, he has actually SAID that he would rather see this woman's dog than you...how clear does he have to be. That comment and I would be off, and the other one about not until a covid vaccine is found...please put this guy behind you, it is going nowhere.

He doesn’t even want to see you within the rules ie he told you he wouldn’t go on a socially distanced walk as you would ‘want more’. He couldn’t be plainer.

It’s not fair of him though to keep chatting and WhatsApping you and then knock you back.

Part of me hopes we can be friends in the future. But I'd prefer to get to a point where I dislike him. I'm anxious and depressed and going through this doesn't help. I want the pain to stop.

Why would he continue to talk to me, does he feel something but doesn't want to admit it. Or does he just like the attention, to the detriment of my mental health? He must hate me.

He's a player. On an ego trip. Please keep him blocked!!!!

He's not worthy of you.