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Original poster

Would you go on a second date?

29 replies

bigfalafel · 16/08/2020 10:23

Went on a date with a lovely bloke last night. He is intelligent, interested in me, funny, we share so many interests, he's accepting entirely of the fact I have a toddler... his personality is unbelievably attractive! But... I don't know if I'm physically attracted to him. In fact, I don't often find myself physically attracted to anyone, and when I do, they tend to be rude or boring or a bad fit.

Would you go on a few more dates? Or is it a bad sign from the beginning if the physical attraction isn't there?

OP posts:
RedRec · 16/08/2020 10:31

I had exactly the same last night, OP. Have decided to go no further with it as the spark/ physical attraction is very important for me.
I have already let him down gently, this morning, and the relief is immense!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Palavah · 16/08/2020 10:39

Definitely yes. Because you said this He is intelligent, interested in me, funny, we share so many interests, he's accepting entirely of the fact I have a toddler... his personality is unbelievably attractive!

Ever developed a crush on someone you know, someone at work, or someone on tv that you didnt immediately fancy but did after getting to know them a bit?

Original poster
bigfalafel · 16/08/2020 10:42

@Palavah those were my thoughts exactly. Every single person I've ever had a crush on has been someone I've known for a while who I didn't initially find attractive, but their personality made me attracted to them and physical attraction only started once I got to know them.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/08/2020 10:45

Yes I probably would. The attraction might grow. A second date doesn't mean the decision has been made and your stuck together.

MakeItRain · 16/08/2020 10:47

I think, based on what you've said in your second post, I'd have a second date. But take it slowly. You're already thinking of a possible long term relationship, when the reality is, you really don't know this person at all. Just take some time getting to know him and don't rush it or worry about where it's going.

Original poster
bigfalafel · 16/08/2020 10:48

I'll also add that I definitely don't find him unattractive. I went on a date with a nice bloke once but found him physically unattractive. Other people would likely have found him attractive but he was super muscly and a bit macho looking. Not for me and I called it off straight away as I just knew I could never be attracted to him. This guy I'm not feeling so negative about. I just don't find him drop dead gorgeous

OP posts:
Normalmumandwife · 16/08/2020 10:58

I would go on a few more dates before dumping. He has a lot of positive attributes BUT ultimately you need to get to the point where you do really fancy him and want him to peel your knix off. If you don't then he isn't right for you as sexual attraction is a must but not always immediately

OldChinaJug · 16/08/2020 11:00

Every single person I've ever had a crush on has been someone I've known for a while who I didn't initially find attractive, but their personality made me attracted to them and physical attraction only started once I got to know them.

In that case, and especially given you don't find him unattractive, I'd go on a second date with him.

A few years ago, my attached colleague and I discovered a man would be joining our team on a PT basis. Cue lots of unprofessional speculation and excitement Grin we were both quite disappointed when a pasty, overweight, averagely attractive man 8 years my junior turned up... but a strong attraction between he and I developed over the months.

So I wouldn't write him off just yet...

Original poster
bigfalafel · 16/08/2020 11:16

It's weird. I can't stop thinking about him. He's so lovely.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2020 11:20

You def need to give it time. Don't rush into anything physical, they're isn't a time line, bit if you know you normally need to know a guy first and he rocks am the other boxes, see where it goes.

I would say the guys I go for aren't conventionally good looking, bit on every case I feel for their personality after getting to know them

ThirtyAndASmidgen · 16/08/2020 11:23

I think people tend to fall into two camps - those for whom love can grow, and those who need an initial spark. I’ve fancied the pants off my DP since we met (he’s not supermodel attractive but very much “my type”) and I find it really refreshing not to have to second-guess my attraction. I tried to make it work a few times with men I was less attracted to and it never worked out.

OldChinaJug · 16/08/2020 11:27

It's weird. I can't stop thinking about him. He's so lovely

Well in that case, you'd be daft to not see him again!!

I've only had that instant attraction to 3 men.

One was my child's father; one was a man who literally stopped me in my tracks. It wasnt the same for him but I clearly grew on him Grin; and the other was my current boyfriend.

If anything, I don't like it as much as the slow realisation because I get really tongue tied and nervous and never really fully relax. Plus there's something really nice about there whole 'something there that wasn't there before' aspect of it!

Bells3032 · 16/08/2020 11:28

Op you sound quite demisexual. So I woild deff give it another shot. I am also demisexual and rarely feel attracted to someone right away. Also you're very nervous on the first date and don't let your guard down.

If he ticks ever other box then what have you got to lose by giving it another chance.

Bells3032 · 16/08/2020 11:30

@bigfalafel

It's weird. I can't stop thinking about him. He's so lovely.
Then deff go!! Honestly it sounds like you like him. What have you got to lose?
Bloodylush · 16/08/2020 11:35

Unless it was a definite no I would give him another chance.

takenbywine · 16/08/2020 11:35

I always say looks will fade. If you're dating a hot guy make sure you imagine him bald and with a belly and then take it from there to see if you could cope with the personality.

He is intelligent, interested in me, funny, we share so many interests, he's accepting entirely of the fact I have a toddler... his personality is unbelievably attractive!

This is enough for me to want to go on a second date as looks will fade but the personality won't. Plus I'm the type that will fall for someone once I get to know them deeper but with the hot guys it's always a crush/lust that crumbles away after a few dates when I start imaging them bald and ageing and can't see any personality or anything that will make them worthy enough to invest into.

Isthisnothing · 16/08/2020 11:41

Oh my god how is this a question - yes definitely! He's not asking you to elope.

chubbyhotchoc · 16/08/2020 11:49

Yes. I always went on another if they were 'ok'. Usually on the second date they're a bit more confident and you see bit more of their personality.

Palavah · 16/08/2020 11:56

It's weird. I can't stop thinking about him. He's so lovely.

That's not weird - that's good!

How old are you, OP? In my experience we recognise the value of traits other than an initial physical 'wow' factor. That doesn't mean your settling.

Oh - and just because you want something serious doesnt mean you need to be planning that far ahead now. Just take it one date at a time, and enjoy!

OldChinaJug · 16/08/2020 12:36

Op you sound quite demisexual

Oh FFS, not everything needs a fucking label! 🤣

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 16/08/2020 12:39

I had this a few years ago, I let him down gently. We stayed in touch for a bit and I ended up regretting it massively - but by the time I realised it was too late and he was with someone else. Definitely give it a chance!

Original poster
bigfalafel · 16/08/2020 14:04

This has made me feel so much better. My gut tells me that I really want to see him again.

OP posts:
goatley · 16/08/2020 14:09

Oh yes. Definitely go for a second date. I think it can take a little time for people to even get to know each other.

Sounds like he has some good qualities to begin with so take k it slow and find out more about each other.

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/08/2020 14:10

Has you asked you out for a second date - or are you jumping the gun a bit here?

Hopefully he fancies the pants off YOU and his enthusiasm will rub off on you. Or you may never hear from him again...

Original poster
bigfalafel · 16/08/2020 14:13

@Zaphodsotherhead yes he's asked for a second date. Was really enthusiastic. He wants to take me to a 'hidden gem' in town Smile

OP posts:
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