Is this normal behaviour from DH?

[moptop99]

I have been with my DH for 23 years and struggling in lots of ways with our marriage at the moment. I am in counselling and trying to pick apart various things in our relationship and future to see how I can either leave or make it work better (it has to be one or the other as I can't continue as things are). One of the issues I have I don't feel I can talk to my counsellor about is about the sex side of stuff. I think we have a fairly normal sex life (I know different for everyone). When we have sex he is very giving and wants me to enjoy it. The problem is his sexual behaviour in everyday life. It hasn't always been like this but has been for a number of years. I am fine with a bum squeeze etc as he is passing but he takes it too far. He will do things like "dry hump/take me from behind" or if I have my hands full in the kitchen (so I feel a bit helpless) he will come in and just start pulling my knickers down and trying to touch me. I have told him I don't like it. He will then say "can't I touch my wife?" We have teenage children in the house and that doesn't stop him either. He was just randomly say things like "why don't you let me come in your mouth anymore?" in a jokey way or other sexual things. For the things he says I will just ignore him or change the subject and then I get accused of not speaking to him. It's like so much of our conversation is just random sexual stuff that I don't want to engage with. Sometime he will just get his c**k out in the middle of the room (I might be working on my laptop or reading) and he will say "don't ignore me). If he is feeling randy he will say something like "I'm hungry" or "my balls are full" I do some 1:2:1 work in my profession with men and he will say "are you going out to get bummed by xxxx again" a double insult as it makes me sound like a prostitute and he doesn't work (another bone of contention). If I try to brooch these things I am either over-reacting, can't take a joke or being a prude. He would never force me to do anything in the bedroom I didn't want but doesn't see this as a problem. I find it such a turn off I starting to not want to have sex at all. I know there is perhaps a huge range of "normal" in the sexual department but would love others opinions or experiences. We have been together since I was 20, I had slept with other people before this but really he is my only adult relationship and I definitely can't ask my friends about this.

@moptop99 I really think you should have a one to one with your Counselor about this. It doesn't sound healthy or safe. And he's objectifying you.

No, that's not normal. He's a sex pest, and I'd have brained him with a frying pan by now!

This ain't normal op is sexual harrasment really . I wonder because he doesn't work is he watching porn all the time and this is why he's acting like it or has he been mike this the whole time ? My partner had occasionally messed around touching me when I'm doing the dishes but I could count how many times on my fingers in the ten years I have been with him . He's never just whipped his cock out in the living room and I would also feel cheap and tacky if he said my halls are full 🤢 it's like he just sees women as sex objects x

It’s not normal for a man to keep doing something his wife has asked him to stop.

Excuse my spelling lol x

Tell him you either need to call the police for the sexual assault (which it is - touching you, humping you, pulling your knickers down when you don't consent) or a doctor because these are traits of some people when they get dementia.
He's being disgusting.

Cock lodging sex pest, op if you are spending money on therapy then get the best out of it.
Are you embarrassed about his behaviour
Or is it because you know its wrong, just leave but be Mindful of what
He's entitled to

Very not normal, and quite disgusting. How long has this been going on?

I believe that David Baddiels father developed a form of dementia (I think it may be Picks Disease) and one aspect is saying and doing inappropriate things...

Gross. Me and DP are fine with a bit of groping and innuendos but your DP just sounds like a sleazy pervert. Next time he gets it out smack it away. That would seriously put me off him. I dont know what to suggest really, i would say have a serious talk with him about how you dont like it etc but a man who acts like that, doesn't seem the kind to listen.

He is showing you a total lack of respect.

If he hasn’t always been like this I would definitely get him to the doctor, sounds like some kind of neurological disorder, dementia or similar.

This has been going on for several years. Definitely not a dementia thing. He suffers with depression and I think it may partly be a reaction to his up times when is libido sores, when in the pits of a depressive episode it goes right off. But I also think there is a controlling/suffocating aspect to it as he is quite a loner, enjoys his own company or a select few friends (and says he is happier like that) but I end up being his everything. He would be quite happy if I only ever done things with him and didn't want to go out.

I'm a bit confused OP; when he says 'why don't you come in my mouth', does he say that in front of the children? Also, when he gets out his penis in the living room, are the children around or in the room?

Was the behaviour triggered by anything, for example, head injury or mental ill health? Did he start any new medication around the time it started? Does he continue this behaviour outside the home, for example in the pub or at work?

I would suggest an appointment with his GP as his behaviour is wildly inappropriate and if it's in front of the children, is considered child sexual abuse.

Him touching you without your consent and continuing after you tell him to stop, is sexual assault.

Him accusing you of being a sex worker and cheating is emotional abuse.

No this is not at all normal.

he will just get his ck out in the middle of the room (I might be working on my laptop or reading) and he will say "don't ignore me). If he is feeling randy he will say something like "I'm hungry" or "my balls are full"

I'm no prude by any stretch. But this is gross. What if the teens walked in?

@namechange12a no this is not done in front of the children (although they are sometimes in the house), and he knows he is doing it - it's all a bit of fun for him - I'm the prude or over-reacting. I would say verbal comments happen most days, touching ones a couple of time a week.

Not normal at all. My exh was like this and as time went on I realised that he treated me like a possession rather than a fellow human being. By the time I left him I was absolutely disgusted by him and hated even sleeping beside him.

You deserve better.

Im sorry, OP. I agree it sounds suffocating. It's not OK.

Bit confused about why people are suggesting he has dementia or some medical problem

He’s clearly just an entitled wanker who doesn’t respect you, and I’m afraid there’s nothing special about that, just your common misogynist who thinks your body belongs to him and he can do what he likes. He knows you don’t like it and he continues - he’s continuously putting himself first and effectively saying “but I don’t care that you don’t like that, that’s not important to me, what’s important is that I do what I want”.

Have you got angry, shouted at him how disgusting and unacceptable this is?

God I don’t know HOW you’ve put up with this for years. Utterly repulsive. Personally I’d be seeing a solicitor and getting the divorce under way. Yuck yuck yuckitty yuck 🤢

Oh yes blame the depression when its actually sexual abuse.
This is abuse OP and a power trip he is getting from it.

Totally normal.......if you are a disgusting non respectful idiot.

Sorry op he sounds totally grim, no way could I be putting up with that behaviour. Plenty of people suffer from depression and do not act like sexual deviants. I would be leaving him for sure, he sounds absolutely awful.

Christ, why the jump to dementia? Lots of men are just abusive arseholes.

It's utterly vile and disrespectful and he is being a sex pest.

You are not being a prude!!!