Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend joked about how many people I had slept with?

116 replies

Userwtdb · 23/08/2020 01:20

I’ve slept with 7 people and I’m 30.

My friend made a joke today that I had been around the block. I feel horrible about it and while three of these were non starter relationships and people I saw maybe 3 months ish, the other four were significant relationships to me that lasted a few years each.

Am I being sensitive here?

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 23/08/2020 10:08

Does she know you’re a bit sensitive about it? I think it’s an odd comment as 7 is low to average I’d say. I’m 30 and my number is somewhere in the 20-25 mark. I’ve got a couple of friends who are similar who could get away with making that joke but others who I’d find it a bit of a dig from.

Louise000000 · 23/08/2020 10:41

I tend to round mine down 😁 it's no ones business. You wanted to have sex with these guys at the time and that's no one else's biz. Your friend sounds a bit goody 2 shoes, 7 people isn't round the block even if you were 21!! My friends are mid 30s and are 20-30 which I also don't think as round the block! I'm a bit less as I was married very young, but I'll make up for it now 😆
Please don't worry too much about this, and in future just keep your number to yourself and go with 'less than 10' if needs be

luckyduckydooda · 23/08/2020 10:43

Hmmmm, maybe ask her why she thinks it's ok to say that to a friend...
To people telling OP that 7 is barely past the doorstep, or that she needs to get out there and have some fun etc... isn't that just another way of making her feel inadequate? We're all different and shaming people about the number of partners they've had - either too many or too few according to you- seems stupid. More isn't always better- and equally a smaller number than what other people brag about on here- doesn't make you 'frigid' or whatever either... Hate this covert competitiveness that exists about people's sex lives.

Blushingm · 23/08/2020 11:07

I'm on 14 - I'm 42 and was with my ex from 19 to 38. If anything I thought mine was low

Ugzbugz · 23/08/2020 11:10

She has obviously lived under a rock if she thinks 7 is going round the block, I'm around 40 at 40, couldn't even tell you the number, one night stands, fling, relationships, dont care and it's not even high, I have friends who have numbers 100 plus and I would never say that comment to them!

GhostOfMe · 23/08/2020 11:13

I thought it was just tongue in cheek comments luckyduckydooda. I married young and my numbers lower, but I really don't think it matters either way. The things that matter are both parties consent, no ones been tricked (ie one thinks its more serious because the other party lied), its safe and no one gets physically or mentally harmed by it.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 23/08/2020 11:17

im 30, with a number of...... zero!

User04727680092 · 23/08/2020 11:27

"Less than Madonna, more than Princess Di"

acatcalledjohn · 23/08/2020 11:47

Your friend is a twat.

SoulofanAggron · 23/08/2020 12:00

7 is nothing. I've lost count. It wasn't a nice thing for her to say, and wasn't true.

I’d obviously taken this to heart and shouldn’t have!

You should in as much as it should inform your opinion of her.

As a PP said, I would tell her how it made you feel. If she says she was 'just joking,' as people tend to if people pull them up on what they say, ask her what was funny about it.

ElspethFlashman · 23/08/2020 12:03

I'd slept with 8 men by the time I was 30 and that was 25 years ago and even then it was considered a pretty low number

Same. And then I started dating DH and have only been with him in the past 15 years so I feel even more sedate now because that's going to be my life total!

Namechange8471 · 23/08/2020 12:09

Your friend sound like a dick!!

I’d slept with about 12 by the time I was 25, to be honest I wish I’d had more casual sex 😂

WonderHike · 23/08/2020 12:11

I have a friend who is perfectly sexually liberated herself and who I would never dream of judging who in recent years has made a few odd snide comments about sleeping with guys (me that is). I am of the opinion that sleeping with people you choose to is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or sheepish about, and in any case was not any more promiscuous than her. It’s a good friend I’ve known since school and we’ve always openly discussed such things without judgement so I was baffled by the comments.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a weird sort of projection/insecurity. She’d had a difficult few years and there had been a few weird things happen – I went to visit the one time and she got drunk and spent the whole night viciously arguing with the guy she was seeing at the time while her toddler slept / sat unfazed in front of the telly downstairs (where my bed was made up). Her previous partner tried it on with me while I slept in the bed next to her (it later turned out he’d tried it on with loads of her friends). Which was obviously not her fault but made things slightly awkward between us for a while.

Her life was a bit chaotic at the time and I think she was embarrassed and seemed to feel the need to judge me in some way to even the scales.

It is completely about her OP and you definitely have no reason whatsoever to feel ashamed or embarrassed about the (scant) number of people you have slept with!

SoulofanAggron · 23/08/2020 12:36

I'd had about 40 lovers by the time I was 26. Then I had a break after 30 for 8 years. Since then I've done so much stuff it's uncountable.

SoulofanAggron · 23/08/2020 12:44

This study was one of the largest, including 20,000 people. www.lifehacker.com.au/2020/02/heres-how-much-sex-everybody-is-having/ Women cited 8 as their average, and men claimed 18. But people tend to lie about how many lovers they've had, and I think women at least claim to have had less than they've really had.

WonderHike · 23/08/2020 12:46

SoulofanAggron

Yes, there is a discrepancy between the average numbers claimed by surveys of heterosexual men and women which don’t quite measure up Wink

acatcalledjohn · 23/08/2020 13:10

@Userwtdb

From your posts it didn't occur to you as being too many until your friend made a comment. This would indicate you are happy with what you have consented to in your life.

What the median is, or what others think, is totally irrelevant. You have had consensual sex with 7 people.

Why does your friend think it's ok to judge you based on your sex life? Would she tell a man the same thing for having slept with 7 women?

SoulofanAggron · 23/08/2020 13:46

Yes, there is a discrepancy between the average numbers claimed by surveys of heterosexual men and women which don’t quite measure up

@WonderHike Grin Good point.

Bunnymumy · 23/08/2020 13:53

I'm on 10 at 31. Most of those were one night stands or short term flings. And mist before I was 26.

I remember being at a part when I was 22 and two girls maybe two years older than me were talking about their numbers being into the 100s. No one batted an eye.

So no 7 is not a lot. And your friend is a knob.

BurtonHouse · 23/08/2020 16:44

Future Dh who I met when I was nearly 30 was number 15 (and still is I might add). Adult dd asked me a couple of years ago how many men I'd slept with and when I told her she said "Oh, I thought it would be more than that".
Should I have been pleased or offended??

HPFA · 23/08/2020 18:18

@Valambtine

My tally of 2 seems woeful here. I met DH at 19.

I kind of regretted not sowing any wild oats, but never enough to chuck away my relationship.

Well, I'm one lower so I think you've been wild!

Shaming people for being "nuns" as someone said up thread doesn't seem much of an advance on shaming women for having "too many".

If you're happy in a relationship are you meant to go out and cheat?

SeasideMaiden · 23/08/2020 18:23

Mine went over three figures over a decade ago and I've lost count but also can't be arsed because it really doesn't matter. I'm late thirties. And no longer having sex.

SpaceSharkTea · 23/08/2020 19:01

I would say 7 made you very modest at 30 Blush

I'm now happily married with DC in late 20s and I'm at 15-18 partners

Friends in my social circle are a mix of single and in LTR and have slept with around the same as me or more

SoulofanAggron · 23/08/2020 19:29

Mine went over three figures over a decade ago and I've lost count but also can't be arsed because it really doesn't matter. I'm late thirties. And no longer having sex.

I've given it up unless the ideal person happens across my path. Was it your most recent ex that put you off? I got sick of how so many men nag for sex.

Pimmsypimms · 23/08/2020 19:32

She doesn't sound like much of a friend op.