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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ds calling my mum "mum"

28 replies

nappyaddict · 01/10/2007 14:25

would you be upset?

or AIBU to be getting upset over this?

i don't think it's the fact he calls her mum - he calls everyone that. i think it's the fact she answers to it. i think she should be saying no, it's grandma. but she says it doesn't matter if he's going to call her mum she's not going to ignore him.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 01/10/2007 14:30

that would really piss me off

tell her it does matter and she is wrong and has to stop reinforcing it

wtf?

ComeOVeneer · 01/10/2007 14:32

How old is ds? No I don't think YABU to not like it. Can you talk to her about it and let her know how much it is bothering you?

MadamePlatypus · 01/10/2007 14:35

My MIL sometimes refers to herself as mummy and FIL as daddy when talking to DS. It is incredibly annoying, but I think it is more about her being as mad as a box of frogs than about me and my relationship with DS. Usually I ignore it, but on some days, I agree, it can be the final straw...

How old is your DS? If he is little she should correct him, in the same way that she would correct him on other mistakes, e.g. a gentle "Oh do you want to talk to grandma? grandma is here...".

bookthief · 01/10/2007 14:38

YANBU. Your mum is right that she shouldn't ignore him but she should be correcting him.

It would definitely bother me.

Tortington · 01/10/2007 14:39

my cousin has a 2 year old. when i visited last he was calling me "ma ma" and then sat next to me - i took great satisfaction in telling her that she had lost him to me now - her face was a picture - she was gutted.

of course the kid has prob forgotten who i am now until next time we visit each other.

i think your being over sensative he wont be calluing her "mum" when he is 16 and wants a tenner.

WinkyWinkola · 01/10/2007 14:40

It would bother me too. But I'm not sure why. She's not his mum obviously so it's just a word for another woman he loves? But YANBU.

My MIL would love it if my DCs called her mum. Her other GCs used to call her mama and she was very sad when they stopped.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 01/10/2007 14:41

i have told her time and time again. she says he is only 15 months he is just calling me that cos its the only word he knows. fair enough. i'm sure other babies call everyone mum or dad when they don;t know other words. what's different is i'm sure other people would say to the child oh, what do you want but it's grandma isn't it or suchlike.

OP posts:
taxingtimes · 01/10/2007 14:42

It may be because he hears you calling her mum. A lot of children go through a stage of calling their parents by their name (my DD did) because that is what they hear other people calling them, but it passes. I suggest you start calling her grandma in front of him or refering to her as grandma if you talk about her to others when she is not there. and he is I think he will soon pick up the lead from you.

NotQuiteCockney · 01/10/2007 14:45

I wouldn't be that bothered, I don't think.

But then, at the parent-run nursery I work at, kids are forever calling everyone mum. I tend not to correct them, largely because when they're learning to talk, correcting them isn't helpful.

Wags · 01/10/2007 14:48

Is he quite young? He probably does think thats her name as you call her that presumably. My SIL childminds my DCs 2 days a week. Its only recently that DS (2.6) has started to call her by her name. Before that it was always Mum or Maaaaaahh shouted very loudly. If he is young, it will pass, he will call her Grandma one day and I am guessing that if your Mum is like all the other Grandma's out there she doesn't want to constantly be saying the dreaded No word to her darling Grandson and is probably just happy to do whatever he asks, however he asks it. Don't read too much into it.

Wags · 01/10/2007 14:50

Ah just seen how old he is. Bless him, I would have been thrilled to bits if my slow speaking DS called my Mother anything at all at 15 months and I agree that she shouldn't constantly be correcting him at that age. Maybe talk to him about Grandma, if you want something from her maybe call her that so its clearer to him what her name is. So yes, I personally think YABU.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 01/10/2007 14:52

hmmmm maybe i am being over sensitive then. i don't mind him calling her mum it's that she answers to it i don't like.

what annoyed me the most was today she went don't worry mummy's got you and then realised what she'd said and changed it to grandma.

OP posts:
Wags · 01/10/2007 14:56

Now that I wouldn't agree with if she did it on a regular basis. Maybe she just slipped up but the only way he will learn to say Grandma is by hearing the word. Even if he has said Mum, maybe she should be looking to make the effort to say OK, Grandma will get that for you. She isn't then constantly correcting him and she is also meeting you half way.

Wags · 01/10/2007 14:58

I had explained to MIL that DS needed help to encourage his speech by giving him choices, i.e. does he want an apple or a bananna to encourage him to say the actual word. So MIL asked him if he wanted jam or arsnic on his toast... nice! Grandma's are tricky subjects sometimes aren't they

TheBlonde · 01/10/2007 14:59

My 2.5 year old calls my mother "mum"
I think it's because that's what I call her

Original poster
nappyaddict · 01/10/2007 15:05

theblonde - but does your mum call herself mum to your ds/dd?

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 01/10/2007 15:07

I wouldn't be upset at him doing it (as he calls everyone that), I would expect her to say "it's grandma" (or whatever).
ds1 sometimes calls me 'grandma', and my mum 'mum'. Just as a mistaking in passing (like calling the teacher mum - how embarassing did that use to be!) and we just say "not mummy" or "not grandma".
But then he calls dh mum and me dad sometimes.

TheBlonde · 01/10/2007 15:20

nappyaddict - no she doesn't and I can understand why it would annoy you

maybe you should stop calling her mum yourself and call her Grandma too

Alambil · 01/10/2007 16:38

My ds has called my mum "mumma" ever since he could speak

Occasionally he will say Grandma but usually it is mamma

It is only if he says Mummy that he gets told "it is mumma"

and yes, I'm odd!! (he is nearly 5 by way)

ally90 · 02/10/2007 20:20

Hi Nappyaddict

It annoys you, would annoy many here it seems. Say something. You are his mama, not your mother. And it would be okay for you to gently ask her to gently correct him when he does it.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 02/10/2007 23:43

i'm not even bothered about the correction thing anymore. i don't mind him calling her mum and her answering.

its when she actually refers herself to mum that pisses me off.

OP posts:
lilacclaire · 02/10/2007 23:50

Wouldnt worry about it, my ds calls everyone mum, including childminder and granny, they just get mixed up sometimes, no big deal.

fihi · 03/10/2007 00:09

sorry only read half the thread, but my mum's mum was known as "granny-mum" to all, as my mother had called her 'mum' and my elder brother had copied when he was a toddler. It stuck, for 40 years and lots of grandchildren.

have a word with your mum again? good luck

hunkermunker · 03/10/2007 00:15

DS1 did this.

He heard me calling my mum "Mum" and thought it was her name.

He doesn't do it any more.

I thought it was sweet. Never occurred to me to mind!

hunkermunker · 03/10/2007 00:16

Ah, didn't see she was referring to herself as mum though.

That would have been weird and I'd have said something then!