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Original poster

2 years later his ex still hasn’t fully moved on. Finding it stressful.

131 replies

Mixup123445 · 30/08/2020 12:34

Try to keep it short here.
I have been with my OH 2 years now, he split up with his ex just before we met they have a DS. She now has another boyfriend, yet still rings my ex for pointless things, or txts for stupid things or sends pictures of DS even tho my OH has asked her to stop. It’s causing so much friction between me and OH he doesn’t want to offend or upset her, but he agrees that she doesn’t seem to be fully moving on. He also agrees it’s not fair on me, they have equal shared custody so it’s not like he is away from DS longs spells of time. I have even asked her nicely myself to please move on but ended up with his sister txting me abuse because they are still friends.

OP posts:
Ablackrussian · 30/08/2020 19:33

This reply has been deleted

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stealthmama · 30/08/2020 19:33

@Ablackrussian whilst your whole post is absolute rubbish, I don't think women 'make men choose' much in life. They are more than capable of making their own choices when it comes to the women and kids in their lives.

Bollss · 30/08/2020 19:34

@Ablackrussian

trust and don't start being a weirdo with me, just because stop has departed Grin
I'll just report you for personal attacks instead. Yawn.
Ablackrussian · 30/08/2020 19:34

trust, for the second time, it's called having an opinion Smile

Ablackrussian · 30/08/2020 19:35

Go ahead. Meanwhile..

Bollss · 30/08/2020 19:35

Meanwhile what?

TheHumanSatsuma · 30/08/2020 19:38

Mixup123445
It’s the volume of pictures, she doesn’t take they’re DS hardly anywhere when she has him. We do lots and lots with him so my OH said “I don’t need pictures of him when he’s with her” She has her memories I have mine with him. She is only sending to try and prove she has taken him to the park etc. Tbh it’s the phone calls and texts which annoy me more. She will txt late at night almost as if she’s looking for a conversation with OH, and mostly it’s pointless things they could speak about on exchange days.
Oh, he sounds like a real catch.

If you go on to have a child with him, this will be his level of interest in them once he fucks off to the next girlfriend.

This exactly

Ablackrussian · 30/08/2020 19:39

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Rayn · 30/08/2020 19:39

You will get a hard time here OP.
I have children with my ex and I keep contact, send the odd picture and same with him. I don't need to give him a running commentary of his children's lives. It sounds like she is trying just a bit too hard. You can be good parents with less contact. I would not dream of FaceTiming my ex with the kids. If it was an important occasion then fair enough but not a trip to the park. That's OTT. It is hard when the child is little but my kids at teenagers now and contact him directly!

Bollss · 30/08/2020 19:40

@Ablackrussian

trust and stealthmama read the following..slowly..

an opinion is a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge

My opinion is that you are on the wind up. My opinion about OP is that she needs to get a grip

There's really no need to be rude. My opinion is that you're just here to be spiteful or to make yourself feel better.
OhdearSummersOver · 30/08/2020 19:40

There will always be a connection because they have a child together.
It is lovely that they continue to get on for their child. I think you have to accept this relationship as part of your life

2andahalfpints · 30/08/2020 19:42

You absolutely do not need that much contact to Co parent amicably. In 14 years of Co parenting I have never sent a pic yo my ex. The odd phone call or text if its something important that can't be discussed over handover yes but any more is ridiculous! And we were the type of Co parents where 4 of us would turn up together on parents evening!
It will have no effect on ds, presumably he is unaware what pictures each parent has on their phones.

In addition, my dh also Co parents with his ex and she has been a nightmare. Still not over him all these years later and maintains a relationship with my in laws who as a result, we have nothing to do with and neither does our dd. No reason to take a child to see grandparents on the ex's side when they can go with the ex.

Presumably most pps haven't actually lived through it, I feel for you op - the ultimate aim is a well balanced adult who can have a wedding/graduation/bday party etc without worrying about inviting both parents.

My dd can, my dss can't and its from situations like yours

Fallowdeerhunter · 30/08/2020 19:45

You don’t sound very kind. Sounds like the mum wants a friendly relationship with the father of her child. What kind of good person doesn’t want that?

My child quite often asks to FaceTime her dad and neither of us would dream of thinking that was me ‘unable to move on’. More like us being adults and wanting our child to feel comfortable and not pulled on ‘sides’.

She exists. You can’t make her not exist. And you don’t sound like you have the child’s best interest at heart

AllsortsofAwkward · 30/08/2020 19:47

Where you the ow by any chance?

Bollss · 30/08/2020 19:47

Bingo!

Original poster
Mixup123445 · 30/08/2020 19:47

@2andahalfpints Exactly I am so glad there are people out there who get what I mean. It’s hard work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixup123445 · 30/08/2020 19:49

@Ablackrussian FYI I wouldn’t ever make him choose between me and his child! For you to even insinuate this, means you are in fact an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixup123445 · 30/08/2020 19:50

@Fallowdeerhunter so you behave just like her, no wonder you don’t like my opinions.

OP posts:
kidsdrivingmemad · 30/08/2020 19:52

I wouldn't like it either OP. My boys father and I get on ok and we have 50/50 custody. We only talk about the boys and don't send one another pictures or videos as we literally see the kids each most days. I get on with my ex in laws and speak when I see them but I don't go visiting.

Tell him it's a deal breaker.

2andahalfpints · 30/08/2020 19:57

It's not unfair to tell a child they can't see dad/mum right now, my dd will ask when her dad is at work and I will just tell her he'll be back at tea time.

It is ok for a child to understand that their parents are not together any more and be told, it's ok you will see them tomorrow etc.

No I do not agree the ex gets to maintain a relationship with her child's grandparents, it's about the child's relationships not hers. In my case she goes for dinner and even on holiday! She was with dh for 12 months and fell pregnant whilst on the pill, we have been married for 15 years so it doesn't make any sense long term

peakygal · 30/08/2020 20:07

I totally get your point about the constant messaging etc but the whole we take him out more or he doesn't want to talk to his Mum on FT, hes a daddys boy, sounds like its a competition with you

Original poster
Mixup123445 · 30/08/2020 20:07

@2andahalfpints That’s crazy! And much worse than I could ever invisage having to deal with if I’m honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixup123445 · 30/08/2020 20:09

@peakygal not at all a competition. Just facts unfortunately. Not said in a we are better than her way just stating what happens.

OP posts:
2andahalfpints · 30/08/2020 20:16

It gets easier as they get older, you don't really have many reasons to text over a teenager so hand in there!

It always helped me to remember for the majority of time, dss would be an adult and conduct his own relationships - as he now does. They aren't children very long just enjoy them while you c

2andahalfpints · 30/08/2020 20:17

Can and let the haters hate and idiot ex's get on with it, soon she'll have no excuses as maddening as it is right now 🌼