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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your dh said this...

47 replies

Gatheringlilac85 · 08/09/2020 19:28

What would you do?
There have been quite a few other smallish things that have not been great but at the weekend dh watched ds (12 and dyspraxic) running and said ‘he still runs like a spastic.’
Ds didn’t hear. It wasn’t said to him. But for so many reasons it makes me deeply unhappy and uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 08/09/2020 19:30

I'd be furious and take his attitude towards his son as a sign that he's a shitty person, probably not someone I'd want around. What a horrible thing to say, I'm so sorry OP.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/09/2020 19:31

Is he his father?

I’d tell him to have a fucking word with himself and stop using disgusting language and criticising your child. What a twat.

AnotherBoredOne · 08/09/2020 19:34

Sorry that's terrible. What did you say?

Original poster
Gatheringlilac85 · 08/09/2020 19:34

Yes, he is ds’s dad.
I told him it was unkind on many levels but I don’t think he gets it.
I feel it is indicative of his overall attitude towards ds. Ds didn’t hear but if he knew his dad had said it he’d be very hurt.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 08/09/2020 19:37

O would have told him to get a fuckimg grip of himself and think about the words he used. I would also have told him if he said anything like that again he could get to fuck.

Itsrainingnotmen · 08/09/2020 19:38

You talk like an utter bastard....
Reply for next time..
There will be one..
What a twat.

Original poster
Gatheringlilac85 · 08/09/2020 19:39

Yeah I didn’t like the use of the word ‘spastic’ anyway - if he’d used it even unrelated to ds.

I suppose what I’m asking is - it’s not normal for parents to speak this way about their children, is it?

OP posts:
Babysharksmom · 08/09/2020 19:40

So hurtful.
I'd be telling my husband to cop the fuck on

newnameforthis123 · 08/09/2020 19:42

He sounds fucking horrible.

Do you think it's healthy for your son to live full time with someone with such disdain for him, even if he is his father?

I would rather separate and parent in a loving, supportive, nurturing environment 50% of the time (though let's be honest men like him never actually want 50/50) than risk him overheating shit like that 100% of the time. Or just being around him even if he doesn't hear.

Doesn't he make your skin crawl talking like that? Let about your own son?!

tenlittlecygnets · 08/09/2020 19:43

Horrible language. And about his own son? I’d come down on my dc like a ton of bricks if they said that - but they know better.

I’d find it very hard to be with someone who used language like that...

Notapheasantplucker · 08/09/2020 19:43

No, it's absolutely not normal for parents to speak about their kids like this, or anyone for that matter.

knowsmorethansnow · 08/09/2020 19:44

No it's not normal. It is how horrible bullies talk about the people they pick on.

Original poster
Gatheringlilac85 · 08/09/2020 19:44

Yes. I want to leave. I just need to be galvanised because I’m overwhelmed and covid isnt helping.

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 08/09/2020 19:46

Spastic and retarded are terrible words. I actually shudder when I hear them, which thankfully is not often.

I hope you tell him to never use those words again. The damage to your son had he heard could have scarred him for life. Absolutely disgusting thing to say about anyone, let alone his own child

RandomMess · 08/09/2020 19:47

How awful SadAngry

We sometimes have a little hearted giggle at DDs dyspraxia mishaps - folding the tent etc but it's very much with her whilst offering to help.

bloodywhitecat · 08/09/2020 19:51

I'd be beyond livid, I think it would make me seriously consider the relationship.

SadSack39 · 08/09/2020 20:02

@Windmillwhirl

They are medical terms though.. just saying

thedancingbear · 08/09/2020 20:05

Why don’t you piss off back to 1917, SadSack39?

bloodywhitecat · 08/09/2020 20:05

I can't remember the last time I heard either of those words used in the medical profession.

newnameforthis123 · 08/09/2020 20:08

[quote SadSack39]@Windmillwhirl

They are medical terms though.. just saying[/quote]
You genuinely think someone saying "he runs like a spastic" isn't dripping in nastiness but is in fact usage of a medical term? Or that a school kid calling another kid a "retard" is not bullying, they are simply using terms that are still used in medical papers? Really? Context is everything to an extent and in the context described by OP, her partner sounds like an a cunt.

mbosnz · 08/09/2020 20:10

I'd be thinking, DS might be having trouble running like a fucking athlete, but you my man, are hard of thinking, and hard of heart, and I find you to be a total waste of oxygen and time.

willowmelangell · 08/09/2020 20:11

Dear God! The Spastic Society changed its name as it said it was a term of abuse. This was 1994.

Ullupullu · 08/09/2020 20:12

No one decent still uses that word any more.

No decent parent uses that insult towards their kids.

Windmillwhirl · 08/09/2020 20:14

Spastic is not a medical term. Dear Lord.

carly2803 · 08/09/2020 20:24

i would absolutely end the relationship - sorry but thats unforgivable

thank god yous son did not hear that