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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found something interesting

30 replies

Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 11:14

Hi I‘be posted previously about not being happy in my relationship etc. So my husband was flicking though twitter and as I walked past I caught a glimpse of naked women on the newsfeed. That’s fine I don’t care, although shit would hit the fan if I had naked men on my phone. He kind of turned it off very quickly. I didn’t say anything I just thought well, well, well. I don’t have twitter but I created an account just to investigate further. I know some people may not agree with that but I was intrigued. If I asked him outright it would have somehow been turned into me! So yes there are a couple of naked models he follows to look at the pictures I imagine. But also there is a “page he follows” which is naked women and it’s kind of a chat page, like click here to chat, txt this number to chat, webcam etc. So, I wanted to get peoples opinion, do you think he is speaking to these people or just perving on the pictures? My gut says he’s messaged! TIA

OP posts:
category12 · 20/08/2020 11:22

Well, it's your gut.

You know the guy and if you think he's liable to cheat, and you're not happy in the relationship anyway, what's the point of carrying on?

MMmomDD · 20/08/2020 12:01

There is no way to tell if he is chatting. These things with offers of chats and cams pop up everywhere. Even on my kids tablets sometimes, unfortunately. So - that alone isn’t a proof of anything.

That said - you say you are unhappy. So - does it really matter? You know you don’t need an excuse to leave.

Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 12:07

Yes I think I am looking for excuses unfortunately. It’s not an advert that has popped up it is an actual page that he follows. I can’t decide whether he is following it to just look at the pictures or whether he chose to follow it because he can chat and interact with them. It just confirms things I have thought that’s all that he made me feel like I was crazy for so I’m interested to get peoples opinion. Xx

OP posts:
VesperLynne · 20/08/2020 12:13

You need to have a serious conversation with him. Playing games on twitter won't sort it out.

Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 12:16

I don’t see how I am playing games. I appreciate your reply but I was just looking for advice and opinions.

OP posts:
Notapheasantplucker · 20/08/2020 12:20

I'd ask him OP. Maybe ask him how he would like it if the shoe was on the other foot.
He clearly wouldn't like it if you had these sorts of pictures and pages on your SM so why is he doing it?

Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 12:25

I don’t see the point in having a conversation with him. We’ve been through the same thing last year where I noticed he was following naked women on twitter, I was on twitter at this point, and I raised it with him and told him how I felt, I was upset, felt like I wasn’t good enough etc, he acknowledged that it wasn’t ideal and unfollowed them and said sorry etc. When I noticed this time I wasn’t hurt or upset, It just confirmed things I had been thinking. No respect for me or my feelings etc. Oh he would definitely hit the roof if it was me, if I wear a thong (under my jeans) to work, or if I shave my bikini line or anything he asks me why I’m doing it, is it for the men at work!! (I work in a bar)

OP posts:
Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 12:25

Thankyou though everyone for your input x

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 20/08/2020 12:28

OP - what I meant about these things being all over the web is that one doesn’t need to follow any twitter accounts to chat or use cam porn.

So - it’s really impossible for anyone here on MN to tell you what your bf if doing or not doing on the Internet.
Asking him as some suggest - is totally pointless. There is no way he’d admit to anything. And he already denied before as you mentioned.

So - really - it’s up to you to decide what you want in life and in your relationship. It’s hard to tell if it’s totally broken, but you are clearly not in a good place and have trust issues. What makes you stay?

Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 12:29

Oh sorry, yes I get what you mean now and you are absolutely right x

OP posts:
sausagefest9 · 20/08/2020 12:31

It's not something I'd put up with. I've been very clear from the get go with my partner about what i find disrespectful and crossing the line.... for me that would be crossing the line.

I'd think my partner was desperate to be following pages like that.

I'd want to find out more info.... but I'd be sure that he probably would be chatting.... I'd gather as much info if you feel you need it to help you make a decision one way or another.

It's bloody disrespectful if you've already had that conversation in the past and he's doing it again.

Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 12:36

I agree that it is disrespectful especially because we’ve already had this discussion.
It makes me angrier because he is constantly accusing me of things, I cant even comment on a male singers voice without it meaning I fancy them. He used to cover my eyes if a half naked man came on the tv!!! He doesn’t do that now but still accuses me of anything and everything. Thats what is worse because I just feel like he is a hypocrite and how dare he constantly accuse me of cheating, or make me feel like I’m doing something wrong by wearing a thong, or shaving, or doing my hair nice

OP posts:
namechange12a · 20/08/2020 12:43

OP his behaviour is really disturbing and I think him following naked women on Twitter is the least of your worries here.

In what way would 'the shit hit the fan' if you were looking at naked men? What would he do?

He is very, very controlling. He constantly accuses you of cheating and tells you what you can and can't wear and what you can do with your own body. This isn't love OP, it's abuse.

Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 12:48

He would just make me feel really bad about it if it was me, he would make me feel like a horrible person
He tries to be controlling but I still wear a thong to work and shave my bikini lol. He just likes to guilt trip me about it and make me feel like I’m doing something wrong. He says I never wear a thong for him,,,I do! I wear a thong everyday but Sometimes on an evening when I put my pjs on, or at night when it’s the time of the month I wear panties but he tries to tell me I only ever wear panties for him! He does this a lot where he says something that it not entirely true but I think he does actually convince himself that it is the truth and he actually begins to believe it

OP posts:
namechange12a · 20/08/2020 12:59

Is this how you want to live your life OP? With a sad sack who follows naked women on Twitter, argues with you about wearing knickers (not the p word for the love of god) and puts his hands over your eyes when an attractive man is on TV - who is constantly accusing you of cheating and wants to control how you have your hair?

Is this how you imagined a loving relationship to be?

Original poster
Cassandra1 · 20/08/2020 13:03

Haha yes sorry panties is a bit of a weird word to use, I was gonna say granny pants 😂
But no it’s not how I want to live my life I just don’t know how I’m gonna leave. I guess I was kinda hoping this was going to be an excuse.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 20/08/2020 13:35

Very sad that a Husband has to get his kicks looking at naked women,or maybe talking to them, so not much of a Husband. He sounds very immature, and seems to not put much value on your marriage at all.

All in all, it is a waste of time having a man with these tendencies in your life, if you think he will never change.

DianaT1969 · 20/08/2020 13:42

Your relationship doesn't sound good or fun. It's up to you if you think he's worth sticking with. But you'll have to assume he's looking at other women or possibly contacting them, as he has form for it.

MMmomDD · 20/08/2020 13:45

You should have made a post titled -
“AIBU to want to chose my own panties....“

What he does on Twitters really isn’t your main concern. However - making your grooming routine and underwear choices something he thinks he is entitled to judge / control is just plain unacceptable.
What planet is he from???

Dontletitbeyou · 20/08/2020 14:13

People who cheat , or have thoughts of cheating are very often obsessive about trying to control their partners , and continually accuse them of cheating . It’s just projection .

FippertyGibbett · 20/08/2020 14:18

You don’t need an excuse to leave, but am I right in thinking you need 5 unreasonable behaviours to divorce ?
Why can’t you just not want to be married anymore, it seems so antiquated.

Stuck1 · 24/08/2020 08:41

Just noticed he’s also following similar groups on Facebook, a lot of boob, ass and more 🙄 quite graphic.

GilbertMarkham · 24/08/2020 09:15

how dare he constantly accuse me of cheating, or make me feel like I’m doing something wrong by wearing a thong, or shaving, or doing my hair nice

He used to cover my eyes if a half naked man came on the tv!!!

He's a desperately insecure, controlling, jealous type. That's stressful and very unattractive, and that's not getting into him being a massive hypocrite as well.

I think most women would be uncomfortable with their partner browsing and following naked & sexy pic sites/feeds But on top of his mental behaviour ...

I suppose that behaviour is actually the more important issue.

I can only imagine how he is if you'd like to go on s girls night out or socialise on your own etc (?)

GilbertMarkham · 24/08/2020 09:19

Men with "jealous, controlling, insecure man disease" are incredibly stressful and stifling to be involved with. It's unfair and actually abusive.

I also often find they're the sort who would cheat at the drop of a hat and project that onto everyone else, men and women.
So you're always suspected of cheating and every other man is suspecting of being interested in you and trying it on with you.

Please don't have kids with this guy if you haven't already, and think seriously about getting out.

GilbertMarkham · 24/08/2020 09:22

*Is this how you want to live your life OP? With a sad sack who follows naked women on Twitter, argues with you about wearing knickers (not the p word for the love of god) and puts his hands over your eyes when an attractive man is on TV - who is constantly accusing you of cheating and wants to control how you have your hair?

Is this how you imagined a loving relationship to be?*

Exactly.

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