Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Im at my wits end with my husband [content warning: concerns domestic abuse]

58 replies

mummybear2918 · 17/09/2020 07:09

We have been married for 3 years and have 2 young children. My husband works Monday to Friday which is fair enough be he does absolutely nothing with his children and doesn't help around the house. He doesn't play with them he rarely changes a nappy and has only gave our 5 months 2 bottles in his whole we life. He never bathed them and hes never put any of them to bed. When I mention it he gets angry and then twist it cause we are rarely have s*x as I'm just rushed off my feet everyday, he says I need to change and start having more us time and then when he sees me change he will which is ridiculous cause hes a dad.
His temper is a different story when we argue he doesnt like what I have to say he yells for me to shut up and if I don't her started punching and breaking things. Yesterday he punched about 4 wholes in my kitchen door while DD was watching and she started crying that same night she woke 20 crying. After the kitchen door he nearly ripped the stair gate off the wall and he lifted the babies bouncer as if he was going to throw it. When hes in this maddness of anger he says things like if I don't shut up he is going to punch the f*king life out of me or ripped my f*king throat out... I don't know what to do I've told him 10000 times he needs professional help but doesn't listen. We are homeowners and have the 2 children to think about but I keep thinking I need to leave this. What would you all do? Plus I don't have many friends to talk to about it my friends are his friends

OP posts:
schmalex · 17/09/2020 07:11

I think you need to leave, OP. He sounds dangerous.

supersonicginandtonic · 17/09/2020 07:12

Leave him. That's the only way forward. One day his threats will become real. Think of your children. They are going to grow up terrified of their dad and think this behaviour is normal. Do you want that for them? X

Kettlingur · 17/09/2020 07:12

You need to leave. He is abusive and violent.

And you should not need to buy parenting with sex FFS. You're absolutely right, that is ridiculous.

ReadtheData · 17/09/2020 07:13

Leave leave leave!

He's showing you what he's capable of with the walls and doors, next time it could be you or the poor children. He's threatening to seriously hurt you. He's a sex pest and emotional blackmails you too. He's abusive and dangerous.

Please stay safe and keep those poor children safe too. Good luck OP Flowers

Gladgreengrass · 17/09/2020 07:15

Yes you need to leave op Flowers. This sounds awful. Don't wait until the threats turn in to physical violence against you. He sounds dangerous.

Someone will be along on here with advice on how to do it.

icelollycraving · 17/09/2020 07:16

He is abusive. Please seek real life help from women’s aid. Him not helping with the kids is the least of your problems. I wouldn’t want to have sex willingly with a violent temper tantrum arsehole either.
Your dc are seeing this as how parents are, this is the dynamic between you. The threats will soon be a reality.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/09/2020 07:21

Oh OP 😞 please leave. He's dangerous, and a threat to you & DC.

happystory · 17/09/2020 07:22

You need to leave this terrible man. Tell someone, a family member... get help.

PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2020 07:23

Call Women’s Aid. They help people leave abusive situations.

sofato5miles · 17/09/2020 07:23

Oh you poor thing!! What an utter arsehole. Realistically, you need to find help. He will not change for the better and will most probably get worse.

Well done for posting and seeking some clarity. You know this is wrong and i hope that somehow you now start to get a plan togwther on how to leave, and do it.

You and your children deserve so much more. Your physical and emotional safety should never be in question.

Shouldbedoing · 17/09/2020 07:25

www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence
Lots of resources here.
He's trying to train you to shut up and put up but treading on eggshells will not be enough to keep you safe. These men wait till you are firmly tied down with kids before they show their true colours. He will shove or hit you.or the kids next.

Original poster
mummybear2918 · 17/09/2020 07:25

This is the door in my house

Im at my wits end with my husband [content warning: concerns domestic abuse]
Im at my wits end with my husband [content warning: concerns domestic abuse]
Im at my wits end with my husband [content warning: concerns domestic abuse]
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2020 07:29

@mummybear2918

This is the door in my house
I don’t understand
Original poster
mummybear2918 · 17/09/2020 07:30

Purpledasies my husband did this

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2020 07:32

Are there photos? They’re not showing for me.

I don’t think you need proof here, people believe you.

You should call the police.

Original poster
mummybear2918 · 17/09/2020 07:34

Yeah they must not have uploaded corrcetly. Hes just went to work this morning and before tried to speak to me morning about going to do shopping tonight etc

OP posts:
Original poster
mummybear2918 · 17/09/2020 07:36

Last night was the first my DD has cried over it and last night she woke up crying through the night easily abiut 20 times. She normal wakes up but never that much and she usually easily setteled but last night she really wasnt. Could it be because of what she saw

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/09/2020 07:36

Mummybear2918

His punching doors is an example of domestic violence. Abuse like this too thrives on secrecy, it is indeed to your credit that you have taken an initial step to writing about this on here. Please take heed of the responses you’ve had re calling Women’s Aid and or your local domestic violence support group.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. Your children cannot afford to grow up within such an unsafe home, their home is not their sanctuary either.

HoHoHolyCow · 17/09/2020 07:38

Please leave OP, and seek help to do so safely. Your husband is abusive and violent.

MsTSwift · 17/09/2020 07:39

He’s an animal! You have to leave. Anyway if your kids tell other adults your family may be investigated by SS

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/09/2020 07:39

And in answer to your recent post yes your daughter was and is being profoundly affected by what she is seeing within her home.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

You have a choice re this man, they do not. Your own recovery from his abuses of you all will only start when you are apart from him. Abuse like this too takes time, years even, to recover from.

Nannewnannew · 17/09/2020 07:39

You poor thing, please contact Women’s Aid this morning and leave this man, he is a danger to you and your children. He won’t change, and I speak from experience. You and your children deserve to be treated better than this.

Joistlooking · 17/09/2020 07:40

I agree with other posters. This man is violent and dangerous. I wouldn't want him anywhere near my children with a temper like that.
You need to get away from him. If he has a flare up again, before you have time to leave, call the police. Please know that, at at some point, it won't be the door or stair gate- it will be you or your DC and that could be the next time.
What if you end up in hospital after he has carried out his threats and your DC are alone with him. Children's behaviour can be challenging could you trust him with them if you are not there to protect them? Flowers

bearlyactive · 17/09/2020 07:42

@mummybear2918

Last night was the first my DD has cried over it and last night she woke up crying through the night easily abiut 20 times. She normal wakes up but never that much and she usually easily setteled but last night she really wasnt. Could it be because of what she saw
Of course it is. You poor thing OP, you've been involved in something no woman should ever have to go through Flowers

Now you need to leave. Next time, it could well be your DD that is behind the door, or your baby who is in the bouncer he was about to throw. Or it could be you in place of the door, and your DD will grow up living in fear that it will be her next.

Please contact Women's Aid, they will be able to help you take the first steps towards leaving.

category12 · 17/09/2020 07:44

The smashing things and angry displays are forms of domestic abuse. He's like a fucking chimpanzee dominating the household with temper.

You need to think about the children in terms of them growing up seeing domestic abuse and violence and how bad that is for them now, and for their future relationships.

As well as, you deserve better than this.

Speak to Women's Aid.

Swipe left for the next trending thread