I think it very much depends on your usual behaviour around friends and the context. With my DP and friends, we all joke about stuff all of the time. Me taking the piss out of DP for hiding in the toilet to avoid doing stuff wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. But then DP and I have the kind of relationship where we joke about all kinds of things quite a lot anyway.
So for me, what you said wasn't awful or over a line. It wasn't something desperately personal that should never be shared. It's the kind of subject that I've seen many couples joke about all the time. If a man said this about a woman, it would equally be OK. He does sound a touch over-sensitive - I do wonder perhaps if it's because you touched a nerve?
Of course, it also depends on how you said it. I know you said you exaggerated for comedic effect - but were you being nasty? Or genuinely just having a joke? Only you know the answer, and it makes a big difference.
Having said all of that, in all honesty, it doesn't really matter whether you think what you said was OK or not. Your DH was upset - and that's the important bit. It's easy to accidentally upset a partner without meaning to, and if we do, a heartfelt and genuine apology is needed - which you said you gave. To me, your comments suggest that you accept you were at fault - and you apologised for that.
I really don't think what you said was so awful that it warrants nine months of intimacy withdrawal and passive aggressive behaviour. If he was hurt by your jokes about him not doing housework etc, I could understand needing a few days space but his response to a fairly trivial episode seems way overblown. And yes, I would say this if the roles were reversed and a woman was feeling upset.
We are all allowed to have feelings, of course we are. Including men. But having such an enormous reaction to a fairly trivial, one-off incident would lead to some serious questions for me. How is his underlying mental health and behaviour? Was your relationship in trouble anyway, and this was just the final straw?
During the nine months of him sleeping in the other room and disengaging, did you not sit down and have a conversation about how to move forward? The fact he's been sleeping in the other room makes it very obvious how upset he still is - did you just hope things would suddenly improve? Or had you checked out of the relationship too?
I saw your update and that things have settled down in the short term. However, I'd strongly suggest seriously thinking about what you both want, and what is healthy for your family, in the longer term. I'd say communication and reaching out needs to improve on both sides if your relationship is going to survive.
PS - and absolutely make sure he does his share of the housework! :)