I think I have been lovebombed and I am in shock

[Condasend]

I am starting this thread as hopefully a source of support while I recover my sense of self or maybe a warning to others. I'll probably just get roasted.

I met a man on Tinder. It moved so fast. He told me he loved me after a week and I thought I felt the same. We spoke about getting married. I honestly thought this was it

He started finding reasons to come to the house while my children where here to do jobs, put up shelves, fix things.I had said from the start that I wanted to take it slowly. I had introduced him as my friend.

On Thursday, he had been here every evening this week and most of the week before.I had become uncomfortable and tried to bring this up with him. He left and is refusing to speak to me. I have had 2 messages accusing me of playing games and being selfish.

The times we had together were magical. I thought I had fallen in love and we would be together for ever.

@TorkTorkBam

Looking back can you see how and when you could have done something different?

I think this is so important.

I know I've mentioned the shark cage a number of times on this thread - have you had a chance to google the analogy yet OP? It's so vital especially considering you have children.

@MoonSauce

At one of the lowest points in my life, when I had not long been separated, and then had a late missed miscarriage, I met a 'stroker'. He did this to me too. It was over in six weeks, once he had made sure I absolutely needed him. I was out one day and when I returned, he had taken all his items from my home (hadn't even realised how much had accumulated there) and left me a callous note on my whiteboard. I feel so absolute pieces and had a full breakdown. It was the icing on a very broken cake.

I've been as careful as possible since, but went on to have three very abusive relationships with dv and sexual abuse after. Luckily, I've been able to work out my pattern and why I make myself available to the wrong men.

You've done the right thing by blocking. He's not right in the head.

Did you not call the police?

Faults on all sides here when he told you after a week he loved you it sounds like you told him you loved him too. I don’t understand how this ties with taking it slowly or inviting him to your home?

Just to say

A) we can get duped so easily
B) thank you for sharing stories as I hope many of us learn from this thread

It is scary out there with men like this !!!

That's twice now someone has said you must have an argument before you let someone into your life.

No. Just no.

I've very very rarely argued with a partner. The one I did argue with was the abusive one.
Never argued with my husband of 30 years either. So no - you don't have to wait until you've had an argument. Some people just have other (better?) ways of resolving conflict.

Have to agree with pp, not really sure what there would be to argue about just six months into a relationship tbh.

He had plans for you, your home and/or your family and you knocked it on the head. So he went off in a strop. Good. Ignore him back

I get it because the same thing happened to me. Well, the love bombing part of it. I was completely swept away and believed every word.

You are lucky that it was only 5 weeks until he showed his true colours and YOU are strong for asking for the space as these men are abusive and get into your head.

I got over the experience when I realised that everything I believed about him wasn't real. He never had loved me, he never had wanted to marry me and he was not the man he presented himself as.

I know it sounds ridiculous to anyone who hasn't been in the situation, but when I was in my relationship my friends and family were so happy for me that I'd met someone who loved me so much! My mum didn't want me to end it, she couldn't understand what I was telling her.

Read up on it, as much as you can. Make yourself and your children the centre of your life. It's a learning experience, a horrible one, but still a learning experience, and you will be more than ok 👌

The most scary thing about this whole situation is that you went along with. You're so fortunate he didnt turn out to be a proper psycho. Please re evaluate before you start dating again, for your own safety.

Well
Done for recognising it OP. You’ve put in your boundaries and created some accountability on this thread. You’ve stopped this before damage could be done and you’ve learnt now.

Change your locks, phone numbers and e mail addresses ASAP. You had a lucky escape. My friend married her lovebomber and had to give him half her house when they divorced although he brought nothing to the marriage. He then spent every penny on cars, gambling, wine, holidays, and women. Then sought his next wife.

I'm not sure I agree with the idea you have to have an argument either.

I do think it's important to see what happens when you disagree or have a difference of opinion.

It very clearly happened to me. I was tired and wasn't in the mood for him to come round but he insisted. Whilst he was here I dozed off and he stropped off. He had MH problems and it was always a worry that he'd do something stupid if he didn't get his own way.

He too did lovebombing and future faking. It was so enchanting. Until it wasn't. It was exhausting not having my needs met.

I never thought I would fall for this crap either. He also tried to ingratiate himself into my life way too quickly.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing eh?

I took argument to mean disagreement.

It would be a very very unusual relationship in which one found nothing to disagree about. It is important to know how you both handle disagreeing.

@trixiebelden77

I took argument to mean disagreement.

It would be a very very unusual relationship in which one found nothing to disagree about. It is important to know how you both handle disagreeing.

So did I.

I took it to simply saying No to an arrangement etc.

Some women don't like saying No and avoid doing so.

You learn a lot by saying No

Future faking

Thank you to the pp who mentioned this

It has happened to me way too many times

Thankfully I was able to run from. Few of them

The last one put his claws in but did manage to break free after attempt 25