This is a first world problem so I feel bad even asking about it. DH and I are comfortably off. My brother, who lives in another country, isn’t. He is self-employed and his business hasn’t been doing well, even before Covid. He is a recovering alcoholic who let things slide. His wife, who kept their finances under control, finally washed her hands of him ten years ago and I can’t say I blame her. He has been with his new partner since his post-divorce rehab and she has helped him two or three times to get back on the wagon, the last time with an ultimatum. As far as I know he’s been TT for a good couple of years.
Nevertheless, his business isn’t making ends meet. Or something. It involves him making big cash layouts which he can’t always recover from his clients – the weather gets in the way, or the client goes back to England. (I don’t understand why he doesn’t get payment on account, but that’s beside the point.)
So every six months or so he asks us for a big bailout. These are always couched as loans but of course there is never anything formal (that would be unthinkable) and since his divorce we have never received a penny back, nor do we expect to.
It’s coming to a lot of money over the years. I honestly don’t know what would become of him if we didn’t help. His partner works hard, but in a low wage job. But I’m starting to feel resentful. Perhaps it’s my problem rather than his? I feel as if I’m going without things I’d like (a new car, for example) to help him out, though the things I’m going without aren’t things I actually need.
No other members of the family are aware of this. I don’t know if even his partner knows about it. DH is an absolute hero. If he resents it at all, he doesn’t show it. He just shrugs and says we do what we can, and we’d do it for any other member of the family too. And have.
But I feel my brother is taking the piss. He’s always resented the different life I’ve had ever since I did well at school, and this feels like his revenge. DH has suggested asking him man to man what steps he’s taking to put his business on a more practical footing, but that might appear overly aggressive. (DB is thin-skinned.) It’s not as if we can’t afford the subs, which look as if they will have to continue forever.
We are enabling him. I am reluctant to challenge him for risk of pushing him over the edge.
What would you do?