If your dh said this...

[Gatheringlilac85]

What would you do?
There have been quite a few other smallish things that have not been great but at the weekend dh watched ds (12 and dyspraxic) running and said ‘he still runs like a spastic.’
Ds didn’t hear. It wasn’t said to him. But for so many reasons it makes me deeply unhappy and uncomfortable.

I used to be a kids sports coach. Its unfortunately more common than you think for a certain type of father to speak about their sons sporting ability in such a nasty way.

I'm betting your dh is one of these types. I'd have a serious think about whether you want to stay with him.

@SadSack39 you are an idiot.

It did used to be used, my sister has cerebral palsy and when she was growing up there was The Spastics Society which ran schools and holidays etc
When children I taught used the term in an unsympathetic way I used to pick them up on it and explain what it meant . Is he aware of what it means ?

Just because it was used once, doesn't mean it hasn't turned into a derogatory term.

It's bad enough hearing this used as a throwaway jibe, but a father using it about his own son? Nope

I think it’s a derogatory word and I am certain dh meant it as such.

I guess my question to H would be, 'how would you feel if you overheard your father speaking about you in such a way?'

He is an unfeeling bastard. I hope you are able to leave him soon. I'm sorry you and your DC have to be near this vile piece of shit.

@NancyPickford

It is used even today by doctors luv.. i am used to hearing it all the time .. obviously some idiots use it in a derogatory way but you can hear it every day in a hospital

SadSack39 ...absolutely true. I work in critical care so I don't hear it on our unit but elsewhere its pretty common.

Absolutely not a normal, healthy or loving way to talk about your child.

We used this as a form of insult in primary school forty years ago. Then we grew up.

Is your DH unaware of that the word is taboo these days? Outside of hospitals at least? I know a small rural place and some people who live there, particularly older people, still use words that the rest of the world stopped using in 1985. I’m sure younger generations probably use them too if comfortable with their audience.

I would feel both hurt and ashamed if DH called his child that. The language used is only concern. More worrying is his possible non acceptance of his son’s limitations.

we used to use it as an insult in school-i think its terrible to sqay that about your own child

@Gatheringlilac85 He's rough and callous, glad you're considerin leaving hiim.

It is used even today by doctors luv.. i am used to hearing it all the time .. obviously some idiots use it in a derogatory way but you can hear it every day in a hospital

@SadSack39 You would never hear doctors refer to a person as 'a spastic.' That is solely a term of abuse now. They might refer to a muscle or something as spastic (i.e. in spasm) but not a human. And they don't use it to refer to a whole person with cerebral palsy, which is what the slang refers to.

If you hear a medical professional refer to a person as 'a spastic,' then you should report it.

I understand its a medical term within certain settings but that has zero relevance to Ops situation. She knows her DH none of us do. If she says he was being derogative than he was. And given how loaded that term is now I can't see anyone saying it outside of medical settings and meaning it as a medical term.

OP I personally don't think I could ever forgive that, because it's indicative of how he views his child. If I overheard your DH say that, even without knowing it was directed at his son, I would think he was bigoted and not nice at all.

@VesperLynne I doubt you've heard them call a person a spastic. They use it to refer to a muscle's tone etc. As I said to PP, if you hear anyone at work call a person 'a spastic,' report.

Let's not argue about a word, the real issue is the man's attitude to his son. Yes the word itself is an aggravating factor, but focus on the attitude.
He watched his own son running and that was what popped to mind, something negative. Maybe he thought it was endearing in some weird way. But either way the op needs to discuss it.

Any decent father would feel an overwhelming urge to protect their child with a disability from any nastiness at all — not be the one dishing it— Sorry OP , he is an arse!

What a vile thing to say about his own son!

I know men can sometimes talk like this to each other but I would never expect to hear it coming out of fathers mouth towards his child.

My son has spastic type of cerebral palsy and if I had heard that I'd have torn his hide off. My son had a stroke in NICU and now severely disabled so you can tell your husband to FUCK OFF in my eyes my son is perfect and sweet and loving so far from the man who fathered your children

Your not so d H talks like an asshole.

He could have at least used the word “scope” instead.

my stepfather used to call me a fucktard because of my dyslexia (still does sometimes). It's hurtful but my mum never says anything to him, so it's not worth the hassle of speaking up to him. He never gives it a rest until he gets the last word. dh would be black and blue if he said anything like that about my kid