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Original poster

Just found a fabswingers message on husband’s watch

89 replies

MilkshakeMonkey · 05/09/2020 09:15

Ok, shouldn’t have looked, but I did - so shoot me if you wish!

Message started with him messaging swing to a 70 number. It then replied saying he was charged £5 for the text, gave him a pin code to enter on fabswingers.com (I’m guessing this isn’t a childrens playground site!) to complete the upgrade.
All done while I was at work.

I am naive and stupid-is this a hook up site or porn? And before you ask, yes he has done online flirting before (ages ago) and promised it would never happen again.

WTF now? Am waiting for some test results which could be life changing. Also we have children.

OP posts:
downwardspiral1 · 05/09/2020 16:39

Yes

Bence69 · 05/09/2020 16:48

I am a member of this site & it’s full of married men on there who’s wife don’t have a clue. Most people don’t meet its more messaging back & forth. Looking at the pics & videos x

downwardspiral1 · 05/09/2020 17:38

I did not mean to type the “yes” above Confused. Just noticed it now, sorry.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 05/09/2020 18:00

I used to be a member of this site. I didn't meet up with anyone although it would have been easy enough. It was some years ago but you had to be verified to arrange meet-ups, which from memory involved both of you (we were a couple and I was pathetically trying to be "cool girlfriend") holding up a sign and taking a photograph.

Someone could claim to be "curious" just being a member - I'd want more proof, such as messages.

But to a PP, nothing grim or awful among consenting adults if nobody is being deceived.

SortingItOut · 05/09/2020 18:25

I'm a member on Fab and I'm happy to view his profile or message if you want me to.

Its not a grim site at all, its a place for people to meet other likeminded people for sex and swinging.

There are lots of married men on there pretending to be single but there are also a lot of single men looking for one offs or a casual sex thing.
Obviously there are couples on there looking for swinging partners.

I cannot see any valid reason for your husband to join that wouldnt harm your marriage.
If he wants porn then there are plenty of free sites.

He will have paid £5 so he can send more messages, be able to see who viewed him, see more than a few pages on the search etc

nosswith · 05/09/2020 18:39

After reading the other day about Covid 19 being spread in a south of France resort because of swingers, I'd be very concerned. In addition to the morality of it.

Chachacha90 · 05/09/2020 18:45

The site shouldnt be grim, but unfortunately the immoral ones on there often add that element. Unfortunately OP, you know your other half is being unfaithful just by doing this.
he will say he was just looking, but hes paying the premium now. He wanted more from it.

sunnydays78 · 05/09/2020 19:09

Hi op there’s a lot of guys on there looking for pictures and some naughty chat others want to meet up for sex. Lots of married men wanting to call you or video chat, lots of single ones too. The fact he’s paid for it doesn’t bode well. You have limited messages if you don’t pay. Keep an eye on it you can see how often he’s on there and for how long.

Glitteris · 05/09/2020 19:54

@MilkshakeMonkey you can trap him if you want it won't be hard.
They are so desperate on there he won't think it's you. Most people have dp on there.

I found my exdp on there too. So i know.

Just don't reply to often as women get so many men dm them that you rarely reply to guys. Also you can act as if your new and don't know what too so need a strong man to help.

I feel so gross writing all that but hope it helps

NC4todayx · 05/09/2020 23:40

My DH and I are swingers, so yes, we are on there. If that's "grim" to some then so be it. I find a lot of the pictures classless and gross as well if it's any consolation to the tender minded here. Grin

Anyways, it's called an open marriage and it works for us. A lot of women are in an "open marriage" - they just don't know it because their "D"H has neglected to enlighten them of the fact.

PS. We don't shag everything that moves. Not by a long shot.

minimagician · 05/09/2020 23:53

A lot of women are in an "open marriage" - they just don't know it because their "D"H has neglected to enlighten them of the fact.

Surely you don't inform someone they're in an open marriage/ anyway. You discuss it and set up agreements for the mutually agreed boundaries!

NC4todayx · 06/09/2020 00:14

That's true mini. I was being facetious.

Original poster
MilkshakeMonkey · 06/09/2020 08:05

Woken up full of confusion. Is it ok if he has just looked but not touched? Or spoken to anyone?
Do I face this now or wait until after my test results? If they come back bad (which would mean surrendering my driving licence and probably loosing my job), do I want to be reliant on a cheating scumbag? Or do I be reliant on said scum bag because of the children?

OP posts:
yesterdayisgone · 06/09/2020 08:22

You need to Message him on a fabswingers profile and find out what he’s after or take up the offer of Mumsnetters on the site to message him and see how far he will take it .
Paying for membership is concerning ,Im on fabswingers as part of a couple if I can help

NC4todayx · 06/09/2020 08:25

Firstly, you are in the driving seat on this. Keep your powder dry. ANY decision you make needs to be for the well being of yourself and your DC. Also don't feel pushed to make any decision at all at the moment! Take it slow and carefully. Gather your info first - that includes financial information, speak to a lawyer, talk to real life people. Someone else with better advice will come along soon I'm sure. Sending you hugs this morning.

Buggedandconfused · 06/09/2020 08:27

@MilkshakeMonkey it depends - the trust is gone now surely? Can you deal with that? Has he got any verifications on his Fab profile? It should say how long he has been a member too. It’s very doubtful he has just been looking, there are plenty of sites for that. I would be tempted to confront him & ask for a trial separation. Are you not tempted to take up an offer from many on here to contact him?

SortingItOut · 06/09/2020 08:29

@MilkshakeMonkey
Only you know what your boundaries are and whats acceptable.

Also consider if you did the same whst his reaction would be.

Most men are happy to 'cheat' but wouldnt want their partners doing the same.

Also if your test results arent great why would you want to waste any more years on him, surely you want to enjoy the rest of your life,not worrying about what he is up to.

My ex husband had loads of emotional affairs over our 17 year marriage, he never touched and i brushed it all under the carpet for the sake of his mental health but you know what, it ground me down so much, i felt i wasnt good enough, my self esteem and confidence were rock bottom.

Finally i made him leave and it was like a weight was lifted, i have an amazing life now and loads of self confidence.

The reason i joined Fab was because i never wanted a relationship again but loved sex and it was the easiest way to get it.

SoulofanAggron · 06/09/2020 09:58

I used to be on Fab, I never used it for anything except arranging hook ups, and have not heard of anyone else using it just to look at photos or something as PP's describe. But then, I just don't do the whole cam thing.

You don't have to pay any money to use the bulk of the site I don't think, arrange to meet people etc, so it's surprising to me that he has.

Definitely find out more, see what he has on his profile etc, get proof.

fantasmasgoria1 · 06/09/2020 10:12

The very fact that he has signed up to it whether he's just looking or not would be it for me. I'm sorry.

downwardspiral1 · 06/09/2020 10:14

Yes me too - I would be preparing my divorce.

Chachacha90 · 06/09/2020 16:34

Woken up full of confusion. Is it ok if he has just looked but not touched?
Honestly Fab isnt for that. And sure, he may tell you that. You would be extremely wise not to believe it.

YouJustDoYou · 06/09/2020 16:39

Is it ok for YOU if he's supposedly looked but not touched?

newnameforthis123 · 06/09/2020 16:47

Woken up full of confusion. Is it ok if he has just looked but not touched?

I don't get why you're asking that in that way. All that matters is if it's ok with you.

For me it would be a dealbreaker. I would be gone. For others it wouldn't. If my DP kissed a random in a club I would be gone. For others they wouldn't care that much.

We all have different boundaries based on individual relationship dynamics and experience. For example I've been cheated on by a long term ex partner and so my tolerance for cheating is black and white because i know I personally can't come back from it, it changes things too much.

Personally I would consider what your DP has done as him actively wanting to cheat on you. Seeking it out. Grim.

But what matters is what is ok with you. So is it?

lotsolove · 06/09/2020 16:54

You both seem to be spending more time on line chatting to strangers than talking to each other. Talk to your husband about it.

CandyLeBonBon · 06/09/2020 17:04

Well that was a spectacularly snotty response there @lotsolove. Congratulations on being so superior. Have a 🥇