Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Worst Weekend Ever (bloody mobile phones)

170 replies

Amanda1 · 18/10/2004 08:26

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 18/10/2004 08:33

Message withdrawn

Yorkiegirl · 18/10/2004 08:45

Message withdrawn

pixiefish · 18/10/2004 08:54

poor poor you- what a bar steward eh... some men are just born tw@ts.
Better you find out now what he's like though-

lulupop · 18/10/2004 09:07

What an absolute (fill in blanks as you wish!)! You poor thing. YOu must feel absokutely awful, and I bet you're drained after a weekend of tears as well. I know it doesn't make it any easier for you, but you really are better off without him. To do something like that is unforgivable. I think a strong relationship can overcome infidelity if both parties want to, and if the infidelity was a one-off, or short lived thing with recognisable causes leading up to it. But to carry on with 2 women at the same time, telling you both he was with you and you only, and then to lie when confronted with the truth... this man must have no self-respect, never mind respect for you.

Leave him to his pathetic games and move on. There are plenty of lovely men out there who DESERVE you - don't waste your time on this loser.

pixiefish · 18/10/2004 09:09

hear hear lulupop

Original poster
Amanda1 · 18/10/2004 09:17

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 18/10/2004 09:21

Message withdrawn

pixiefish · 18/10/2004 09:21

You will get over him- it may take time but you Will come through this

jojo38 · 18/10/2004 09:22

{{{{Hugs}}}} Poor hun, I am sending hugs for you. My ex did this to me. I found a voice message on his phone. Denial denial denial. Thats all these men know what to do when in this situation.
I am so sorry... {{{{more hugs}}}}

anorak · 18/10/2004 09:23

Amanda, I'm so sorry you have had this huge shock and disappointment. Some couples do patch up after such things, I don't know if I would. It's the deceit more than anything that would get to me, I would never feel sure I could trust him again. I think you have to trust your gut instincts about things like this, at first, anyway. You most definitely need time to think about it.

How he responds now makes all the difference too. Not just being sorry, swearing it will never happen again, etc, but real conversations that go deeper than before, a real search for the reasons he has behaved this way and his truly desiring to change his behaviour. Simply apologising and fluffing isn't enough.

Whatever happens and whatever you decide to do make sure that you don't settle for being treated disrespectfully.

Support is here on mumsnet in spades, as I'm sure you know xxx

Original poster
Amanda1 · 18/10/2004 09:24

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
spikeycat · 18/10/2004 09:26

you poor thing - what a turd he is.... The reason he did it is because he thought he could get away with it!

As for the other girl not knowing about you, why did she text "I'm not stupid, I know why you're avoiding me today"? I think she knew????

SpringChicken · 18/10/2004 09:26

Easier said than done when you are outside of the situation but LEAVE HIM! He sounds like a complete arsehole and i honestly believe anyone who does this once can do it again.

As someone has already said, it's not as if it was just a one night stand - it's been going on for months!

Sorry Amanda - know you probably don't want to hear this - you probably want us all to say, it's OK, he wont do it again..............Sorry.
Really hope you get over this soon x

JanH · 18/10/2004 09:27

Amanda, I'm so sorry to hear this, I remember your thread about Christmas and how much you were wanting to spend the time with him. Have no advice to offer, just huge sympathy and hugs. XXX

Hulababy · 18/10/2004 09:28

(((hugs))) What a horrible situation for you; No advice but I am sure there are lots of people on here who can offer some great advice and support further.

jojo38 · 18/10/2004 09:44

I do agree with springchicken hun, you will never trust him again. You have to make that choice for yourself. I went thro similar feelings... I tried so hard but it just didn't happen for me. It might for you but for any relationship, there has to be trust... even here on MN... we trust to open our hearts to others we have never met. I am so so sorry hun. What ever you choose to do, I can tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't go kicking yourself either. It's not your fault.
{{{{HUGS}}}}}

sleeplessmumof2 · 18/10/2004 10:16

Also have to agree with springchicken do you really think it is possible to trust this man again? And if he knows he can get away with it once isnt it possbile that he may feel able to do it again??? Sending you big big hugs ((((()))))and strength to get you through this, which ever way you choose !!!!!

Original poster
Amanda1 · 18/10/2004 12:29

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 18/10/2004 12:51

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Amanda1 · 18/10/2004 12:58

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Twinkie · 18/10/2004 13:00

Agree with G - I would just walk away - it seems as though he doesn't know what he wants and is just lying to keep you both sweet - I know its no consolation but better you found out now than when you had upped and moved down there!!

Thomcat · 18/10/2004 13:05

How awful, oh you poor thing.
You say 'bloody mobile phones', well I think actually they have done you a favour babes.
If it's you he wants then why is he still lying and denying sleeping with you? As painful as all this is you've been saved from a man that can carry on a doubler life and lie to your face. I'm so sorry you are going through this and found out in such a horrid way.

ggglimpopo · 18/10/2004 13:06

Message withdrawn

pixiefish · 18/10/2004 13:13

This boils down to trust- you can no longer trust him for obvious reasons- you can't really trust what she says- for obvious reasons- SHE may be stupid enough to want him back- she probably did know about you- she's lying to you now to turn you against him even more so she can have him... don't trust either of them and certainly don't waste your energy travelling to see him... he's a waste of space... seems to me he knew he was onto a good thing with both of you in tow- living 200 miles apart so you'd never meet...he'll do it again and again... believe me- my 1st h did this to me for years- always the promises and he always broke them... he even got his present wife pg while married to me... no doubt he's cheating on her now as well... but that's another story...
so sorry your dd will be upset- can you present it to her in a positive way- that you won't be going to stay in Leeds any more... that you'll have loads more time for her... that he wasn't special enough... etc

carla · 18/10/2004 13:13

Amanda, you poor, poor thing. No advice, I'm afraid, but wanted to tell you that a similar thing happened to me in my twenties. I had him back (against my better judgement). The lies and deceipt continued, and he ended up marrying 'her'. At the time I just couldn'ts believe how anyone could possibly stoop so low - now I know that some men just don't want to put all their eggs in one basked. Needless to say, they were divorced shortly thereafter. I think in your heart of hearts you know what we're all trying to say to you. BIG, BIG hugs - you and dd deserve better than that.XXXX