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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

should i be worried?

138 replies

nappyaddict · 04/10/2007 22:08

i spoke to dp at lunch time and he said he would text me or speak to me on msn when he got in from work.

we always see eachother everynight unless something major has happened like the other week his car got broken into so i didn't see him after we'd made plans.

we didn't make definite plans but i assumed we would talk about what we were going to do when i spoke to him at 5.

anyway i haven't heard from him since. i have sent 3 text messages and rang 3 or 4 times.

at first i thought he might have lost his phone, but then surely he'd try and contact me through msn or facebook.

then i thought maybe he's had to work late. last week they had a power cut so they are behind and maybe they want to be on top of things before the end of the week and he doesn't want to have to work late tomorrow. but then i thought surely he would have got in touch to let me know.

so now i'm going out of my mind worrying what is going on. ok so maybe he's just fallen asleep but for almost 4 hours? and why wouldn't you set an alarm if you knew you were meant to see your gf or at least get in touch to say you were going to have a sleep first.

maybe i have high expectations?

OP posts:
Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 13:27

hmmm i haven't rung him today off my phone so as far as he's concerned i haven't rung him. maybe if i had it would be a i don't want this as opposed to i don't think i want this. oh ffs. who am i kidding. someone tell me to get a grip.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 13:41

oh dear, i'll do it. Get a grip, its his loss!! Move on - he's not worth it. He made you feel like shit, dont give him the satisfaction.

LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2007 13:43

Get a grip NA!!!!!!! Tell him (when he contacts you to arrange to meet up and talk) that as you hadn't made plans with him you are busy at xxxxx (whatever time he is asking for) but that you can do it tomorrow at xxxx is thats ok?

Do not make him think you are at his beck and call!

Think of it this way the more he doesn't see you, the harder it is for him to see you the more he will want you! Oh and make sure you look amazing! (so tonight you will be busy! pampering yourself!)

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 13:46

in the text he said he needs to see me face to face and would tomorrow be ok. i'm not sure i can wait any longer than that.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 13:48

Right - thats IT!!! i've just looked at your profile. WTF - you are gorgeous, really really pretty. It is SO definately his loss. Your profile says you are a student? Am i right? If you are get out there and do what students do and have some fun!! Who needs him, no really. You have such a lovely little boy too, who deserves a better mummy. One thing i learnt about being a single mum was this - whilst you think you better not be fussy else you will be left on the shelf, its bullshit, you have to be extra fussy and by the looks of you, you can afford to be - move on. You are young, Mr right may well not be just around the corner, he may well be, but he IS out there!

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 13:50

i am but i'm taking a year out at the moment so i'm not actually at uni.

i know it's not fair on ds whilst i'm miserable and focusing all my attention on this idiot.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 13:50

OMG ive just read my post, i meant to say HAPPY mummy, oh i hope you havent read that yet, im so sorry, i really didnt mean that, in fact im not sure why my fingers typed it because it wasnt what i was thinking at all.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 13:52

oh why did i look at my profile. i'd forgot there were pictures of me and him on it. grrrr.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 13:54

NAppy addict, i've done it too, ive been in exactly the same place as you have. I got involved with someone, i actually wasnt that keen but when he wanted to end it i was really hurt and begged him to stay, thank god he didnt. I thought thats it, im going to be on my own forever. A week later i met DP and that was 15 years ago. He has been like a dad to DD1 and hes fab. He was a little bit older than me, i was 21 and he was 28, i do wonder if younger guys are too busy being young guys to want to be involved with a mum because its not straight forward.

Enjoy your year out, make sure you go back, you wont regret it. I didnt go to uni until i was 24, it was the best thing i ever did

lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 13:55

hate to say this hon, you are waaaaaaaaay out of his league. Definately his loss, wasnt sure if that was him. He is OK looking but you are a stunner

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 13:58

i sort of think we are in eachothers league even though i think he is gooooooorgeous.

where shall i suggest we meet. is eachother's house a bit too awkward? or would it be better than being somewhere public?

in the beginning he was definitely more keen than me, then i thought it was about equal and then the last week or so i've definitely felt like i've been more interested in him.

OP posts:
Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 14:01

hmmm would getting a hair cut look like im trying too much?

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 14:03

its always the way. I think somewhere public but easy to escape from. Not because i think he has suddenly become an axe murderer but because you want to maintain your dignity, so you want to be able to either, say OK, we can still be mates but i have to go now because im going xyz. Or you can call him a spineless runt for not being honest withyou about his feelings and that you coudlnt be arsed with someone so immature that would try and give you the message by ignoring your calls and flounce off. Either way that gives you the upper hand and the opportunity to go somewhere and have a good cry without him seeing. fecking pig!

lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 14:06

DON'T be getting your hair cut, he wont actually notice! but more importantly you are feeing really shit just now and you might make a rash decision and have them give you a mullet or something. Get this over with, if you want to see him today to get it out of the way, do it, tell him you want to see him asap as you are not waiting around. Then take a few days, lick your wounds, long hot baths, then on friday - hair cut, nails done, new shoes, whatever it takes, organise a baby sitter and a night out with the girls. Anywhere where you know he WONT be.

pneumalifenewname · 09/10/2007 14:12

Jesus you look like a foxy lady he looks, well, like a not so hot boy. If it does go tits up then you'll be upgrading next time ;)

Course, if it works out I think h'es bloody gorgeous - good match...

CantCopeWontCope · 09/10/2007 14:45

NappyAddict, you are absolutely gorgeous - a really beautiful girl. You do not need this loser in your or your baby's life. Your baby is adorable by the way! Seen your pics on your profile! Make him see u've moved on. At the meeting don't even suggest getting back together and if he asks what you've been up to, tell him you went out with your friends on such and such a night so he thinks 'hang on a minute - this girl doesn't have any interest in me - she's getting on with her life - what the hell have I lost and then he will be thinking twice about treating you so badly. Even if he suggests getting back together, play it cool, like say 'maybe, you'll have to give me time to think about it.' and take days to really think about whether he makes you happy or not. You deserve so much better darling. Don't let him treat you this way. Good luck and let us know how it goes x

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 15:35

he does make me really happy. i'm just scared if he suggests getting back together and i say no then he won't suggest it ever again.

OP posts:
Turquoise · 09/10/2007 15:50

Why don't you pre-empt him? Text him and say you're busy tomorrow, and actually you think you need a bit of space, let's meet up in a week or two.

My advice (also been a Klingon in my time) - if you think a man's needing space - give it to him, give him far more than he can handle, and he might have a chance to miss you.

SpookyDooooo · 09/10/2007 16:00

Nappyaddict you are a very pretty girl, honestly don't chase this bloke you can do so much better & not only that you deserve better.

I do however know how it feels when you feel the way you do & it is hard to play hard to get etc, in a situation like this you need to try & take control of the situation, i am afraid to say you really do need to act cool make him think about what he is missing etc etc.

It will be his loss at the end of the day, how old is he? how long have you beed together?

Try & be strong i would not meet on his terms if he says tomorrow say i am busy how about thursday? so it is on your terms, take control.

By the way which one is he in black top or white?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/10/2007 16:12

nappyaddict - you'll have to trust us when we say that him not asking you to get back together with him again in future is no great loss.

He's behaving immaturely (switching off phone, not answering calls etc).

You need a man in your life, at the very least.

Postpone him. Tell him something important has come up and you'll ring him at the weekend to sort something out.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 16:26

he's the one in the black top.

we haven't been together long - just over a month.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/10/2007 16:28

oh nappy....

I think that says it all. Cut your loses. Start making plans to get out there and start having fun.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 17:02

well i've just had a bath, got changed done my hair and make up and i'm off out with some friends in a bit. feel tonnes better.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/10/2007 17:10

Excellent.

Have you postponed him?

Original poster
nappyaddict · 09/10/2007 17:11

no not yet. thought i'd wait for him to contact me first.

OP posts: