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Original poster

Ok why is this guy still texting me

108 replies

Abby85 · 02/09/2020 07:35

We broke up a long time ago and it ended badly I was so upset. I broke up with him because he was being a selfish dick and he accepted it straight away and didn’t seem upset about it or sorry. Blocked deleted moved on I have since met a new guy who is so much nicer to me.

Months later ex keeps finding reasons to message me from a new number. It’s usually something that seems serious or financial to sort out (only once was it about money). We don’t flirt with each other he’s never asked to meet up and we don’t talk about what happened. It’s usually less than 10 polite messages back and forwards and then he gives up for 2 weeks. I never text him first and don’t have this number saved. I don’t understand what he is getting out of this situation. The money thing made sense but telling me things like I am an old mate of his doesn’t. I think because it seems serious things he’s telling me and he suffered from depression I feel obliged to reply out of politeness now.

I can block and move on and lose no sleep over it but I keep wondering why he’s doing it and if that would just be petty? I don’t hate him or still have any feelings for him except maybe pity which is not very attractive.

If you text someone who dumped you why would you keep doing it is he trying to manipulate me?

OP posts:
Frownette · 02/09/2020 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Abby85 · 02/09/2020 15:16

I don’t get what you mean by some of the stuff you said. I met this guy some time ago and in a month he said he felt he was in love with me and by asking him to be nice I was asking him to be more respectful of my feelings. He couldn’t do that so we broke up in the end and I did move on with someone new who is respectful and caring. I was hurt by some of his actions and behaviour during our relationship which we never spoke about and I did not expect to have any contact with him again there was no need to. Even though he hurt me I have not tried to hurt him back. What kind of silly do you think I was? What does silly mean? I didn’t try to hurt myself or threaten him with it or anything. I didn’t put anything on social media never spoke to his friends I did nothing

I sorted all the money stuff a long time ago he asked to buy me out of the holiday which was booked in his name and go with a friend. It’s been cancelled which I found out last night.

I don’t believe I did anything to hurt him on purpose like he did me, I had his best interests at heart but he didnt have mine. When I finally worked this out I was able to leave him. He could have left me whenever he wanted to.

He has text me about 5 times in the past couple of months to tell me about what is going on in his life before the money stuff last night. I understand asking for the money but not the other stuff or keep telling me about his life, job, family and stuff. Yeah I felt like his emotional dumping ground and not sure why he is doing this.

I asked for his bank details last night he hasn’t sent them. I went on my bank account online today and it just says on the statement:
XX (name)
Holiday
£XXX (amount)
Date

It doesnt give me an account number. He is not in my list and I can’t set him up as one without his bank details. I can send it to his email account on PayPal but I don’t know if he has a PayPal account I think I can do that anyway I’m unsure how that works. I can go into the bank tomorrow but their phone lines are very busy today. If he just sent me his bank details in the first place this would all be sorted out.

I’ve told the new guy about this situation he said maybe he is lonely or bored he seems to understand I said what do you think I should do should I block him and he said if it makes you feel uncomfortable then yeah, but I am not going to tell you what you should do. We both avoid drama by just talking about things but I don’t want to drag him into all this stuff and mess because I have moved on. I don’t want anything bad for ex and I feel bad if things are shit for him but it’s not my problem is it

OP posts:
Frownette · 02/09/2020 15:17

If you don't agree, just be practical and let it go then.

Original poster
Abby85 · 02/09/2020 15:28

What don’t I agree on and what have I got to do that is practical? I’m spending all day trying to work out how to send the stupid money back because he couldn’t send me his bank details and it’s not as easy as logging in and they appear in front of me

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 02/09/2020 15:39

this really isnt difficult.

if he contacts you you say
'i can send you the money give me your bank details'
he say 'yeah , ill get them. i had a shit day today and blah blah blah.'
and you say 'send me your bank details.'
and he says 'ok. will do but my dogs sick and blah blah blah
and you ignore.

everything else - everything else- is your emotions and wants + his emotions and wants.
you two are dragging over a dead relationship and only the two of you know why. Thats fine but you have to stop kidding yourself its something that 'he' is doing. you could easily stop this. why you don't want to is theinteresting point (- perhaps alongside why your current boyfriend doesnt care that you two are engineering staying in contact)

Aerial2020 · 02/09/2020 15:48

@Frownette

Actually this awful. Woman becomes silly because boyfriend doesn't love her. Probably wasn't even her boyfriend just something she was trying to force against his wishes.

Woman gets hysterical and leaves after trying to force him to love her. He didn't.

Then woman gets another boyfriend whom she doesn't get a shit about, revenge policy.

Ex tried to get in touch about some residual money things. OP is too useless to go through her bank account and sort it.

Absolutely useless. I hope new boyfriend gets free soon and finds someone 'kinder', much kinder than OP.

Woah! Way too harsh!
NextOnesaGreyGoose · 02/09/2020 15:50

@Aerial2020

You should have seen the post before that one, it was worse. Mumsnet has already removed that one.

Aerial2020 · 02/09/2020 15:52

Are they the ex or something? Sounds like it.

Krampusasbabysitter · 02/09/2020 16:02

Another solution. Keep the money in lieu of an apology and him being a shyster. Don't answer. Done.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 02/09/2020 16:39

OP just block til you get the money, then like PPs have suggested send a message asking for bank details by x date or he's not getting it back, block and be done. Probably would be a good idea to look into curbing your people pleasing habit (been there done that!)/building stronger personal boundaries and not let other people's shit be your problem it would also help with not letting the weird as fuck posts on here get to you

Frownette · 02/09/2020 21:25

@Aerial2020

Are they the ex or something? Sounds like it.
No I'm female and I'm not gay :)

But it's true the OP tried to make him love her and he didn't, she threw hysterics (as she herself said), now she has a new partner very quickly and is trying to read more into ex wanting to sort out the money. Like it's a test.

She doesn't really need advice about that aside from sort out your bank account and stop hungering after something that is finished and pay respect to your new partner.

Frownette · 02/09/2020 21:43

It really is true though that emotional flatulence is a form of abuse; it's like saying no you can't exist without me. I'm here to help you. You cannot exist without me. She wants a medal for being so kiiiiind and wants to be told it's because he still loves her. He never did.

It's not 'nice' in the slightest.

Just get money sorted then relegate it to the past.

New partner? And how is that going?

Aerial2020 · 02/09/2020 22:09

@Frownette
What has being gay got to do with it??
Your post was far too harsh, there was no need to call the OP useless

You have no idea the actual details apart from what she has posted.
Asking for a medal??

Other posters have given her advice, myself included, without being nasty about it. Which you are.

DaVinyl · 02/09/2020 22:39

@Frownette

Actually this awful. Woman becomes silly because boyfriend doesn't love her. Probably wasn't even her boyfriend just something she was trying to force against his wishes.

Woman gets hysterical and leaves after trying to force him to love her. He didn't.

Then woman gets another boyfriend whom she doesn't get a shit about, revenge policy.

Ex tried to get in touch about some residual money things. OP is too useless to go through her bank account and sort it.

Absolutely useless. I hope new boyfriend gets free soon and finds someone 'kinder', much kinder than OP.

You're just being nasty and not helping OP at all. Just victim blaming.
Frownette · 02/09/2020 22:47

She's not a victim though, this is the whole thing.

He didn't want to be in a relationship with her, she threw a tantrum and left, now she's in a new relationship and her ex is trying to sort out money but she isn't doing anything practical like dealing with her bank and being kind to her new partner.

She's still hanging on waiting for her ex to say he loves her.

Frownette · 02/09/2020 22:49

[quote Aerial2020]@Frownette
What has being gay got to do with it??
Your post was far too harsh, there was no need to call the OP useless

You have no idea the actual details apart from what she has posted.
Asking for a medal??

Other posters have given her advice, myself included, without being nasty about it. Which you are.[/quote]
Because I was accused of being the ex.

Lovelynaughtycat · 02/09/2020 22:51

@Frownette
It's you isn't it, you're the ex-partner nut-job?!!

Aerial2020 · 02/09/2020 22:53

No accusations. Your post was written like a bitter ex. Like the ex the OP is talking about.

Still nothing to do with being gay Hmm

Ullupullu · 02/09/2020 22:56

OP please please do not give him the money back until you get it from TUI!

Frownette · 02/09/2020 22:57

[quote Lovelynaughtycat]@Frownette
It's you isn't it, you're the ex-partner nut-job?!![/quote]
I'm afraid not!

But I do dislike all this hand wringing and wailing all poor little bambi me when ex obviously didn't want a relationship with her so she threw a benny then got a new partner.

Ex is only trying to sort out finances.

It doesn't help to perpetuate poor little me and throw emotional fits. So no, she isn't a victim she just needs to sort out the money and focus on new man.

Frownette · 02/09/2020 23:00

@Aerial2020

No accusations. Your post was written like a bitter ex. Like the ex the OP is talking about.

Still nothing to do with being gay Hmm

Because I'm straight and female so not ex.
Aerial2020 · 02/09/2020 23:11

Yes. Once again, written LIKE the ex.
Not calling you the ex.

Btw, he's not just trying sort out finances.
He could have sent one simple text. He hasnt, he's wanting attention

But anyway, I'm now giving YOU too much attention about this Hmm

Giraffey1 · 02/09/2020 23:20

Why does he keep texting? Because you keep replying! Just stop.

Frownette · 02/09/2020 23:28

@Aerial2020

Yes. Once again, written LIKE the ex. Not calling you the ex.

Btw, he's not just trying sort out finances.
He could have sent one simple text. He hasnt, he's wanting attention

But anyway, I'm now giving YOU too much attention about this Hmm

You probably are! My darling!

But the whole point is that you cannot force someone to love you then act like a wounded soul when they don't. And start reading too many signals into things when you have a NEW partner.

He is probably contacting her out of habit and closing down money but she's trying to impose an emotional aspect onto this and hoping him to say something he won't.

It's easy to solve.

Original poster
Abby85 · 02/09/2020 23:40

I’ve already said I am trying to sort the money out. No way am I sending it before I get a refund though. I will just have to send it by PayPal on his email and hope he gets it.

Its pretty annoying that someone texts you and asks you to pay them back, you straight away ask for their bank details so you can, then they never send them to you. Thats another reason to text me again. I knew straight away I dont have his bank details and my first message back to him said yes, please send your bank details. He then started talking about himself again!

This wasn’t about the money anyway, he’s text me loads of times before that about losing his job and stuff about his family. Why is he talking to me like I’m his mate randomly when I’m not? That’s what I asked in the first place. I found it weird and confusing and don’t know what to say or why he is doing it.

I’m going to block him again and then the whole weirdness will be gone when I’ve paid him back. Thanks for the advice people have given to me anyway. Being very upset about a break up is not someone throwing silly hysterics seen as I’ve never told you what I did when I was upset apart from block and delete him. It’s ok to be sad and upset about things sometimes as long as you don’t let it take over your life. I was better off without him anyway. I’m not a victim

Frownette doesn’t sound like my ex if it was he would be telling a sob story about how hard done by he is in life

OP posts: