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Relationships

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Original poster

Found out husband has cheated, we go on holiday tomorrow!

131 replies

Unknownn5 · 15/08/2020 19:09

I’ve today found out my husband has cheated with a girl from work. We’ve been together 12 years and have 2 children. He has said in the past he felt like something was missing between us, and I tried really hard to make him happy, I always felt that I tried harder to help our relationship and my efforts were knocked back a lot of the time. But, that said, the good outweighed the bad, and we get on great and our great parents to our two children. We were happy. Today I found out he cheated a couple of weeks ago, I seen a message on his lock screen when I moved his phone, it made me go funny and I asked him outright if he was cheating to which he said yes. Then he asked me what he wanted him to say. I said you could have started with sorry. I don’t even think he is sorry though. We’re meant to be going on holiday in the morning, we have two kids super excited and are totally packed and ready to go. I just don’t know what to do. I have no one to talk too, I’m not ready to admit this to anyone who knows us.

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 15/08/2020 19:59

@Pr1mr0se

I am saddened by the number of people on here saying 'stay at home'. Why should you miss out on a holiday because he made one mistake? Go on holiday and make it clear you need to talk about it sensibly. Don't run for the hills without at least talking it through calmly.

I agree, no way should he get to go on holiday and enjoy himself (probably whilst constantly texting other woman), leave him at home and take the kids.

Zebracat · 15/08/2020 20:00

However you feel and whatever you do, please don’t for one second let him believe it’s his choice to stay or leave, and that you will gratefully accept any crumbs from his table. If possible, I would send him with the kids, stay home and if possible invite a single friend/ relative to stay. Use the time to forensically investigate your finances, and get the house super clean. Don’t know why that helps, but it does. Then get it valued, . You need to be and feel powerful and in control of your destiny, and he needs to know, otherwise in no time you will be accepting all responsibility for this and begging him to stay. He clearly doesn’t have much respect for you, and if you do that, he will have less. Let him know he is in deep shit, but try not to cry around him. Keep your distance, don’t look to him for comfort. He is not your friend.
Having once been in this position and Responded with the whole “I can’t live without you “ thing, I vowed that if it happened again, I would hold hard with both hands to my dignity. You can too.

DPotter · 15/08/2020 20:00

tell him he's going with the kids.
Don't let him stay home alone - that's a reward. He'll be free to canoodle with his bit on the side if you go away without him.
Use the time to clear your head a bit and start planning for a new future.

TatianaBis · 15/08/2020 20:02

I’d say he comes down with ‘Covid symptoms‘ tonight and can’t travel tomorrow. No way are you missing your holiday.

AryaStarkWolf · 15/08/2020 20:03

Agree with most on the thread, I would tell him to take the kids so you can have some time to process this and make a plan

So sorry this is happening to you

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 15/08/2020 20:03

Oh man that's incredibly cold of him. I am aching for you OP, you deserve way better than this.

Summer41 · 15/08/2020 20:05

I would go on holiday for the kids but I'd be sleeping in the kids room and leaving him in a room on his own. And I'd tell him to put his phone away and on silent. If he's communicating with her you and the kids don't need to know about it.

RoadworksAgain · 15/08/2020 20:05

I am saddened by the number of people on here saying 'stay at home'. Why should you miss out on a holiday because he made one mistake?

Well it won't be much of a holiday for the OP either way - but still going on holiday together and playing happy families , OR leaving him at home for 2 weeks child free seems like happy days and a reward for him.

Staffy1 · 15/08/2020 20:06

You go on holiday with the kids, (and a friend or relative if you can at thi late notice). Why should he get to have a good time with your kids while you are left on your own and miss out on your kids excitement and a change of scene for yourself. Let the jerk stay behind.

supersop60 · 15/08/2020 20:06

@Pr1mr0se

Aw, bless. He made a mistake. Let's go on holiday and talk about it calmly. NO. He made it quite clear that he had checked out of the relationship long before this, OP tried hard to make him happy, and now he has cheated and is not sorry. This relationship is over, and OP, as a pp said, it's you who gets to choose what happens next. I'm so sorry this has happened.

TatianaBis · 15/08/2020 20:07

Missing out on a holiday with his kids is hardly a reward. Or if it seems like one to you why book holidays at all?

Nixen · 15/08/2020 20:09

Go on holiday with the kids. Tell him he needs to be packed and gone when you get back.

Incidentally, I hope she’s a ‘woman’ not a ‘girl’

AteAllTheAfterEights · 15/08/2020 20:10

How far are you going? Could you split the trip with the kids?

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 15/08/2020 20:10

Then he asked me what he wanted him to say. I said you could have started with sorry. I don’t even think he is sorry though.

I'm so sorry, OP - they want to be found out and they want someone else to take the responsibility of telling them what to say and do.

You have my best wishes for what that's worth - I hope your choices and what you want become very clear to you.

AryaStarkWolf · 15/08/2020 20:11

The reason I would rather stay home in this situation is that I couldn't imagine being able to enjoy myself after such a big and hurtful shock, I'd rather be able to get support from friends, cry, have a few drinks and make some plans. If she goes she would have to put on a brave face and act happy for her children's sakes

Chaotica · 15/08/2020 20:13

I'd go on holiday with the kids, without him.

Longdistance · 15/08/2020 20:13

Where are you off to? If it’s a UK holiday, send him with them and stay home. If they miss you, go join them as soon as.
Get yourself sorted first. But, quite frankly the cunt doesn’t deserve a holiday.

Malaya · 15/08/2020 20:14

Tell him to take the kids and use the time to get your things in order. Is the house in both your names? If it’s just yours, I would pack up his stuff ready for when he comes back. If not, it’s a bit more complicated. Speak to a solicitor and get ready to leave.

refusetobeasheep · 15/08/2020 20:19

we're saying send him on the holiday as she needs this time to spend with a friend and start protecting herself by seeing a solicitor and getting paperwork. and there's no way she can enjoy the holiday now. He knew this was coming and will have planned - she really needs to now. He no longer has your interests in mind OP.

Oakmaiden · 15/08/2020 20:19

How old are the children and where is the holiday?

spongedog · 15/08/2020 20:21

I agree with most posters. Off he goes on holiday with the kids.

But you have a lot of work to do. Gather and copy, then keep very safe outside the house any financial paperwork. You need to know exactly where you as a family stand wrt pensions, incomes, assets, liabilities, debts etc. Remove DC passports/birth certs if you can.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 15/08/2020 20:22

Perhaps tell him you're taking the kids on holiday alone and you want him gone by the time you get back?

PicsInRed · 15/08/2020 20:24

I agree, no way should he get to go on holiday and enjoy himself (probably whilst constantly texting other woman), leave him at home and take the kids.

Oh he's not going on holiday, he's about to be busier and more frazzled that he's ever been in his sweet life. 😂

Iooselipssinkships · 15/08/2020 20:25

It's easy for us all to say go alone or send him with the children but if you are going to continue as planned use it as middle ground to talk about what happened and decide on what it is you want to do going forward. Have him take off with the kids while you get plenty of me time and space to think.

Palavah · 15/08/2020 20:28

If it's a UK holiday I would probably go for the sake of the children

Sod that - have you seen the forecast?! Send him if it's uk.

If it's somewhere lovely where you think youll have a great time not having to think about meals and enjoying relaxing, then go yourself.

Do not try to stick it out together.

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