How many men who claim to be secret agents have you come across?

[twentytwentyvision]

It seems to be a common theme amongst con artists or those who are married and have an extra family somewhere.

I've now heard of 3 or 4 guys who have very confusing and suspicious back stories and explain everything away as they work for intelligence services and can't possibly answer any questions about their whereabouts or why they're not contactable for long periods of time.

I'm surprised to have heard of so many mysterious men claiming to be secret agents. I've seen it a few times here as well - where someone is worried about a friend or relative having got involved with a guy who claims to be a secret agent.

I was wondering how common it is - if anyone else has met a man who's claimed he's a spy - or if a friend/relative has got involved with someone like this. I think it's loosely linked to the works on an oil rig and is uncontactable story which I have also heard of!

[LightDrizzle]

None.
I’ve met one ex-SAS. I don’t think it was him who told everyone though, I think it was one of the Chambers steering committee who interviewed and recruited him who couldn’t keep it to himself so it got around. He would talk about it in the broadest terms at social dos when asked. He specialised in mountaineering and still did ghastly things like climb Mount McKinley for fun, his favourite mountain apparently.
You’d never guess he was ex-SAS, he was tall but not muscle-bound, and he was very nice and personable. Not macho at all.
He had a girlfriend and an enormous baby, he wasn’t on the pull. He was a colleague of my ex.

[nachthexe]

I know a couple. They are just ‘civil servants’ or ‘in the army’ and bland. Anyone wooing you with tales just needs an eye roll.
I could tell you who but I’d have to kill you.

[LightDrizzle]

He never mentioned where/if he’d been deployed for example. He’d just confirm that was right, mentioned he still had good friends from those days and then talk about his next trip to climb a hideous mountain.

[sixlemons]

I got to know a woman in antenatal classes who was a squadron leader in the RAF (we live near a base) and her DH was in the military also. I had to get MOD clearance before visiting her house after our babies were born. She told me that her DH was something in security and had a very boring desk-based job.

One day she told me they would soon be posted at short notice, and that we might not be able to continue being friends, as friendships outside the military were actively discouraged because of her DH's job. She was clearly embarrassed at telling me.

Never saw or heard from her ever again.

[TheSecondMrsAshwell]

I worked with one. This was in the days before smartphones, but if he'd had one, he would have arrived each morning to the James Bond theme.

[dodobookends]

I know a James Bond stuntman, does that count?!

[ImRealHonest]

Not secret agents but I do know ‘ex-SAS man’

One former colleague would tell everyone about his SAS days. Over the years, the stories were embellished and became even more unbelievable. Total Walter Mitty.

On the other hand, I have a wonderful friend who has a normal run of the mill job, but I’ve always known he was military in his younger days (he’s old enough to be my dad). We went once to a random country - reasonably touristy country, but we went hiking in a remote area for a week. One night he broke down and told me why he’d wanted to go there. He cried for hours. He’s never once mentioned it again.

I believe every single heartbroken, truly devastating word he told me that night, unlike the colleague’s heroic tales of running out of bombed buildings carrying toddlers.

[StormBaby]

Yeah I agree if anyone tells you openly then they aren’t one. The guy I know I’ve known for 30 years and we dated very briefly, even his parents don’t know what he does because his dad is a drunk and would 100% tell everyone at the pub. He has a boring office job for m15, not an agent, and it’s still that secretive.

[PastMyBestBeforeDate]

My ex applied to MI5 after we divorced. He rang me up to tell me that they might contact me. And if they did I shouldn't tell them he'd told me
Sadly they didn't. And he didn't start working anywhere that could have been a cover. He did genuinely think he was a good candidate.

[bengalcat]

Zero and as others have indicated if a man plays the 007 card then he almost certainly isn’t one .

[CorianderLord]

None...

[Natsku]

My ex claimed he had been offered a job in a kind of 'secret agent' kind of capacity. It was his attempt to get custody of our child (because she would only be safe with him, with government security...). He was later diagnosed with delusional disorder though.

[PinPon]

None... but maybe they were all really, really good at being undercover agents so I didn’t suspect a thing!

[Ratonastick]

I have known two, maybe. One was a very elderly neighbour. Very nice chap, had an allotment and nice little house in a tiny village. Always very vague about having worked in the foreign service and gave the impression that he was once 3rd or 4th tier in random and rather low level embassies. After he died, his obituary in the Times made jaw dropping reading as he was basically George Smiley and instrumental in smoking out a couple of the Cambridge spies. Interestingly his history had come out some years before as certain government papers were released but he still never spoke about it so I guess the training went deep.

The other was a guy I knew quite well. I knew he was ex army as I met him via another ex army mate and he just said he worked in oil and gas. Basically left me with the impression that he was an analyst or an accountant or something. About a year later I saw him in the background of a news report about a major governmental summit in the Gulf and I think he might be in close personal protection. Don’t actually know though.

As a PP said, the ones that tell you, aren’t! But the slightly vague ones who chat away without telling you anything and can keep it up for years, probably are!

[AudTheDeepMinded]

An old housemate of mine is married to someone at GCHQ. When we catch up I always ask 'how's work?, don't bother replying I know you can't tell me!!'

[FattyBoom]

Ha ha, yes there are an AWFUL lot of secret agents/special forces on OLD. It's amazing how many of them can't drive though.....🤔

[ChickensMightFly]

I've met one, few years ago now. I was training him in a work role and had to spend the day with him. He confided in me he was a secret agent... A samurai one at that. I was very very impressed and asked to see his sword skills... That last sentence is the not true bit.

[FattyBoom]

@SlipperySnail

NC for this just in case he is actually in the secret service and tracks me down.

Ex friend of mines partner is apparently a spy. It’s really sad, she has a baby with him as well and sees him one night a fortnight (if that). Not even a whole day! As in he comes at 9pm and leaves at 6am the next morning. He apparently travels everywhere for work and gets no holiday, also a very shitty salary. She said he earned the same as her and she works in a restaurant.

I cut the friendship a while ago because she was using me as a bit of an emotional punching bag due to him not being around at all, not sure if anything has changed.

Errrr he's clearly married

[thanksamillion]

I live near Cheltenham and have quite a few friends that work at GCHQ. If someone local is vague about where they work you pretty much know it's there. I've got no idea what my friend actually do and wouldn't bother to ask though.

[VesperLynne]

None

[StrictlyAFemaleFemale]

Im from Gloucester so know a fair few people who work at gchq. Does that count?

I did know one bloke in the army who told some tales I didnt quite believe.

[TitsOutForHarambe]

Well, somebody somewhere must be one lol. Although I would imagine that they don't go around telling it to every woman they shag... if they do then God help us when the Russians decide they want to take over.

[FancyARoot]

One of my family members was a spy. He went missing and no one but his mother knew until years later. We still don’t know what happened to him and I don’t think there’s any way of finding out.
From what we do know though he must have been very brave. It was before I was born so I never knew him.

[JackPaul]

Zero and if he was actually a secret agent he wouldnt say a word. I think a person would be very naive to believe a story like that.

[MaitlandGirl]

@FancyARoot My wife great uncle (FIL's maternal uncle) disappeared for a few years and then resurfaced looking quite unwell but refusing to tell anyone apart from his sister (FIL's mum) where he'd been. The family rumour is that he was in prison somewhere in relation to his foreign office work.

I've no idea how we'd ever prove or disprove that and DW doesn't want to look into it too closely incase it's not correct.