Give me strength to leave her next week

[Jack1964]

Ok I have posted on here before under finally leaving my wife.
The short of my story is as follows.
Married 30 yrs, 2 children all grown up one in last year of college .
Relatively well off 2 homes and extra savings.
My wife is the controlling type always gets her way , looks after all savings and always makes the decisions .
We have a very successful business together of which I’m the main breadwinner.
Wife had a emotional affair last year and was ready to meet up with the man when I was outa town, well he broke it off last minute , the texts and photos sent to each other were rather graphic.
I have rented a place for a year starting Aug 1st 2020
I am planning on moving out on Aug 16 once my son goes back to college (I will be flying over there on the 28th Aug and I will take him out and explain our separation)
We did do some counseling after her affair but if truth be told I’ve probably wanted to leave this marriage for the last 10 years.
Anyway I just would like to keep my resolve on the 16th and finally leave her but I’m afraid it’s going to be to difficult as her behavior has become very nice and calm of late.
What can I do to give myself that final push out the door.

Thanks for reading

I’m telling my wife tonight that I will be leaving her.
I don’t think she has a inkling that it’s coming.
What say you!
Last words of advice pls

Jack you really don’t need the big fan fair. If you’d have really wanted to go you’d have gone by now

Good luck jack

Jack, you deserve more. You thought you could get over everything, but you are human and you deserve a full happy life, being valued for who you are.

Be strong and don't doubt yourself. X

I wish you the very best of luck moving forward. Let us know how it goes. It must be such a sad situation for all, but you know what you must do to be happy,however heartbreaking it must be for all involved

Good luck

Good luck

Why do you feel you need a big exit speech? Just sit down with her and tell her you are leaving. Please don't do anything horrible because she will tell your children and you may lose their respect.
Good luck.

Short, to the point, factual.

You aren't happy, the relationship is unhealthy and so you have decided it's not a relationship you want to be in any more. Your mind is made up.

The more you expand the more drawn out it will be and then more likely it is you'll be manipulated through either guilt or exhaustion.

Good luck.

Jack this time next year I need to be you, broadly similar reasons, and over 30 years married. I'd love to see you come on tomorrow and say you managed it.

If not, I've been advised to have a friend waiting outside and to say something like "I have something very sad to tell you" but make sure you don't start a discussion and get out of the house as you have somewhere to go, say you will be in touch and you can discuss practicalities then. If you can't do that then it will have to be the note. Hope to hear good news from you tomorrow.

@Jack1964

I’m telling my wife tonight that I will be leaving her. I don’t think she has a inkling that it’s coming. What say you! Last words of advice pls

You almost sound proud . Enjoy your fans on here !

If you haven't done it tonight then just go without any discussion next time you know you'll have a couple of clear hours to move the rest of your things.

It's much, much easier to say 'I have moved out' than 'I'm going to move out'.

Think this is invention, to be honest.
Jack is a woman, in any event

Just tell her you need some space at the moment. She doesn't need to know about the 1 year lease.
Tell her you are staying with friends / air bnb if it's easier to begin with.

Didn’t have the balls to do it last night, so hopefully tonight

Oh dear. Why was that?

I think you should talk to her.

You see, we only know your side of the marriage. Where you said this:

My wife is the controlling type always gets her way , looks after all savings and always makes the decisions .

How do we know that she is not saying to her online friends that -

• you won't make decisions (dithering over leaving her could be an example) -isn't that good with the money (she has to look after it all) -she has to run the show (or else no one will.)

Controlling can be another word for getting stuff done and taking responsibility. How would she see it?

How do we know she isn't saying you are so embroiled with work that you opted out of the marriage (you decided 10 years ago you wanted to leave) and therefore she's taken comfort in an emotional affair to get someone to notice her?

I'm playing devil's advocate Jack, but having been married longer than you , I know there are always two sides.

You only show your side here. You've not given any real details of abuse only that she runs the show- well, as you are both living off your joint business, maybe what she does is necessary and you don't step up and do your bit?

I don't know- I'm just saying how do you think she sees it?

@Gubbeen

I don’t understand why you have not told your wife of 30 years that you are leaving her. If you checked out of the marriage mentally a decade ago surely you are way past the point of being ‘talked out of it’?

Really? Would you say that a woman looking to leave her dh under the same circumstances?

She is controlling, holds the finances, and makes all the decisions. She is abusive.

She is controlling, holds the finances, and makes all the decisions

She is abusive.

Whoooa!

There are two ways of looking at that kind of behaviour.

I know many couples where the wife (or husband) makes the decisions, controls the money and keeps the show on the road. The are all happy and that's how they work in their marriage.
Some couples are very happy to let one partner shoulder the responsibility.

You simply can't label someone as 'abusive' because they take the lion's share of managing the money and making decisions.

The question really is why 'Jack' allowed this to go on for 30 years without standing up for himself if he was unhappy.

Hope everything works out for you

Is this for real?
Something off about the "big announcement"

You'll be still telling yourself you're leaving in 10 years time.
Very sad. Unfortunately.

Sounds like an OW manipulating the whole situation.

I think it's pretty disgusting and cowardly to walk out on someone without telling them after 30 years.
Grow a spine and tell her and then grow another one and leave.
My ex did this and I lost the last vestiges of respect for him. After 20 years of self sacrifice on my part and utter selfishness on his he was just gone when I got home from hospital off to live with the other woman.
Disgusting. You are not 5 years old you are a man, tell her if you want your children to respect her.

Respect you that should say.