Husband Webcam hell!

[Mama2Cubs]

Hi all

I’m having a terrible time with my husband at the moment and I can’t find any threads anywhere that mirror my situation. I’m just wondering if this is one of the most absurd things you have ever heard...

So a while back I discovered my husband using WebCam Girls and he told me that he had done it a couple of times and couldn’t explain why. I tried to forgive him and move past it only to discover that he has actually had a year long online affair with one of them. Telling her he loves her and that they are soulmates. He has spent £100s (if not £1000s!) on WebCam sessions and gifts that he has been sending to her. He has also taken out a £10k loan to ‘buy nice things’- or pay for webcams as I expect! He says the affair moved away from the paid webcam sessions some months ago (he even treated himself to a pay as you go phone especially for it!) but he has continued to reward her with gifts. He has kept me in the dark about our financial position and as a SAHM I trusted him explicitly in looking after our families best interests. I have also discovered he has been looking at very extreme porn. He has now left us to live at his parents house and continue this online affair, he has told me that he will do me the kindness of letting me know if it progresses to a real life relationship. He has lied to me constantly for months, gaslighting me when I had suspicions something was going on. The manipulations and emotional abuse is never ending.

I think I’m looking for some reassurance that it is a good thing we aren’t together anymore. It is just hard as we have been together since we were so young and have small children. It’s all come as such a shock!

Thanks for reading! X

He's such a fool it's embarrassing, isn't it?

"he has told me that he will do me the kindness of letting me know if it progresses to a real life relationship."

Did you tell him that you weren't interested/didn't care?

Haha she doesn't want him, she wants his money. You have done the right thing!!!

Is he having some kind of breakdown if this is out of character? Surely no man thinks the Webcam girls fall in love with them?

Glad you've told people IRL and hopefully the embarrassment of him will stop you ever taking him back when his new "relationship" doesn't work out. Has he even met her???
Awful to have your life changed so radically but best to find out now what a ridiculous person you married and it is 100% a good thing that he is no longer your problem. A 10K loan!!

for you. I divorced exH for this, still too embarassed to tell most people, they think I ran off with someone else.
I still can't reconcile my exH with the man who literally wanked away thousands of pounds. Its gross. I forgave him when I first found out 5 years ago and feel a total mug now because he didn't stop.

@TwentyViginti

Be assured, it is a very good thing you aren't together any more.

Make sure you get legal advice regarding his financial input for his DC before he spunks all his money on his cam crush.

Don't hide the reason for the split. You need the support of family and friends.

This!!!

Mine did it, said he had stopped - I will never know either way as his next move was an affair in the real world!!!

Apparently I was too insecure and needy ......... no shit sherlock!

he has told me that he will do me the kindness of letting me know if it progresses to a real life relationship

It will never be a relationship. It's a series of transactions. Perhaps if he offers her enough money she may consider selling him sex.

And he will do you the "kindness" of informing you?! Fuck that! Wish him a very happy future with his favourite sex worker, and see a solicitor about starting the divorce.

He'll get a wank, while she makes bank...

He's probably one of several fools.

It's a great thing you're not together anymore - this is someone who is happy to cheat on his wife and would rather his children went without so he can give money to an online hooker.

I know it's hard when he's all you've ever known but you and the children deserve so much more.

Lawyer up and get this dumbass out of your life.

I wish you all the best for your new brighter future.

Just wanted to say that you have nothing to be ashamed of, so don’t protect him by concealing the reason he’s gone.

How do his parents feel about him moving back in with them to enjoy his online fake relationship? I hope they’re giving him a hard time.

Also, stay strong when he realises that the webcam woman isn’t really his girlfriend and he comes crawling back.

Does he realise this young lady is running a business and probably has other lucrative clients. He is paying her for all the contact time he has with her, as in no money - zero contact.

Last week a girl posted about making £22 000 in one day on her onlyfans account. I didn't believe it, but your husband makes it clear exactly how these girls make so money. So many silly infatuated men willing to risk their families and finances for nothing.

Be prepared for him to come crawling back when his money runs out and the web cam girl moves onto the next delusional male. Please make sure as previous posters have said that you protect your finances as you are equally liable for any debt that he accrues at the moment. You deserve more than this .

He is deluded.

I have a friend whose husband started spending loads of money on real life women.

The only thing to do was to get straight to the solicitor and sort out a divorce and financial settlement whilst there was still a roof over her and the children's heads.

She found it tough because she was still in love and had not had time to come to terms with it, but the children had to come first (and that includes looking after yourself properly as they need you all the more).

He will crawl back. Don't let him in. He will only do it again. 😕

By extreme pornography do you mean illegal? If so REPORT HIM. And keep him well away from the kids.

Aside from that, it’s one of those situations where the punishment is beautifully inbuilt into the situation as he is 100% being used for cash, and deservedly so.

Wow...he’s an absolute prince! You are definitely better off without him. His mum and his “new lady” can look after him 🙄

Do you have access to money and financial documents?

If you’ve got a joint savings account, transfer half of whatever is in it into a separate account only you can access. Don’t spend any of it, just make sure your “d”h can’t spunk it on his camgirl. Start gathering bank statements, mortgage documents, his payslips and pension statements. You need to know what the position is now because he is likely to go crazy and start spending even more. Are you on the title deeds? If not, you can have your interest noted against the title so he can’t sell without you’re consent.

As other pps have said, he is not going to end up in a relationship with this lady. She’s just doing her job! He has broken your trust and is not a nice person, regardless of what mummy dearest says. Nice people don’t cheat on their wives and children nor do they spend family money on camgirls or watch extreme porn. He’s a bawbag!

Yes op take stock of your finances now.
He is a mug but if he can't see that he is being taken for one them more fool him.
Protect yourself op, he may try and co n e crawling back once he is skint.Then he will steal your money to start up again on his fantasy.
Seek legal advice straight away.

I’ve just looked up extreme porn. Vile acts and illegal. You are so well rid of him. He’s taking a dangerous path toward complete self destruct. In a few years time, you will look back and wonder why it took so long to get rid of him.

It’s a good thing you aren’t together. Even though he has caused you pain in finding out.
Protect yourself financially as much as possible.
She is doing it for the money/gifts. His behaviour is absurd. I’m sure his parents know this but are supporting him anyway, don’t rely on them for anything.

Trust me OP, she is taking his money and laughing at him, she probably posts on reddit cam girls sub reddits mocking him.
How old is he?
Bet she cant wait to go round to his mum and dads house to his old teenage bedroom
What an absolute fucking idiot of a man.
And don't hold your breath waiting for him to inform you of his real life relationship, it's not happening.
Sex workers and can girls either feel disgust or pity for these pathetic individuals.

Does he think hes Richard Gere and shes his Julia Robert's 😂😂😂😂😂

If they're married I think it's bloody OP's debt as well

I thought it was not if op's name is not in it; bug maybe someone more knowledgeable can chime in.

OP didn't sign the credit agreement he did, so he alone is liable.

If he does refuse to pay I'm sure they can tap into joing assets though.

@Lolapusht

Wow...he’s an absolute prince! You are definitely better off without him. His mum and his “new lady” can look after him 🙄

Do you have access to money and financial documents?

If you’ve got a joint savings account, transfer half of whatever is in it into a separate account only you can access. Don’t spend any of it, just make sure your “d”h can’t spunk it on his camgirl. Start gathering bank statements, mortgage documents, his payslips and pension statements. You need to know what the position is now because he is likely to go crazy and start spending even more. Are you on the title deeds? If not, you can have your interest noted against the title so he can’t sell without you’re consent.

As other pps have said, he is not going to end up in a relationship with this lady. She’s just doing her job! He has broken your trust and is not a nice person, regardless of what mummy dearest says. Nice people don’t cheat on their wives and children nor do they spend family money on camgirls or watch extreme porn. He’s a bawbag!

^^ This X 1000.

Right now the most important thing you can do for your children is to safeguard your (and their) financial well-being. Right now that waste of space is blowing through your JOINT assets on porn and a fantasy girl. Is that where you want your children's future security to go?

Do as Lola says and move half the money from any accounts you have access to. Not to spend, but to safeguard from him squandering it. Get financial records to show how much was in the accounts prior to your separation to prove that what you have moved is a fair share.

Do you know how much it costs to run your household? You need to become familiar with that because it will affect your ability to made decisions about the future.

Above all, see a solicitor NOW NOW NOW. Beg, borrow, or steal the money if you must. But just as you would see a Dr if you discovered a lump in your breast (God forbid) it is just as imperative to see a solicitor to advise you on your financial and legal 'health'. Getting legal advice doesn't mean you have to file papers, just as seeing a doctor doesn't mean you must consent to surgery. It just means educating yourself as to your options.

OP I'm 55 but I still never cease to be amazed by how cruel, selfish and vile men can be.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your children. You must be bewildered by it all. When the shock subsides a little please make an appointment with a solicitor. This man isn't who you thought he was. Difficult to accept but true.
You will thrive without him and his grubby ways. You children will thank you for it one-day. Its time to get tough and show him no mercy. Let his dumbass parents look after him. If he was my son I wouldn't even be able to look at him. He is an utter disgrace.

You've definitely done the right thing
He is deluded to a very worrying degree, and has been completely disrespectful towards you.