2 years later his ex still hasn’t fully moved on. Finding it stressful.

[Mixup123445]

Try to keep it short here.
I have been with my OH 2 years now, he split up with his ex just before we met they have a DS. She now has another boyfriend, yet still rings my ex for pointless things, or txts for stupid things or sends pictures of DS even tho my OH has asked her to stop. It’s causing so much friction between me and OH he doesn’t want to offend or upset her, but he agrees that she doesn’t seem to be fully moving on. He also agrees it’s not fair on me, they have equal shared custody so it’s not like he is away from DS longs spells of time. I have even asked her nicely myself to please move on but ended up with his sister txting me abuse because they are still friends.

[user1481840227]

It's actually normal after 2 years that people might not have fully moved on from a relationship, especially when there was children involved!
You can't just ask someone to move on, that's not how it works!!

Also the fact that he moved on so quick would have extended the time it took for her to move on because it wouldn't have allowed her to begin the grieving process in the healthy way.

Your partner would be the same if they split up and she met someone straight away, it interrupts the healthy way of healing so don't flatter yourself that it's because he's so great, if he was then he wouldn't have moved on so quickly after a relationship with his kids mother ended, because he would have had some respect for her and what they shared...i.e a family.

[stophuggingme]

@TrustTheGeneGenie

No. I’m not into sniping. Actually that comment was specifically aimed at you pardon the pun

[stophuggingme]

*actually though 😂

[Potterpotterpotter]

He just needs to ignore her when she texts crap late at night or FaceTimes.
If she texts ???.. ignore that too.

[Mixup123445]

She actually moved on and had a new boyfriend before he met me, which we suspect she had been with some time before my OH found out also. Also I DO NOT resent her being involved with my OH’s family, I make a massive effort to be polite and respectful to her on days where OH is late from work and I am home for handover. Please do not see me as someone with a vendetta I am just finding it hard to understand her need for this much interaction. I too have a DS and me and my ex haven’t ever had or needed this level of interaction.

[Bollss]

@TheHoneyBadger

Horrible? Resenting a mother being close to her child’s grandma is horrible. Expecting a mother not to try to be in close contact with the coparent of their child is horrible. Pointing it out isn’t imo.

Ideally coparents should be in close friendly contact and mothers and grandparents the same. None of them should have to avoid that in order to please the dads girlfriend.

If you get involved with a man with children you should be able to deal with this or be honest and say actually my insecurities can’t cope with this.

The child is the priority.

But she doesn't resent it so what's your point?

[Bollss]

@TheHoneyBadger

Horrible? Resenting a mother being close to her child’s grandma is horrible. Expecting a mother not to try to be in close contact with the coparent of their child is horrible. Pointing it out isn’t imo.

Ideally coparents should be in close friendly contact and mothers and grandparents the same. None of them should have to avoid that in order to please the dads girlfriend.

If you get involved with a man with children you should be able to deal with this or be honest and say actually my insecurities can’t cope with this.

The child is the priority.

Co parents don't need to be in close friendly contact at all. I can only assume you're not in a co parenting relationship. It needs to be amicable with clear boundaries that everyone understands and is happy with.

You shouldn't have to deal with continuous texting unrelated to the child and facetimeing (though op mentions they do that twice a day anyway and this is on top of......) At all the hours... No. Nobody should have to deal with that. That isn't normal.

[Bollss]

[quote stophuggingme]@TrustTheGeneGenie

No. I’m not into sniping. Actually that comment was specifically aimed at you pardon the pun [/quote]
I don't get it?

[stophuggingme]

@TrustTheGeneGenie

Really?

[TheHoneyBadger]

So she posted about it just for fun?

Haven’t got the energy to deal with a poster attacking everything I say Trust. Not sure why you keep coming at me. It’s almost like a sock puppet scenario

[Bollss]

[quote stophuggingme]@TrustTheGeneGenie

Really?[/quote]
Yeah really?

[Bollss]

@TheHoneyBadger

So she posted about it just for fun?

Haven’t got the energy to deal with a poster attacking everything I say Trust. Not sure why you keep coming at me. It’s almost like a sock puppet scenario

It's called context?

Attacking you? No. Disagreeing with you.

If you think I'm a sock puppet then report me? Or you know I might just be someone who doesn't agree with you!!

[stophuggingme]

@TrustTheGeneGenie

Now I know you’re being sarcastic.

[Bollss]

[quote stophuggingme]@TrustTheGeneGenie

Now I know you’re being sarcastic.[/quote]
I'm really not being sarcastic I literally don't have a fucking clue what you're on about?

[stealthmama]

I'm with you op this would be really annoying. How old is the dss?

He just needs to tell her (not in a text) that some communication boundaries are needed and he should suggest what that means ie daily calls with the kid, fine. Messages about school issues or injuries fine. Pictures of a one off occasion one of them might miss like a school play, fine. Anything else in between handover just isn't necessary.

I wouldn't call it moving on issues as such but she is having issues of some sort if she thinks it's appropriate to FaceTime her ex at work to show him the boy on a swing. That's not normal.

[Bollss]

@Ablackrussian

Don't make him choose you over his child. That would make you vile.

Where has it even been suggested that she's doing that?

[Redcups64]

I just don’t think I could be a ex with kids or would like my ex go with some one else ....it all sounds like massively hard work!! Not the actual parents, but the adults that join up after.

Is a bit of unnecessary communication really worth all this extra aggravation your causing yourself?

[Mwnci123]

I think you need to step well back from this op. As pp have noted, even parents who live together casually send photos and updates about the kids. He doesn't have to phone her in response to texts. It's not reasonable to expect her only contact him on handover days re practical arrangements if there is no animosity there. They are still parents together and the other reading of her behaviour is that she doesn't want the end of their romantic relationship to mean they can't having a close parenting relationship. I think you were massively over stepping talking to her about this- very much something for him to do if it is actually a problem. You seem rather insecure.

[Ablackrussian]

trust, I've seen in happen plenty of times. And it always starts out with this scenario..

[Bollss]

@Ablackrussian

trust, I've seen in happen plenty of times. And it always starts out with this scenario..

You know nothing about this poster. How about support rather than unnecessary judgement?

[Ablackrussian]

OP. Just get a grip. If you are secure with him, it shouldn't matter.

[Ablackrussian]

trust and neither do you..

[Ablackrussian]

trust, it's called having an opinion. Do you know how that works?

[Bollss]

@Ablackrussian

trust, it's called having an opinion. Do you know how that works?

Yes I do but you're assuming she'll do something just because some other people do?

I don't understand why people even post on these threads when all they do is stick the boot in.