Im at my wits end with my husband [content warning: concerns domestic abuse]

[mummybear2918]

We have been married for 3 years and have 2 young children. My husband works Monday to Friday which is fair enough be he does absolutely nothing with his children and doesn't help around the house. He doesn't play with them he rarely changes a nappy and has only gave our 5 months 2 bottles in his whole we life. He never bathed them and hes never put any of them to bed. When I mention it he gets angry and then twist it cause we are rarely have s*x as I'm just rushed off my feet everyday, he says I need to change and start having more us time and then when he sees me change he will which is ridiculous cause hes a dad.
His temper is a different story when we argue he doesnt like what I have to say he yells for me to shut up and if I don't her started punching and breaking things. Yesterday he punched about 4 wholes in my kitchen door while DD was watching and she started crying that same night she woke 20 crying. After the kitchen door he nearly ripped the stair gate off the wall and he lifted the babies bouncer as if he was going to throw it. When hes in this maddness of anger he says things like if I don't shut up he is going to punch the f*king life out of me or ripped my f*king throat out... I don't know what to do I've told him 10000 times he needs professional help but doesn't listen. We are homeowners and have the 2 children to think about but I keep thinking I need to leave this. What would you all do? Plus I don't have many friends to talk to about it my friends are his friends

Your daughter is scared by her father - one of the two people in this world who is supposed to keep her safe. Her home is also supposed to be a safe area for young kids, and suddenly both dad and home have gone from being safe to being terrifying and dangerous. No wonder she had trouble sleeping.

She's a child - she's powerless. She can't remove herself from this abusive man who's three times as big as her and strong enough to punch holes in doors. I would be scared in her situation.

She can't do anything about it. But you can. Your choices directly impact her. And you have a responsibility to protect her.

Your poor dd, she will be terrified living with a man like this. You need to protect her, and yourself and leave now. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, you know he is dangerous and violent. You have the photos.

Could you move in with a friend or a family member as a temporary measure?

OP you are asking about how to get a violent, out of control psychopath to be a better father....yeah, OK. You know the answer.

You need to leave, next t8me it might not be the door 😭.

Hi mummybear2918,

We can see that you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters but just wanted to add a link to our domestic violence support webguide as there are lots of organisations listed which can give you some real life help.

A really good starting point would be the Freedom Programme - we know it's helped many MNers over the years so please click on the link.

Take care

Leave him OP, you and your DC deserve more.

Leave. The only one who won't be happier is him. He will never change and you and the kids deserve better

Please leave him

First OP if your friends are all mutual, please don't confide in them about this in case it gets back to him.

You need professional help. You can call the National Helpline: 0808 2000 247 or look for your local DV organisation by doing an online search for 'Domestic Abuse Help Clapham' or wherever you live. Your council website will also have DV orgs listed.

Next time he kicks off, dial 999. Work out an emergency route out of the house if he does become physically aggressive and try to assault you. His behaviour is escalating OP, so he will eventually go for you. Keep arguments away from the kitchen and do not get trapped in somewhere like the bathroom, lots of hard surfaces and nowhere to go if he gets in. Pack a grab bag of stuff for you and the baby.

If you can't phone then you can live chat the national helpline, you can email a local org or you can go to a pharmacy like the Morrisons pharmacy, Superdrug, Boots and ask for the consultation room where you can use their phone to contact DV organisations.

Next time there is an outburst, you need to dial 999 and get the police involved. Download the Brightsky app where you can record audio and video and start to document his behaviour.

Once the police have arrested him and hopefully, taken him away, dial: 0800 970 2070 (Press Option 1) this is a 24hr number, so any time of day of night. It's the number for the NCDV who can advise on a Non Molestation Order to keep him away from you and an Occupation Order to keep him out of the house.