Am I being a mug

[Crazyjay91]

Help!!!
I’ve been messaging a man for the past 8 weeks and we finally met up 4 weeks ago and have seen each other atleast once a week since. He is 31 with two young children from his ex who he split up with in October after 10 years together. His ex is clearly still madly in love with him and is doing anything she can to control him and get him back this includes using the children. Therefore we have kept seeing each other on the downlow with only our close friends knowing.
I am asking for advice as I really do not know where this ‘relationship’ is going. He is so complimentary and supportive within my personal life and my work life, we really get on well - we laugh, we joke, we confide in each other and I do really like this man. But we have not gone on a ‘proper’ date yet and he has made no hints that, that is what he wants. We literally see each other at my house and he will stay the night.
I haven’t had the conversation with him about what he wants out of this as I don’t want to put pressure on him but at the moment I’m stuck between am I just being impatient and to give him more time and maybe I shouldn’t be so stubborn and ask him on a date or am I just being a mug and being used as someone to get his end away with?

[FetchezLaVache]

You haven't been to his place then? That's not generally a good sign...

[FunkSoulBrother]

He's a Cocklodger without the lodge OP.

Move on, you are worth so much more than his sex.

[Regularsizedrudy]

Um yes. Sorry.

[Deadringer]

@category12

Crikey, you are being a mug.

You're likely the OW. You're definitely a shag.

This

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

Yes you are being a mug.

What are you afraid of? Ask him what is going on.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Asking him won't really help though, if he's determined to keep you as an OW, he will just lie or talk his way out of it.

[Isthisnothing]

Op not only would I say you are being a mug here but you need to 100% change your perspective.

You don't want to ask him because you don't want to put pressure on him? Why are you dancing around what he wants?

How about sit down, figure out what you want from a budding relationship and don't settle for anything less.


I really doubt "I want a man with complicated history (present) who makes absolutely no effort with me" appears on that list.

Forget what he wants and only think of yourself at this stage. This is the interview assessment remember. Respect your always or nobody else will.

[category12]

How about sit down, figure out what you want from a budding relationship and don't settle for anything less.
I really doubt "I want a man with complicated history (present) who makes absolutely no effort with me" appears on that list.

This ^

[GilbertMarkham]

They're not separated.

[Wherearemymarbles]

You’ve been seeing him a month. Its far too early to know what this is and you owe each other very. using access to kids as a weapon is a very, very well trod path and I dont blame him for being careful.

I’d just ask him but I dont necessarily think you are being a mug.

[Divebar]

How did you manage to miss out the date bit at the start? How did that conversation work when you were first discussing meeting ?

[Bananalanacake]

Don't give him money if he asks. Don't let him move in.
Don't look after his kids, it's not your job.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

Maybe how his finances are come into it, having 2 kids and 2 separate homes now between them to support, could mean that he doesn't have the money left to go 'out' out.

If he didn't have money to date he shouldn't be on a dating website.

OP - Does his facebook status say he's single (think I know what the answer to this is).

[Yawwwwnyyawnson]

My ex did exactly this. Started seeing someone, it had to be quiet as I was ‘crazy’ and would cause problems with the children. Would not acknowledge her in public but went to hers for the evening. Problem was that I wasn’t aware that we had split! The other woman knew that we lived together but he said we’d split months earlier (🙄) he even had pictures of us together on his profile on Facebook, where they began their ‘relationship’.